Minister's Mooch Meal: A Guide to Free Food

My sister is compiling a cookbook for the Saturn Road 50's anniversary. Here is my submission.

Minister's Mooch Meal: A Guide to Free Food
By Trey Laminack

This recipe calls for:
1 Cup Hunger
2 Tbs. Poverty
A Dash of Moxy
Salt and Pepper to Taste

Ten Tricks of the Trade:
1) Know when to loiter: Best Times include after Bible Class and after 2nd Service
2) Select your target: Good targets - Empty Nesters, Baby Boomers. Bad targets - Visitors, College Students.
3) Approach: Approach a group making plans for lunch an angle. Never from behind or directly head on, as this is confrontational. (With the proper reputation they will approach you.)
4) The Opener: Open the entire group but do not specifically mention food. Example: "What have you guys got planned for the rest of the day?"
5) Attitude: Act like you've got somewhere to be. This makes you look like your not begging, but don't look too busy. It's a matter of finesse.
6) The invitation: When it comes (and it will) smile and say, "That'd be great, I've been wanting to talk with you guys some more."
7) The location: At this point the usual "Where do you want to eat?" war happens. People don't want to make a decision. You should already have a place in mind, bearing in mind expense, kid friendly and you personal taste. Showing you can make a decision of this nature proves you are a valuable part of the dinning group.
8) Be the center of attention: If people enjoy your company then they will invite you back. When you get a really big laugh excuse yourself for a moment (leave them wanting more). Use this time to visit the kid's table, giving the targets a chance to appreciate you verbally to each other.
9) The Bill: It is best not to totally ignore the bill, better to visually recognize it but carry on with your conversation. 90% of the time the target will drop plastic and hand it back to the waiter.
10) The Thank You: By all means be gracious but remember that ideally they should thank you for eating with them.

Beware the Traps:
1) The Bill: You may be tempted to do that "half-reach" thing for the bill to illicit your target to pick it up first, but if this backfires you end up holding it.
2) Lose of credibility: If this happens reassert yourself. After they pick up the tab you spring for dessert, people will forget their larger investment in the face of a brownie fudge Sunday! (Remember, you get to eat some too.)
3) The Kids Table: Invariably I get placed at the kid's table becoming defacto babysitter. If this happens color and have fun and order the most expensive thing on the menu.
4) The Blind Date - Beware free food if it comes with a chance to meet someone's niece or co-worker. Tell them that historically you don't date girls with "good personalities."


Well, there you have it. Don't forget, I'll be starting Project Nonconformity later this week. Some have asked how to prepare for this. In the spirit of recipes here is your list of ingredients you'll need:
2 Pair of Clean Socks
1 Pair Blue Jean or Wrinkle free Khaki's
2 Comfortable monotone shirts (no plaids)
1 Passport
1 English-Russian Dictionary or working knowledge thereof.
1 Pocket Knife
3 Coupons for local supermarket, preferably Baby Food
7 Pieces of Graph Paper
1 Mechanical Pencil
12 Business Cards or 12 index cards with your information written on them.
$300 personal burial money
1 Savior in Jesus
A Dash of Moxy
Do not bring shame or guilt about your life.

Lamb's Blog of Life

"All who live on earth whose names have not been written in the Book of Life will worship the beast. " Revelation 13:8

Ok one week ago I asked for a roll call. Here are the results.

The list of people who do read my blog:
Ryan and Maggie
Stephen
Dr. Worm
Jennifer R
Jennifer M
Jennifer G and NAIRB
Danny Sims
My Mother and Father
Jonathan and Holly
Josh and Suzie
James and Linda C.
Mr and Mrs. "Hey Man"
"Little Bro" - Not to be confused with my actual little brother
Lindsey
Ashley
Emily
Rachel the Intern
Kelly the Intern
Janice
Jeff
Joey and Mrs. Joey
My Sister
Morgan
Jonny B
Derek
Joanie
Pam LeFans and fam
Shirley and prolly Mike
Detective 27
Alice McD
Cecelia (rarely)
Karen B


People who don't read my blog:
My Brother
Mike Cope
The President of the United States

All in all the count is 40+ in the Lamb's Blog of Life.

