Imagininjation

So there I was minding my own business during a staff meeting. I had a cup of coffee, my yearly fiscal report and of course my nunchucks tucked into my messenger bag. The meeting was starting to get boring when WHAM! thru the skylight fell three black and orange clad ninja. Their colors revealed them as Orchard Hill Assassins (the Baptist Church across the street). They landed in that Matrix one knee down pose and everyone was stunned, except for me of course. I've been preparing for this all my life.

While the other began to cry and beg for their lives I whipped into action. The one closest to me got a splash of hot coffee (one milk, two sugars) right in the face (luckily his ninja mask is the kind where the eyes are visible). I then use him as a running board for a tremendous spinning jump kick to another. I fall into trip spin and yell, "Get out! I'll hold them off!" The youth ministers have already left leaving the women to defend themselves.

With only one ninja remaining we square off on top of the conference table. He draws a katana, I wield my nunchucks. We both take a moment to display our prowess with some fancy moves. Unfortunately I hit myself sharply on the shin with my nunchucks and trip forward onto his sword. He's stunned, but with my last breath I choke him to death with my yearly fiscal report. Now that's irony, I thought I was going to be the one t choke to death on it.

New Words

I've just invented some new words! Here they are:

Snarp - To snarl while eating or slurping (Done by animals and my extended family to protect their food during Thanksgiving.)

Beardables - Piece of food found in a beard that are deemed still edible, subjective.

Transpomosition - Trying to make something apear "PoMo" (postmodern)

Cranziety - Fear of cranberry sauce that is not from a can.

Xizing - The seperation of Church and the Holidays. (As in X-Mas and the overly PC "Seasons Greetings." Isn't Seasons Greetings applicable in the other 3 seasons as well. What about deer season? )

Imagininjation - Daydreaming about a ninja attack to keep yourself sane during an other wise boring streetch of time.

NarcoHyperChronolism - The thought that sleeping a lot will make the next day appear faster. (applied by many children on Christmas Eve.)

You try making up your own words. Holiday words get two points.

Mr. Collins

Mr. Collins past away Friday. The obit didn't mention his cause of death, but I suspect it was skin cancer. He was a good teacher and will be missed greatly.

Mr. Cambell told me about it on Sunday, he said, "Did you know Mark Collins?" I said no. Then he said he taught at SCS, and I said "Oh, MR. Collins." He always had my respect and taught very well. He wasn't the kind of teacher I remember calling by his first name. His first name to me was Mr.

Mr. Collins was an all-american track star in college. He was going to go to the olympics but it was the year the US boycotted. It always made me angry to think of that, it still does. To miss your shot at the olympics because of politics. But he always took it well, he never seemed bitter. He had accepted it.

Mr. Collins was that rare kind of teacher who was both liked and respected. We need more teachers like him.

Turkey Day

Turkey seems to cure the bird flu, alert the media.
Here is the complete text of Abriham Lincoln's speech that made Thaksgiving a national holiday.

"The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequalled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and
navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle, or the ship; the axe had enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years, with large increase of freedom.

No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.

It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and voice by the whole American people. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union.

In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand, and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed. Done at the city of Washington, this third day of October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the independence of the United States the eighty-eighth. Proclamation of President Abraham Lincoln, 3 October 1863."

He was good, huh.
Later the date was changed to the 4th Thursday in November.

Bird Flu

The Bird Flu
I think I got it. I plan on stiking back this week against the birds, turkeys in particular. But I won't let a bird kill me. No sir. I've survived the Chinese Flu, West Nile Virus, and Mad Cow Disease. Working with children has given me a very strong immune system. Unfortunely I'm too tired to be creative. Here are some pics to entertain you while I'm sick.

According to google images this is about the bird flu.Also a link if you are interested

My symptoms include phlegm, snot and coughing up feathers.

Junk in my office

Ok so my office collects junk all on its own. But last night it had help. Somebody (I suspect my sister) left a poster in my office. It is from the POV of Joseph and he his weighting the pros and cons of a decision.

On one side there is a list: Reasons not to marry
* Not my child
* Shame
* Embarrassment
* Gossip
On the other side is: Reasons to marry
* God says so! - (This choice is circled by Joseph.)

