Open Mouth Insert Foot

I just can't help myself. Sometime I say stupid things. I always regret it when it dawns on me what I've said. I am carrying new guilt now, which I can try and roll in with that ball of old guilt. Pretty soon my guilt ball will outweighed me and it will be pushing me around.

I think I do this less often that I did when I was 16 but it still crops up from time to time. What can I do to change? I'm thinking of taking some kind of vow of silence. (Including typing and writing for communication.) But knowing me I wouldn't take it seriously I would just end up pretending to be a mime and ruin it.

What can I do? I guess I have to just try and do better. When I was 16 this happened almost daily. Now, at 26 it is like monthly. Hopefully, at 36 it will only be quarterly; yearly at 46. But that means that I have like 100 foot-in-mouth moments left in my life. I apologize to all of you who have to share a world with me. I'm a jerk, a guilty-feeling jerk, but still a jerk.

video editting

No time to blog long, I'm busy video editing. Sheesh it's rought.

Fantasy Football reminder - I need like 3 more players - I really figured Stephen and Hey Man would join up.

Also, quit voting on the Superman/Batman thing... the longer I leave it up the closer it comes to Superman winning.

Ps. I like Boston Market Tuscan Chicken.

Confessions of a Collector

(This picture is, of course Comic Book Guy, from the Simpsons in his supervillian persona 'The Collector'. Please no comparisons... besides I don't have a phaser... and Christmas is just around the corner... hint hint.)

Ok so I collect things... I have trouble throwing junk away... I'm a Collector. But there is a part of my brain that wants me to believe some of this junk could be valuable one day. I first fell for this trap as a child. I collected baseball cards and comic books.

I looked up price guides and saw Action Comics #1 (first appearance of Superman) valued at 120k! I wanted a piece of that. So I bought New Warriors #1. I thought, perfect both #1's both first appearance. I'll just sit back and rake in the cash. Of course New Warriors 1 is now valued at like 1-3 dollars (I paid $1.25).

Of course its a problem of supply and demand. I'm no business master like some people but I can see the difference now. Action Comics 1 printed only a few thousand... these were bought by children... most of whom read them, bent them, put them in backpacks, lost them or their mothers threw them away. (If it would have been me my sister would have sold them in a garage sale.) So only a few survive. When I bought New Warriors 1 there were like 50 in the store, probably half a million worldwide. I was doomed.

I still buy things and think they will be worth something someday. But in the mass production era it is hopeless. Although when I was a kid I had like 50 star wars figures that could be worth a enough to pay off my student loans now. They were sold in a garage sale 25c a piece. Of course if I had them I couldn't part with them.

Now when I buy trash like comic books or action figures I know it is money down the drain, but I do it because its fun... and just maybe if a tornado destroys a Matel factory my limited edition Rogue Squadron Luke Skywalker could be worth a lot of cash.

Anyone else have the Collector gene?

Late-Edition Post: Expensive Sadist

I see an orthodontist (who is very nice and professional).

But all of them are sadistic nutjobs. I've become accustomed to the stretching, prodding, hammering and scrapping. But today they got cement in my goatee and didn't tell me until it was dried in. It pulled out some hairs and I had to cut others shorter. I think my chin hair is visiblely marred.

Also, they have no sense of time. I don't mean while you are in the chair. They know that time is money and they get you in and out of the office fast. It's more the calendar time they don't understand. 6 months becomes a year, a year becomes two.

I say again, my orthodontist is in fact a great sadist. I told him pain is no object so today he made four corrections that he said he'd usually do over 4 or 8 weeks. Awesome! My mouth is in great pain, but pain is progress baby. I think I'll have a shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch and them a sensible bowl of ice cream for dinner.

Greatest Show on TV: Tommy Lee Goes to College

Tonight on NBC, the greatest show on TV, "Tommy Lee goes to College." Awesome show!

Here is the NBC link.

7pm, tonight they are doing a "Marathon" of the past two episodes followed by a new one.

I was worried about the Tommy factor but there was nothing bad but lots of laugh. I laughed out loud when Tommy fell asleep in class. It is great to see this hard-core-tattooed rocker go to school.

