Redbook
I have a large inflatable moose head on my office wall. Attached to it is a sign that reads, "No solicitation! I eat every third salesperson and we've had two today already." (This has proven to be no deterrent. )
As a minister kids always want to sell me stuff and I buy some of it. I've bought sausages, boyscout cards (never used it), lots of cookies and now... magazine subscriptions. I ordered two magazines Psychology Today and Discover. I received Discover and... Redbook.
The problem is I have to change it with the person I ordered it from but I can't remember who it is. I may just ride out the remaining 10 months. We can use it for pictures and collages here at the church.
But maybe I should learn something from Redbook before I let 1st graders cut it up. I can learn more about women perhaps. Here is what I found out thus far from this issue of Redbook.
Title: REDBOOK (Ok so far so good. Sounds similar to the Red Book of the Westmarch from Tolkien.)
Subtitle: The Married Girls Guide to Life. (Ok strikes one and two here. I'm single and a man.)
Cover Photo: Mariska Hargitay "Of Law & Order SVU" (I find her square face very attractive)
Can't Loose Weight. How to break the food-mood cycle for good. (Ok promising article title. I'd like to read it but right now I'm feeling so good about last nights performance that I'm busy eating a bunt cake.)
The New Rules of Love (No subtitle. I may have took inside.)
35 Beauty Must-Haves For your best look ever! (That seems like a lot of must-haves. I could handle 3 must haves, but 35 won't fit in my shaving kit.)
RELAX & REJOICE Your Guide to Happy Hassle-Free Holidays (This one has 4 subarticles. I can give you a happy hassle-free holiday with two words "avoid family")
1) Sparkly style for less than $100 (Now I know what to ask my cheap husband for for X-Mas!)
2) Smart ways to shop, pack and ship (So duct tape and a catapult aren't "smart" anymore?)
3) 19 simple, delicious holiday dishes to try (All of these dishes should not be used with the article about losing weight.)
4) PLUS 40 great gifts under $40 (I hope you guys like candlesticks and manual paper shreders!?)
HELP! His ex won't get out of our lives. (Maybe you shouldn't have broken up that marriage after all.)
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What I've learned about women from the cover of Redbook.
They want to loose weight and eat 19 different desserts.
They want marriages to last but expect an ex to disappear immediately.
They want $100 gifts from their husbands but only want to reciprocate with a $40 gift.
They must have 35 things to look good.
They don't know how to pack and ship things.
They have forsaken the "old rules of love" in place of new ones. (And once men learn these they will likely change them again.)
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So far so good but I haven't looked inside yet. Which article would you like to hear more about?
posted by Trey Laminack @ 8:08 AM
12 comments
12 Comments:
I'd like to hear your thoughts about "Help! His ex won't get out of our lives."
I didn't know there were "old" rules of love. That would be enlightening I'm sure.
I fear the inside will be chock full of recipes, decorating for the holidays and feminine needs items packaged prettily, give it up. Bring a cheese ball to the next Family Function.
I want to know which of the 35 beauty must-haves that you MUST have (the 3 that will fit in your shaving kit.)
I want to know three things, given in countdown style:
3) How Mariska Hargitay's face get so square? No Trey, you are not the only one who's noticed.
2) Which foods go with which moods? Is it hamburgers for joy, celery for surly, vegomite for froggy?
And which comes first, food or mood? Do you choose what to eat based on mood, or do you have to eat something specific in order to acheive a certain mood? I'm sure there will be a chart inside of the magazine.
1) How do the Laws of Love change? Were they recently ratified by the states this past week during elections? Is there a special Congress for these special laws? Or is it our own govenment that changes them through the Ways and Means committee?
Love, after all, is all about ways and means? In that the answer is no "way" if you ain't got enough "means" to pay for dinner.
Help! His ex won't get out of our lives - Sounds like the advice is for the conversations between ex's be limited to shared children and not personal lives. Communicate with your hubby about your concerns then step back if they have to share custody of kids in their best interrest. (Not much help to us single, no-kids people.)
Turns out the old rules/new rules stuff is all about (looks both ways) s-e-x. I can't go any further into the subject here but they sound ok to me. Mike Cope blogged about this recently.
My three must have items:
1. Seki Folding Lash Comb - No more clumps.
2. Ms Manicure Quick Fix Kit - 12 emory board in a matchstick book all in attractive pastels.
3. St. Ives Apricot Shower Cleanser/Mask - nuff said
Viva La Raza! RIP
The MS. Manicure Quick Fix set really is great, and very cute. Good pick, Trey.
aw man...i am doing a fundraiser for myself, and i was hoping you would subscribe to redbook through my magazine subscription plan. oh well...i do have "cosmo" and "in style" available. just make your check out to me, and you'll be on your way to becoming a better woman.
Daaaaaaaaaaaaang.
The ladies are cracking on ya' Trey.
Does the Redbook say anything about salvaging manhood, or only how to destroy it?
Worm,
A) This is a guide for MARRIED GIRLS. Therefore, it only offers advice on how to demoralize and dehumanize your husband. It suggests removeing his free will by undermineing his decissions, lots of little suggestions on how to better oneself (because the self they married isn't quite right yet, you are like a fixer-upper.) Also, men should be reminded that they can't make decissions alone. If all else fails say, "Your mother did a number on you" and watch your hubby become submissive.
B) A man can take care of his nails too.
We miss you Trey! Rebekah, Molly and Harly spent about 30 minutes telling a friend all about you today! They were doin' the grandpa, and the caterpillar mustache and a bunch of stuff I never heard....
Remember Max Headroom? He had a square face....
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