When you first see this thing you eye is drawn to "Reasons to Marry - God Says so." So "Ha ha!" I'm single. Good one. I chalk up this bad joke to "misery loves company". (When my mother does it it's a grandchild addiction, more understandable.)

Unfortunately this poster doesn't really apply to me. Joseph had a fiance. (I don't even have a girlfriend.) The Apostle Paul said it is better not to be married. It frees you up for ministry, but nobody wants to hear that. They all want to believe I want to be married. I'm undecided. All I can say for sure is I don't want to marry any of the girls I've had a chance to thus far.

But I can make you this promise: If God impregnates my girlfriend I will marry her (if he asks me to.)

Know it all

Last night I was called a "know it all" this is an odd insult to give someone. It seems to have a positive literal meaning but a negative subjective one. But it's not true. Contrary to popular believe I do not "know it all." In fact here are a list of things I do not know.

* What "boy cut" jeans are
* Where I left my chapstick
* Scientific names of different types of flowers (besides Gerber Daisy which is "Gerbera Jamesonii)
* An assortment of things that start with "Why women..." or end with "... then they leave me."
* The Entire Periodic Table (I know all the natural elements but not the Lantanoidai or Aktinoidai.)
* A large category of things involving how to repair an automobile engine
* Italian Opera or why non-Italian speakers claim to like it (I like musicals but operas in another language are just boring. I hate people who sit and listen to them who don't speak Italian. They are just posers. Would they sit and listen to a german scientist speak about physics and say, "But you can hear the emotion"? Poser!)
* Why nobody believe we'll be out of oil in 20-40 years (perhaps they know and don't care)
* Why only men like the McRib (nod to lindsey's blog. also spell check wants to make McRib microbe, hmm.)
* The seemingly national attraction to NASCAR
* Why people play soccer when there are better ways to get exercise, collage scholarships and spend your free time.
* What will happen in the next Harry Potter Book
* Why the feminist revolution somehow lead to an increase anorexia, bulemia, and plastic surgery

And this is just the tip of the ice berg of what I don't know. Getting a masters degree has taught me exactly how much I DON'T know about Psychology. Image what I don't know I don't know about other fields!

Enlighten me if you dare.

The Best

Ok, sometimes I post opinions and sometimes I post outright fiction but not today. Today I am posting nonfiction, just the facts ma'am.

The Best:

The Best Delivery Pizza: Papa John's Ham and Pinapple, Dunken in that Papa John's Garlic "Goo"

The Best Outfit: Gray Polo Shirt, Khaki Pants, New Balance Shoes (Good for all occasions: movies, church, basketball, wedddings, funerals, mitzfahs (both bar
and bat).)

The Best Scienetist: Einstein

The Best War: WWII (We knew who the bad guys were and knew where to aim and shoot. Also the source of the best war movies and videogames.)

The Best Candy: Mini Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (These are the smaller little roundish ones not the flat wheel-like ones.)

The Best Book about amorous emotions and infections of the intestinal tract: Love in the time of Cholera

The Best Personal Savior: Jesus

The Best Movie Adaptation of a Comic Book: Batman Begins (Close
runners up X-Men/Spiderman)

The Best Job in the World: First Lord of the USA (Husband to the first female president. Nothing to do but gold, also very easy to get reservations
anywhere.)

The Best Circus Act: Trapeze

The Best Church Argument: "A coffee pot... in a church, brother?"

The Best Number: Phi (U used to say Pi but Phi is so much more
beautiful.)

The Best Facial Hair: Tom Seleck's Mustache

The Best Bad Hair: Trump (I know it's cliche to make fun of his hair but it really really bad.)

The Best Best: The Best Last Line in a Movie

The Best Last Line in a Movie: Some Like it Hot "Nobody's perfect." (This totally beats out Casablanca and Gone with the Wind hands down.)

That's right, these are the best in their respective fields.

Redbook

I have a large inflatable moose head on my office wall. Attached to it is a sign that reads, "No solicitation! I eat every third salesperson and we've had two today already." (This has proven to be no deterrent. )

As a minister kids always want to sell me stuff and I buy some of it. I've bought sausages, boyscout cards (never used it), lots of cookies and now... magazine subscriptions. I ordered two magazines Psychology Today and Discover. I received Discover and... Redbook.