Here is the surprising thing: He is really trying to do good. He never went to college and is doing his best but is really out of place.

Events from past episodes:
* Tries out for the band - He's made millions as a drummer but can he make the cut at Univ. of Neb.-Lincoln (UNL)
* He is doing poorly in Chemistry so he gets a tutor, good idea? Only it turns out to be the "hot tutor" now he's doing much worse in Chemistry.
* He finds a roommate who's a dork and tricks out their pad. Plasma screen, ps2, leapard skins, but... the roommate has to ask "What happened to all of my stuff?" Dumpster I guess.

Monday Morning QBs

I've started a fantasy football league. All interested parties may join.
Don't worry if you've never played before if you've watch some football or played survivor pick'em you'll figure it out.

Here is the registration info:
League Name: Monday Morning QBs
Password: wangdoodles
League ID#: 494692.
http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1

OR... it turns out it much easier if I send you an e-vite. If you want in just reply with your email address or send me an email at tlaminack@saturnroad.org.

We will be drafting on Sept 6th (automated). An automated draft means any time before Sept 6th you go and adjust your draft order. Then the computer randomly decides who goes first and takes the first person from their list. (Don't worry the sport nuts in charge set up a decent default list).

Draft Spots:
1 QB
2 HB
3 WR
1 TE
1 K
1 Defensive Team
6 Bench Spaces

Scoring basically follows football. If one of your players scores you score. You also get points based on yards, interceptions, sacks, fumbles and safety.

Again, this is open to all but don't enter if you aren't going to play. After you draft it is pretty easy, basically all I do is make sure I don't have a starter who has a bye that week. I guesstimate that ofter the draft you should be able to run your team with only about 15 min of tweeking each week. (This does not include time spent talking smack.)

Kryptonite

Ok. Everyone who's already annoyed with Superman/Batman thing just skip this one. It is more for Brian and myself than anyone else.

First, my new source:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kryptonite

The Wikipedia is a must have link for everything you'd ever want to know.


Now Wikipedia helps answer Brian's questions about Kryptonite.

How come so much kryptonite made it to earth?

"In the traditional comics, kryptonite was believed to have originally arrived on Earth due to the experimental warp drive in the spaceship that brought Kal-El to Earth causing the ship to drag behind it all manner of debris, including a substantial amount of kryptonite. A similar explanation was also used in the 1990s television series Superman: The Animated Series and the 2000s television series Smallville." - (Short version the warp drived sucked it in.)

Why would the stuff on Krpton kill Kryptonians?

"It was a mildly radioactive element that was formed in the crust of the planet Krypton as the result of an ancient Kryptonian war. As millennia passed, the radiation from this mineral began to kill Kryptonians; it became known as the "green plague." This eventually led to the planet's core becoming unstable, leading to the destruction of Krypton." - (Short version - it is toxic waste that eventually blew up krypton.)

Also Batman and Lex Luthor have been able to synthesize kryptonite.

Well there you have it, a readily available, deadly source of fun for Superman.

Again I'm sorry, I won't do any more comic stuff until Next weeks Fantastic 4 discussion.

Batman vs. Superman - The polls are closed.

At the time of this posting the final poll results were:

14 - Batman all the way
9 - Superman by a mile
5 - Batman but just barely
1 - Superman by a hair
0 - Fight to a draw
1 - Both would die

Ok, if you take into a account that Jennifer #2 stuffed the ballot box for Batman this came out very close, but still in Batman's favor. To be honest I'm surprised, I thought you would have taken the Man of Steel. Well, done and I agree with you, I think it would be Batman.

The 4 Reasons I think Batman would win:

1) Superman has a known weakness. - Kyrptonite turns Superman into a weakling. He has trouble standing in it's presence. The movies and comics have made it clear that there is enough of this "rare" stuff around to get your hands on if you've got the time or the cash. Batman has both. Batman's only weakness is the possibility that Superman could bend him into a pretzel, but he'd have to get his hands on him.

