How come... children's program (non-cartoon) edition

How come Ms. Patty cake is obsessed with cake, does she have an undiagnosed eating disorder?

How come all the Teletubies like custard at the same time, it's more likely Tinky Winky would be like, "Can I have some Jello instead?" Diagnosis: Conformist Personality Group

How come Fred Rogers didn't name each episode of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, he only gave them numbers, and there were like 10,000 of them? Sub-question: Why did he change from one sweater into another and the shoes? Strange... I think he's OCD.

How come Barney is always so happy... I'd like to see an episode where he springs out of that toy and is like, "Honest kids, my step-dad just called and laid into me for not having an "honest man's job. Can I have a minute with your questions about rainbows and butterflies?"

How come the Wiggles are color coordinate all the time. I like green too but sometime I need a change. I'd like to a see tie-dye Wiggle come on board and blow their minds. Sub-question: When is Wags the Dog going to bite Capt. Feathersword that guys been asking for it.

How come Sesame Street doesn't have any homeless people living in it... and I don't count Oscar even though he lives in a trash can. I want the kids to get to meet Hobo Dan, they'd learn compassion and not to give them money when they try and clean your windshield with wet newspaper.

How come Reading Rainbow went off the air. It told a beautiful story of how Geordi LeForge became a starship chief engineer, although I guess it went off the air because Geordi went blind and didn't want to learn brail.

How come Mr. Wizard never blew himself up and took that inquisitive teen ager with him?

How come Captain Kangaroo was never attacked by a pack of dingos?

How come Bozo the Clown didn't get involved in market research, I think Bozo the Market Researcher would have gone over big.

How come the Puzzle Place was never missing an edge piece like every other puzzle I ever did?

How come Power Rangers changed cast ever 3 years? I think they didn't televise the episode where they all got brutally exploded!

How come the kids on Ghost Writer never called an old priest and a young priest?

How come that lady from Romper Room never used her mirror to look into bathrooms when nobody was looking?

How come Fat Albert never had a gastric bypass?

How come H.R. Puffinstuff never confronted his addiction to Puff the Magic Dragon?

How come Pee Wee's Playhouse had talking furniture but not a talking toilet?

How come I never had my own show?