The problem is I have to change it with the person I ordered it from but I can't remember who it is. I may just ride out the remaining 10 months. We can use it for pictures and collages here at the church.

But maybe I should learn something from Redbook before I let 1st graders cut it up. I can learn more about women perhaps. Here is what I found out thus far from this issue of Redbook.

Title: REDBOOK (Ok so far so good. Sounds similar to the Red Book of the Westmarch from Tolkien.)
Subtitle: The Married Girls Guide to Life. (Ok strikes one and two here. I'm single and a man.)
Cover Photo: Mariska Hargitay "Of Law & Order SVU" (I find her square face very attractive)

Can't Loose Weight. How to break the food-mood cycle for good. (Ok promising article title. I'd like to read it but right now I'm feeling so good about last nights performance that I'm busy eating a bunt cake.)

The New Rules of Love (No subtitle. I may have took inside.)

35 Beauty Must-Haves For your best look ever! (That seems like a lot of must-haves. I could handle 3 must haves, but 35 won't fit in my shaving kit.)

RELAX & REJOICE Your Guide to Happy Hassle-Free Holidays (This one has 4 subarticles. I can give you a happy hassle-free holiday with two words "avoid family")
1) Sparkly style for less than $100 (Now I know what to ask my cheap husband for for X-Mas!)
2) Smart ways to shop, pack and ship (So duct tape and a catapult aren't "smart" anymore?)
3) 19 simple, delicious holiday dishes to try (All of these dishes should not be used with the article about losing weight.)
4) PLUS 40 great gifts under $40 (I hope you guys like candlesticks and manual paper shreders!?)

HELP! His ex won't get out of our lives. (Maybe you shouldn't have broken up that marriage after all.)

---------------------------------------------------------------------
What I've learned about women from the cover of Redbook.
They want to loose weight and eat 19 different desserts.
They want marriages to last but expect an ex to disappear immediately.
They want $100 gifts from their husbands but only want to reciprocate with a $40 gift.
They must have 35 things to look good.
They don't know how to pack and ship things.
They have forsaken the "old rules of love" in place of new ones. (And once men learn these they will likely change them again.)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

So far so good but I haven't looked inside yet. Which article would you like to hear more about?

Online Purchases

Ok so I bought these:

That's right! They're nunchucks baby!

So all you suckers better watch out. I can testify to the fact that they really hurt too. From my limited experience thus far I can say I will be focusing on the shins of my attackers. That really stings. I spent 10 minutes hissing through my teeth like Peter Griffin.

Ok, so it turns out that watching 100's of ninha movies does NOT mean you know what you are doing with these things. I think they must speed up the tape on those things. I was wise enough not to try the nunchucks between the legs at anything but a snails pace.

Also even when I do it right these things still hurt your hands. They are wood and very hard. So even when I catch the other end it's like catching a baseball bat. I don't know what those ninjas were thinking.

Here is an SAT analagy question for you:

Tornados are to Trailer Parks, as Nunchucks are to ___________

The correct answer is lamps. I put a broken lamp on my doorstep as a deterant to burglars. I also posted a note beside my archery note on my door.

Burglars beware even more: Please enter slowly through front door only. You have two options: 1) Hold a lamp close to your face to attract my flurry of nunchuck blows. OR 2) I'll hand you the nunchucks and let you hurt yourself. Clearly my ninja mastery is too much for you. Leave you wallet and a note of apology. Thanks, MGMT

Steve Martin

Last night I watched Steve Martin win the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.
It was, of course, very funny. You've seen the movies and SNL appearances and stand up, but I really enjoy his writing. Here is something that they read last night. Below is the short version with some of the naughtier bits cut out.

Side Effects

By Steve Martin

DOSAGE: take two tablets every six hours for joint pain.

SIDE EFFECTS: This drug may cause joint pain, nausea, head-ache, or shortness of breath. You may also experience muscle aches, rapid heartbeat, and ringing in the ears. If you feel faint, call your doctor. Do not consume alcohol while taking this pill; likewise, avoid red meat, shellfish, and vegetables. O.K. foods: flounder. Under no circumstances eat yak. Projectile vomiting is common in thirty per cent of users-sorry, fifty per cent.