2) Batman has all the toys. - This is an extension of point one. Batman has stuff for all occasions. In fact, he keeps some kyptonite in his Batcave, he does this to keep it out of enemy hands and in case Superman goes AWOL again. Ryan posted that Batman was just a normal guy with gadgets and that Superman could get gadgets too then he'd win. But this isn't really true. Bruce Wayne developed, invented and paid millions of dollars for those gadgets. Kalel shows none of that technical prowess, and definitely doesn't have the cash on a newspaperman's salary.

3) The Training Factor - Superman was that guy in high school you hated because he got all A's and never had to study, it all came naturally to him. Batman was the guy who busted his hump getting ready for a term paper. Superman has never had to train to defeat an enemy, in fact the concept of training his powers is completely foreign to him. The only mention of it I can remember is from Action Comics where it mentions he had to train himself to slow down over populated areas to avoid a sonic boom when flying. But he's defeated every enemy with ease.

Batman on the other hand has prepared for all contingencies. He has a large database on all supervillans, with tactics for each. When there became a dangerous trend of "good guys" from the Justice League occasionally switching sides, he starting keeping records on heroes. (They occasionally switched because of magical coercion, mental control, alternate reality versions and just going bad.) So if you had a file on Superman what would you need, kyptonite.

4) Documentation
If you've only seen the movies and old TV shows you may not know these two have tangled a number of times. Usually the comic writers call it a draw because of the popularity of these two character, but occasionally we see a clear winner.

First, the handful of fights to a draw. What should this tell you? It tells me Batman won't be roasted to a crisp in the first 5 seconds. Also it shows that Batman could survive a few blows from Superman (although recently in OMAC Project they fought and Batman spent a week in intensive care). Batman knows Superman's fighting style and can dodge his punches and even his heat vision (also the heat vision is usually a last resort as it tends to drain Kalel). Now that we have allowed for the possibility of Batman not being paste we give him time react and counter attack.

Second, the fights that were not to a draw, Batman won. In the popular "Batman: The Dark Knight Returns" Batman gave Superman the beating of a lifetime. (This comic was so cool it appeared on the OC.) In this fight Superman crashes through a hundred feet of rock to try and surprise Bruce in his Batcave. Only to find the proximity alarms have given time for Batman to don his Kryptonite-Brass-Knuckles.

Ok, there it is as clearly as possible. Batman would win. Feel free to offer rebuttals as a comment.

Better Use of Language - God bless the OED.

(Last day to vote for Superman vs. Batman.)

As I read a scribble down a words I find interesting. I like to check them in the OED to see their origins. Words change meaning very frequently, don't bother fighting it. Acceptable words become taboo and old words take on new meanings. Since you seemed to like the post on language used incorrectly, hackneyed and cliched I'll drop a few of these on you. If you are tired of cliche use words that are not over used. I warn you though, if it is too obscure you are not communicating you are only showing off.

Cabbage - To steal. "When the opportunity arose Jeff cabbaged the pencil from my desk." It has a separate French verb origin than the more common English noun (the plant). It came from when a tailor would have to cut off little bits of fabric when making clothes, called a cabbage. Even though the owner paid for the entire bolt of fabric these little piece became the property of the tailor. (He just kind of picked them up and kept them.) Too obscure, don't bother.

Gadabout - A person who flits about in social activity. "Jeff was a gadabout in college, going from social to function to kegger." You've prolly heard "gadabout town." For 5 props, can anyone tell me the closest insect relative of the gadabout? Well I was thinking gadfly, but social butterfly is good for half credit. A gadfly is a catch all for annoying insects that go here and there. It is named for a "gad" a mining tool, a pointy chisel. But gadabout is more closely related to "gadden" an antiquated Middle English verb meaning "to wander without specific purpose."

Ok here is a personal fav. Gruntle - I'm holding off on the definition for right now. You've prolly heard of the word "Disgruntled" in relation to a postal worker. (A phenomenon so popular it has added the expression "going potal" to our language.) If you check in a dictionary you may get two different definitions. 1) To put in good humor. This definition is based on the false assumption of the opposite of dis-gruntle must be good. Strangely, the word "Gruntle" originally ment 2) To grumble. And it used a rare and almost obsolete use of the prefix dis- meaning to intensify. Never the less definition 2 has fallen completely out of use. I like word gruntle to mean put in good humor, it is fun.