You may find yourself becoming lost or vague; this would be a good time to write a screenplay. Do not pilot a plane, unless you are among the ten per cent of users who experience "spontaneous test-pilot knowledge." May cause stigmata in Mexicans. If a fungus starts to grow between your eyebrows, call the Guinness Book of World Records.

May induce a tendency to compulsively repeat the phrase "no can do." This drug may cause visions of the Virgin Mary to appear in treetops. If this happens, open a souvenir shop. Do not be near a ringing telephone that works at 900 MHz or you will be very dead, very fast.

You also may experience a growing dissatisfaction with life along with a deep sense of melancholy-join the club! Do not be concerned if you arouse a few ticks from a Geiger counter.

WARNING: This drug may shorten your intestines by twenty-one feet. Has been known to cause birth defects in the user retroactively. Passing in front of TV may cause the screen to moiré.

Flotation devices at sea will become pointless, as the user of this drug will develop a stone-like body density; therefore, if thrown overboard, contact your doctor. (This product may contain one or more of the following: bungee cord, plankton, rubber, crack cocaine, pork bladders, aromatic oils, gunpowder, corn husk, glue, bee pollen, dung, English muffin, poached eggs, ham, Hollandaise sauce, crushed saxophone reeds.)

Twenty minutes after taking the pills, you will feel an insatiable craving to take another dose. AVOID THIS WITH ALL YOUR POWER. It is advisable to have a friend handcuff you to a large kitchen appliance, ESPECIALLY ONE THAT WILL NOT FIT THROUGH THE DOORWAY TO WHERE THE PILLS ARE. You should also be out of reach of any weapon-like utensil with which you could threaten friends or family, who should also be briefed to not give you the pills, no matter how much you sweet-talk them.

* From The New Yorker, April 13, 1998.

Friends Trivia Redux

Ok so it was amazing how fast this trivia got done. Hard to select a winner.
Stephen responded first, but Emily gave more complete answers.
Below are Emily's answers (all correct) {with Stephen answers in these brackety things}

1) What volume does Joey buy from the encyclopedia salesman? V (as in Mt. Vesuvius, or Vas Deferens....) {Steven didn't provide examples.}
2) In the pilot episode, what are Ross and Rachel eating when he mentions asking her out? Oreo Cookies {Stephen just said "Oreos"}
3) Who helps Joey pluck his eyebrows for his head shots? Chandler (he did it for his father as his "chores" for his allowance) {Stephen just said "Chandler"}
4) When Carol is in labor with Ben, Joey meets a pregnant woman who roots for which basketball team? Boston Celtics (Stacey Carroli from Saved by the Bell) {Neither Stephen nor I got the SbtB Reference.}
5) What is the name of Joey's boat? The Mr. Beaumont
6) Who does Phoebe try to 'bust' with Gary's police badge? Several people - the lady who put her cigarette out on a tree, Chandler when he told her she needed to give the badge back, and Gary himself. {Stephen just got the tree lady.}
7) What problem does Rachel make up to get Joey to talk to her after he confesses his love? "My boss wants to buy my baby!"
8) What nickname does Ross want people to call him by? The Rossatron or Red Ross, depending on which episode you are referring to. {Stephen just said Rossatron. I don't know if Red Ross is a nickname though. I think he technically "goes Red Ross" making it a state of being.}
9) Which of the guys has Phoebe not kissed? Well, she's kissed Joey at least twice (on her birthday and when he had to kiss a boy), She kissed Ross right after Carol left him on the pool table in the bar, she kissed Chandler in the "they don't know we know they know..." episode. So this is a trick question! She's kissed them all. {Stephen just said she kissed them all.}
10) Where do the cheesecakes come from that Chandler and Rachel get addicted to? Mama's Little Bakery, Chicago, Illinois {Stephen omitted the City and State}
11) What does Pete bring back from Japan for Monica? Hotel toiletries and news that he wants to be the Ultimate Fighting Champion {Stephen omitted the news}
12) Where do Ross and Monica's parents live? (Spelling counts) Massapequa
13) What does Rachel get a tattoo of? A heart on her hip {Stephen omitted placement}
14) Where did Chandler hold the bachelor party when Ross was marrying Carol? Pizza Hut
15) Name 3 foods Ross is allergic to. Shellfish, Kiwi, Peanuts {Stephen said Lobster, Kiwi, Peanuts. I wonder if he is allergic to all shellfish? I assume so.}

Stephen's answers were so precise I think we both googled the same trivia website. Good job all. Feel free to post your own trivia. I've opened both posts for comments.