Quincunx - arrangement of five things in a square or rectangle with one at each corner and one in the middle - "Put those five plants in the garden in a quincunx, and buy a dictionary." That's right baby, a new q word for scabble! Although it is too long for scrabble, drat... but wait, first put down CUN (meaning to know or to con) then add Quin to the front and X to the back and bingo, you've won. The Quincrunx was a Roman coin that had 5 stars in this pattern. Ok Latin roots here... quinque "five"... uncia "one twelfth... this coin weights 5/12 of a libra.

I'm afraid I ran too obscure and these will be unuseable in conversation. I say, next time someone speaks all in cliche hit them with these and tell them to by a dictionary.

Things I'm tired of hearing from tired people.

(First: A reminder to vote on Batman vs. Superman poll posted yesterday.)

Ok, people are not clever. I've come to terms with it. The saddest part is when people think they are clever but are not. We've all heard these same lines prolly, they are just a bunch of cliche's that people tend to think they made up on the spot, but have been around since "dinosaurs roamed the earth" (pardon the cliche).

Things I'm tired of hearing from tired people:

"You have too much time on your hands." Or it's cousins, "Maybe we should get you a job/girlfriend to take up your spare time." - This is just a stupid thing to say. Who are you to judge how I spend my free time. They usually say this to me after I've told them about the origin of the crescent Roll or how air pressure keeps a plane aloft. Just because I know things you don't doesn't mean I have too much time. Perhaps I use my time better, or I just retain information better because I'm not trying to "fill up" my "spare time."

Here's one for those of you who are now or soon will be 16 "Let me know when you'll be on the road and I'll be sure to stay home." - Ok, this is not very funny to begin with and is definitely not funny when it gets said a thousand times. I'd like all 16 year olds to respond with the following, "Let me know when you and your aging reflexes, midlife crisis and cataracts will be on the road, I'll stay at the mall."

"Are you working hard or hardly working." - Ok, thank you for that blast from the past. This phrase is so hackneyed that it's said with a wry smile. It make me want to chuck up my Chunky Monkey Ice Cream. This comment, like the spare time comments, reveals and underlying assumption that the speaker works harder than the victim of this comment. But at least the victim is working when he is assaulted, the speaker is the one who

"That being said..." - Yuck, this is usually used to preempt something rude. "That being said... Jeff has a head like a honeydew melon."

"24/7" - Let's face it, I don't do anything 24/7. Nothing. I mean I breath a lot but if you monitor yourself there is a brief pause between inhale and exhale.

Worse than "24/7" is... "I'm all about..." - Are your really "All about Blogging." or "I'm all about football." If this is true you are one dimensional and very boring. If it is not true you show a weakness for hyperbole or lying.

I've had to purge, "My thing is..." from my focabulary for these same reasons. You should also stop saying "Basically" all the time.

And there is a whole family of annoying talk starting with, "You go, girlfriend." - Bad in it's native form, it is unbearable between two white men trying to dance. Please let this one go. Also on this list is the Snoop Dogg "Shizzle Language." Let me warn you that you may not know what you are saying if you quote this.

The real problem with trendy ebonics type language is by the time you hear it, it is out of date. Here is a simple rule of thumb, when Matt Lauer says it on TV it is no longer popular. You sound like a joke people. Stop saying "Bling Bling!"

Are you catching on that some of you have gotten lazy in your language just borrowing whatever you hear on the news. Also out of date is "Crunk" if you don't know what it means then don't bother to learn it is already out of the music videos.

Ok, I'm stepping away from Ebonics after this list of vetoed expressions: Waaazup!, Yo, Dog, Pimpin', Maxin' and Relaxin', and anything you heard your kids quote from MTV you don't understand.

Ok back to normal language that is over used... "The Good news is... the bad news is." So cliche and hackneyed it usually isn't done correctly in an ill fated attempt at humor. "The Good news is Jeff is coming to the party, the bad news is... Jeff is coming to the party." Please stop it people, if I hear one more "The Good news is I got a clean bill of health, the bad news is the doctors bill isn't so clean." I'm going to assault someone.

"At the end of the day..." - A cliche used to say something annoying like. "At the end of the day, I'm the one who has to keep the budget on office supplies." Why not just say, "No, you can't have #2 pencil, I'm penny pinching nut job." "At the end of the day..." As if the end of the day is all that matters. I was told breakfast is the most important part of the day, so "At the beginning of the day..." might be a stronger expression.

If conclusion, try string together words that haven't lost all meaning. For example, I shouldn't have said, "Lost all meaning." That's just another cliche. I should have said, 'become careworn and pointless by the overuse of the uncreative."

Ok sorry, this list ran long. (Please vote for Batman vs. Superman if "you haven't done so already.")

First Mini Poll: Batman vs. Superman

I choose the most important topic I could think of for my first mini poll.

Batman vs. Superman.
The Dark Knight vs. The Man of Steel.



I think I'll let the people vote before I sound off on the subject. When the counter has a few hits I'll give my opinion and cast my vote (The definetive vote). Feel free to post rationale for your vote as a comment.

The most important thing to consider here is that this isn't a popularity contest or who you think is cooler. This is a fight to the death! One man leaves victorious, the other in a pine box. (Yes, I know, they both have a vow against killing, but lets say they don't.)

Lets also add the given that they both believe defeating the other person would save the world from total destruction. Now they have motivation. Ok, the poll is in your hands, as may be the fate of the world.

"Print is dead."

"Print is dead."
Yesterday's Shakespeare diatribe got me thinking (it also got some odd feedback) so many of you have never read Othello?

"Print is dead." The famous quote by Egon from Ghostbusters, has become more and more true. A recent convention of newspaper writers and journalists, were told that "Print is dead." The advise of the conference... get over it. Start working on delivering your journalism digitally and stop trying to save your ink-and-paper business.

I think nothing will replace holding a book but here are two awesome sites. They both contain full digital texts of thousands of books. When their copyrights expire they go up on the web! One of which I pulled yesterdays "Othello" quote from when I couldn't be positive I had it right.

Project Gutenberg - An awesome website, the oldest free source of eBooks on the net. 1600 eBooks! Rock on!
The Literature Network - Another site for online books. - 1200 Full books, 2000 short stories, and poetry by over 250 Authors. Wow!

The good news, this ain't Napster or Kazaa it's 100% legal and good reading. I'm sure there are more but these two tend to have what I need.

But when you want the real thing go here, it's where my dough goes. "Do, Ray, Egon!"
(That's symmetry baby! Beginning and ending with Ghostbusters quotes!)

Lessons from Shakespeare: Small Beer

Othello, Act II, Scene I

(Desdemona asked what Iago looks for in a "deserving woman." )

Iago:
She that was ever fair and never proud,
Had tongue at will and yet was never loud,
Never lack'd gold and yet went never gay,
Fled from her wish and yet said 'Now I may,'
She that being anger'd, her revenge being nigh,
Bade her wrong stay and her displeasure fly,
She that in wisdom never was so frail
To change the cod's head for the salmon's tail;
She that could think and ne'er disclose her mind,
See suitors following and not look behind,
She was a wight, if ever such wight were,--

Let's pause here for a moment. Iago has painted a lovely picture. If you not into Shakespeare I'll translate line by line but it looses its poetry:

A woman who was beautiful but no full of herself
Good with words, but not loud.
Has never been left wanting for money but is not frivolous
Able to control her impulse but indulge when the time it right
Makes right wrongs against her soon (I think William hated grudge holding women)
Another line about giving up grudges
Has lots of wisdom
Can trade bad for good
Was thoughtful but need not tell everyone what she is thinking.
Would be aware of those who like her but not overly occupied with the thought
The last line: She was a wight, if such a wight were...
This means, "She is a ghost/phantom" meaning, such a woman doesn't exist. "But if she did exist"...

Some of you are thinking, "This Iago thing should replace 1 Corinthians 13 at weddings!" Well, true enough, Iago has painted a lovely picture, but if you know the play you know you're not allowed to like Iago. The scene continues...

Desdemona responds to "But if she did exist..." by saying: "To do what?"