Friends Trivia

CONTEST IS OVER. See other post.

1) What volume does Joey buy from the encyclopedia salesman?
2) In the pilot episode, what are Ross and Rachel eating when he mentions asking her out?
3) Who helps Joey pluck his eyebrows for his head shots?
4) When Carol is in labor with Ben, Joey meets a pregnant woman who roots for which basketball team?
5) What is the name of Joey's boat?
6) Who does Phoebe try to 'bust' with Gary's police badge?
7) What problem does Rachel make up to get Joey to talk to her after he confesses his love?
8) What nickname does Ross want people to call him by?
9) Which of the guys has Phoebe not kissed?
10) Where do the cheesecakes come from that Chandler and Rachel get addicted to?
11) What does Pete bring back from Japan for Monica?
12) Where do Ross and Monica's parents live? (Spelling counts)
13) What does Rachel get a tattoo of?
14) Where did Chandler hold the bachelor party when Ross was marrying Carol?
15) Name 3 foods Ross is allergic to.

Ok. Best of luck all.

Memory

I think my memory is messed up.

Things I can remember:
* The stages of an insects metamorphosis, how chemical bonds are formed, lots of other science facts
* Kids names
* Every line to dozens of movies
* The rules to hundreds of games, my brain just retains rules of all sorts (all the better to twist them with)
* Hundred of Psychological Diagnoses from the DSM-IV
* Scripture
* Lots of what I read from fiction.
* Lots of math equations and theorems
* Basically anything useless.

Things I can't remember:
* More than 50 adults names, the rest are "Aaron's Mom" or "Rachel's Dad"
* Any memory of Lindsey Holder before 1998. (See her blog.)
* Chapter and Verse (I can quote a scripture but if you want to know where it is find a concordance.)
* Very few teachers names... other than: Campbell, Halbach, Edsel, a few Coaches I'd rather forget, nobody from Wedgewood Middle School, nobody from JT Stevens other than Coach Cox and Mrs. Cox. (This is what got me thinking, I can't remember my Freshman or Sophomore teachers names?)
* JRoot and I sat down in Las Vegas and tried to remember our entire senior class and got less than half of them by name. The other were, "You know... that guy who dates what's her name."

So why does my memory work against me so often? At a recent wedding Lindsey was surprised by how few names I could remember and she took offense that I couldn't tell her what year she graduated. I don't get to decide what I remember. I can try and force things in my head but it usually doesn't last longer than a couple of weeks.

Am I the only one who has this problem? I think it is probably a gender issue.

Word Verification

My computer tries to predict what I will type in word verification using a pool of words I've typed in there before. Of course, they are never the same but I got to thinking about all these weird words stored on my laptop.

Ok so, "Word Verification" is a must. Spammers have taken over blogs as well. But it should prolly be called letter verification. Every time I have to do it I try to figure out what word it is.

I always think word verification "word" means something, some kind of hidden message just for me. Like it sometimes almost a word, and if not I think they are initials for something. Rationally, I know it is just a random collection of letters, even the number of letters is random. But sometimes I think strange things are afoot at the Circle K.

Here are some actual word verification "words" from my internet cache file:
zubzmseh - When you stub your toe while holding scissors.
Azkvs - A primitive screwdriver, before the invention of orange juice.
fyyotd - A fyord that scores a touchdown.
teaierx - When a tiara gets put on a goat
dloedu - When a duet sings off key
faewgjn - A cake that doesn't rise
lotheqo - The desire or "pull" when standing on a high place to jump off the ledge.

Some word verification initials:
ysmlk – You Shot Martin Luther King?
rdwcwfh - Real dudes wear collars without fluffy hemlines
Cjxpckwqhf - Can Jesus xylophone partial chords... uhm... knifewallabye queen hat foot. (CJXPCKWHF - might replace WWJD.)

Your mission should you choose to accept it is to leave a reply using the actual word verification word that is given to you. Good luck Angels. (And yes I know I mixed up Charlie's Angels with Mission Impossible, get over it.)

Do that funny thing you do!

"Hey you're Trey, do that funny thing you do."