Iago: To suckle fools and chronicle small beer.

(Ouch. Small beer is an expression that is not used much anymore, but I bet your grandfather would know it. It means something of small importance.)

Translation: To raise babies and keep the books on small beans.

So Iago goes and ruins it, just like an intellectual male. Perhaps this is painful because it is often true. Good women end up in less than grand situations. I think because they don't know what they want. Women say they want a man who is funny and whom her parents like, but I can testify to the falseness of this claim. I've had to break up with as many girlfriend's moms as girlfriends, they don't want to let go of me.

So the greatest of women sometimes go to what Iago and Desdemona consider an unworthy fate. Dessie says of this small beer remark, "O most lame and impotent of conclusion!"

But I think the real fault here is not in the fate of great women raising children and managing a home. The fault is in Iago and Desdemona thinking this is some kind of small beer. This is a colossal undertaking and surely worthy of some credit. I'm not saying I don't want a wife with a job. In fact, if my wife made more money than me, I'd take time off to raise the suckling fools.

I know what your thinking, "Trey sure is sensitive, I like'd to date a sensitive man." But it's not true, you really want a man who is emotionally distant and who angers your mother.

Well, I'd like someone who meets Iago's criteria of deserving, even down to the "suckling fools and chronicling small beer." (And small beer is not an understatement on a ministers salary.) But I'm only giving this nice-guy-funny-baby-loving-mom-loved persona one or two more tries. Then I'm becoming an emotionally-distant-rude-controlling-jerk that women appear to actually be attracted to.

Non-Prose: Haiku

I think I could have been a better poet. I just needed time, talent and less sarcasm.

This time I'm doing Haiku, my favorite.
Here is Google's definition of Haiku.
In brief it is non-rhyming poetry with three lines, with 5-7-5 syllables in each.

I invite you to submit your own haiku poetry.

Here is my first submission:

"Constantinople"
Said the sign at Istanbul
Procrastination

The Sorting Hat

Sorting Hat Quizzes Links:

I'd suggest you go with your 1st impulse. But I know Katie won't be able to avoid giving the "Church Answer" or in this case the "Gryffindor Answer." Do all 3 and see where you land.

Sorting 1 - Pretty Good
Sorting 2 - Pretty Good, watch out for ties on the score card
Sorting 3 - Only 5 Questions , the tie breaker.

I got 2 Slytherin and 1 Gryffindor.

My intern Kelly got 1 Hufflepuff, 1.5 Gryffindor, and 0.5 Ravenclaw (even though she tried to choose the Gryffindor answers). She is clearly a Hufflepuffer all the way though. Her primary dynamic is helpful not Courageous.

Call me the Green Arrow, wait no! Hawkeye!

If you don't know those two super heroes they are both mostly normal people with extreme skill in one area: archery. They are kind of like Batman, but without a cave and an attitude problem. In fact, Hawkeye is a notorious joker, but it doesn't really matter he was recently killed by the Scarlet Witch.

Ok the point of that comic book ramble is to say, I bought a bow and arrow. Technically I bought a bow, six arrows, a foam target, an arm guard, a drawing glove and a stinger. I'm pretty good from about 15 feet right now, but the man at the store says my bow could be used on a deer 25 or 30 yards away, when I've sighted it in. I don't think I'll be doing any deer hunting soon, but its good to know I could.

Ryan wrote about gun safety, but it would take a goliath to sting my bow. Even when strung most children couldn't draw it. It has a 50# pull, and takes about 70# to string it. I've shot my father's compound bow from time to time, but this seems more natural and more fun. Mine is a recurve bow, meaning it doesn't have any of those cams or gears, just one strung, one piece of wood, a boy and the call of nature.

Burglars beware: If you break in, and wait 5 minutes for me to get my gear on, and a few more to string the bow, then hold still while I draw and aim, then don't laugh when my first two miss you, then move a little closer, then you better watch out.

Hey Milo

The game that is sweeping the nation (and by nation I mean Saturn Road {and by Saturn Road I mean the Children's Ministry [and by children's ministry I mean myself and the 5th grade boys and Luke]})

In short the game is trying to trick your friend into answering to the name "Milo." This is the ultimate insult to be the Milo. It's tricky but you'll catch on quickly unless you are more mature than a 5th grade boy.

Here is the link: HEY MILO!

I suggest you learn the "Official Rules" before you try to counter-combos, and don't bother witht the comics they are no good.

Next time I see one of you bloggers IRL I'm going to try this one you and I'll be ready with my victory dance!

Madi's Surgery

Madison couldn't eat after like 8 last night for her eye surgery they said would be at 11:30. But of course the surgery didn't begin until like 1:30pm so she was pretty hungry. In a sympathetic-father-of-the-year-move Greg told Madison he wouldn't eat until she did so they would be hungry together. We all got to talk to her and she was very brave throughout the process of waiting.

MiMi bought her some extremly fuzzy pink socks that she wore the entire time. Aunt Chi (Shi?) told Madison it wasn't Surgery Day it was Present Day so now I have to go shopping.

I'm thankful to God that everything went well, I had knots in my stomach last night. Madison is one tough cookie. I say that because she's had a broken arm and eye surgery in two weeks, also she is full of sugar and chocolate chips.

It's bad to be a boyscout in July

Last month was a very bad month for the boyscouts!
All these events happen in July:

One troop got attacked by a bear!
Four scout leaders die when their tent pole hit a power line!
A bunch of them got heat exhaustion!

Can you believe that! I mean has there ever been a clear sign that this is not a rough and tumble bunch of tough wilderness guides?

I can forgive the bear attack, I mean you should know better than attract a bear to your camp but hey, bygones.

But the four adult scout leaders who died is just kind of sad, these were the people teach the kids?

And then hundreds of dehydrated scouts waiting to hear... none other than ole W. Bush. If that doesn't add insult to injury then what does? I love the man but he is not on the centuries great oratories. Sometime you can see him sounding things our in his head.

In conclusion, loose the scouts, keep Bush.

How come... children's program (non-cartoon) edition

How come Ms. Patty cake is obsessed with cake, does she have an undiagnosed eating disorder?

How come all the Teletubies like custard at the same time, it's more likely Tinky Winky would be like, "Can I have some Jello instead?" Diagnosis: Conformist Personality Group

How come Fred Rogers didn't name each episode of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, he only gave them numbers, and there were like 10,000 of them? Sub-question: Why did he change from one sweater into another and the shoes? Strange... I think he's OCD.

How come Barney is always so happy... I'd like to see an episode where he springs out of that toy and is like, "Honest kids, my step-dad just called and laid into me for not having an "honest man's job. Can I have a minute with your questions about rainbows and butterflies?"

How come the Wiggles are color coordinate all the time. I like green too but sometime I need a change. I'd like to a see tie-dye Wiggle come on board and blow their minds. Sub-question: When is Wags the Dog going to bite Capt. Feathersword that guys been asking for it.

How come Sesame Street doesn't have any homeless people living in it... and I don't count Oscar even though he lives in a trash can. I want the kids to get to meet Hobo Dan, they'd learn compassion and not to give them money when they try and clean your windshield with wet newspaper.

How come Reading Rainbow went off the air. It told a beautiful story of how Geordi LeForge became a starship chief engineer, although I guess it went off the air because Geordi went blind and didn't want to learn brail.

How come Mr. Wizard never blew himself up and took that inquisitive teen ager with him?

How come Captain Kangaroo was never attacked by a pack of dingos?

How come Bozo the Clown didn't get involved in market research, I think Bozo the Market Researcher would have gone over big.

How come the Puzzle Place was never missing an edge piece like every other puzzle I ever did?

How come Power Rangers changed cast ever 3 years? I think they didn't televise the episode where they all got brutally exploded!

How come the kids on Ghost Writer never called an old priest and a young priest?

How come that lady from Romper Room never used her mirror to look into bathrooms when nobody was looking?

How come Fat Albert never had a gastric bypass?

How come H.R. Puffinstuff never confronted his addiction to Puff the Magic Dragon?

How come Pee Wee's Playhouse had talking furniture but not a talking toilet?

How come I never had my own show?