This phrase has haunted me for years. 1st - I don't have an act or a set bunch of jokes I do. I just respond to the situation. So asking me to perform will likely leave me nothing but the famous "Hokey Pokey Dance." Also, who are these people that I have to entertain them? Am I just here to amuse you? At best I amuse myself.

I think my wanting to amuse those around me is not always altruistic. Sometimes it is purely self-serving, and others who find it enjoyable are just collateral damage in such a situation. (My primary goal being to entertain myself.)

A kid and his mom at church were talking to someone else at church. I was just sitting and listening to them. The kid said, "Trey, are you bored?" The mom jumped in, "No, he's not bored, only boring people are bored. And Trey isn't boring."

I think this is true. People who complain of being bored often bring nothing to the table to keep themselves entertained. They expect others to cater to them and make their lives entertaining.
That is why most of my humor is self-serving, let those boring people fend for themselves. I've been subject to many "Fun-Sponges" they just absorb what you bring. If they can't see to find fun in any circumstances then forget 'em.

For example, at a recent wedding I made bets with a friend of mine about what ice cream toppings people would chose. Or if at a funeral, I often entertain myself by thinking how i would repel a ninja invasion that might interrupt the eulogy.

I've also been blessed with some really fun people in my life. People who make work out videos featuring only a phone book. People who agree to boxer shorts tuxedo combo.

On time James and I were listening to music really loud in our dorm. One roommate emerges with bedhead and asks us to turn it down, "Lump" was playing. With a straight face I say, "No problem." I reach over and turn the volume down by like 1 click (it was probably on 25-30 clicks, so down by one was only barely noticably softer). The bedhead roommate waits for us to turn it down more then gives up and leaves. Without a comment James reaches over and turns it way up. We laugh, it was really funny for some reason that we were horrible roommates.

Hardcore

Ok so if you missed yesterdays replies to my costume post you missed something... go back and read those... I'll wait...

Ok welcome back... wait a minute! Some of you didn't go back! Oh, you read them already? Did you add one of you own? Ok, fine, I'll continue under protest.

Why does everyone and everything have to be "Hardcore" now? I'm not sure exactly where this phrase originated but I have a feeling it rose to popularity with adult videos.

I for one am not hardcore. I give up easily, I take all kind of flack, I roll over in the face of opposition, I change myself to appease the man, I don't argue over everything (anymore), I sell out whenever possible. I'm in that "Soft core" range somewhere. And the truth none of you are hardcore either. None of you. I can't honestly say that any of my friends are "hardcore." And don't start trying to lobby for you being hardcore, if you have to try and talk someone into it it's like trying to convince someone your cool. Forget it. You are not hardcore.

Some are wanna-be-hardcore, but more have a nougat-core than a titanium core. The only person I know who comes close to hard core is my brother because he doesn't have anything around him he doesn't want or need. No loans, no niceties, but his Hippy Status negates any other. But he's not hardcore, and I doubt that he wants to be.

For fun I've compiled a "Get-Real-you-aren't-hardcore" checklist. If you check more than half of these you are not hardcore.
- You put your finger in your mouth when it gets cut, or you go and wash it off.
- You haven't cut your finger in more than a month (you're life is too safe)
- You roll your eyes when I mention I want a motorcycle
- You have a child in your house
- You safety protect your house and you don't have a child
- You wear your seatbelt
- You are not paid by the hour
- There is nothing under your fingernails
- You can dance
- You own a DDR pad.
- You know what DDR is.
- You don’t refer to your spouse as “my old lady” or “Hey you”
- You are a part of a club that is not orginized around some extreme sport
- You have no tattoos
- You have a tattoo on your ankle or hip of a butterfly
- You can't grow a beard if male (or a mustache if female)
- You attend Scarborough Fair
- You play soccer
- You can name 2 Duran Duran Songs. (Or 3 Herman’s Hermit’s songs)
- You own any Vinyl records and were born after 1975.
- You own an iPod

The truth is, if you even checked ONE you aren't hardcore. Just accept it and enjoy your life and don’t be a poser-core those people are the worst. The only people who are Hardcore live dangerous, dirty, short lives. Do you want to be there? No, so go enjoy your iPod and don’t forget to pick up the kids from Soccer practice.