Now that I have a real record of my foot soldiers I will be starting Project Nonconformity this week. Prepare yourselves.

"Jihad Uno"

Ok the MANDATORY SOUND OFF continues. If you've missed this thread click back and sign off. I'll update the Lamb's Blog of Life List on Monday. You don't want to be left out.

Hey Man, Little Bro and Myself played uno last weekend with hilarious results. We kept making new rules as we went. It made the game a little more interesting. I suggest you don't add all these at once, just blend them slowly into your game. And feel free to make up your own.
Here are the new rules with which to play uno.

1) Harry Potter Veto Rule - Do not play Harry Potter Uno as it may result in the loss of friendships.
2) Twins - Playing two identical cards (matching in color and rank) on top of each other is called Twins. Each player not involved in the twins must draw one card. Example: HM plays a "Blue 2" on top of a "Blue 2" played by LB. Everyone but those who just played a blue two must draw one card. Play continues. (It need not be a numbers, two red skips can be twins)
3) Trip - When three of the same card type/rank of three different colors are played in turn, the person playing the third may choose someone to draw 2 cards. Ex: A plays a red 8, B plays a blue 8, then C plays green 8. C may choose any player in the game to to draw two.
4) Quads - Like trips but four cards of of the same rank/type are played each of the four different colors. Whoever plays the fourth card may choose to swap hands with another player. (If this trade results in only one card in a hand that player must still call Uno)
5) The Oops Rule - If you play out of turn (usually resulting from being confused about a skip or reverse) you must pick up your card and hold it face out in hand for all to see until you may play it.
6) The Stacking Draws Rule - Any draw cards that are played on top stack their draws. A plays a Draw 2, B draws 2 cards but cannot play, C plays a Draw 2, D draws 4 cards and cannot play, A's turn again, he plays a wild draw 4 causing B to draw 8 cards and not being able to play. This rule also carries the exception that you can only play a wild draw 4 if you don't have a card of the right color to play, forget that old rule, you can put the hurting on anyone anytime you want now.
7) The Mark of the Beast - If three red 6's are played in succession the person who played the last one may hand all but one of his cards to another player. (This player must still call "Uno!")

Well we played with each of these (except #7 which we discussed but couldn't decide how it would work. Our first draft of rule 7 called for banishing a player from the game! But if you leave the game of Uno you've won!). I've played this kind of game before, but in that one each player who won could add a rule so long as the others in the table didn't shout it down.

And "Jihad" is yelled whenever a player uses a new rule to spoil your best laid plans.

Leave a Comment about a new Uno rule you'd like to try. I'll start...

Big Dad Stories

1st if you haven't added yourself to the list please do so at MANDATORY SOUND OFF.

Big Dad told me a handful of stories when I was in Kindergarten and 1st Grade before he died. Luckily he told me the same stories over and over again often enough that I remember them. I found out after his death that he hadn't shared these with the entire family. Some of the things he told me aren't appropriate for a 1st grader to hear but that is what made them so good.

Hmm... where to begin.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Frank Retzlaff (later to be known as Frank Retzlaff, Sr. and "Big Dad) was somewhat older than the rest of the boys who enlisted in the Texas National Guard during World War 2. His being just 4-6 (fuzzy memory) years older made him a big brother figure to all the raw 18 year olds who signed up to avoid being drafted. He became very popular and apparently also did some cooking for the men in his barracks.

Routine Inspection was a part of their lives, a part that was often failed. The extremely high standards of cleanliness were difficult to maintain, but not for Big Dad. With spare cash he had purchased duplicate items such as a shaving kit. This second kit, he never used. It's silver pristine blades and combs always looked brand new. Others in the group were often told to keep their footlocker as nicely as Retzlaff. Sometime during this time he got promoted to what I assume is a PFC.

The Drill sergeant would periodically announce an unplanned hike. This hike would require your rifle and full pack, about 60 pounds of stuff, and last at least 3 or 4 hours. Usually they would return to the base before nightfall. Big Dad didn't want to carry all that stuff so he loaded up his pack with wads of newspaper. This worked fine until one hike when they called for the recruits to make camp for the night unexpectedly. He had nothing! Luckily his buddies let him sleep in their tent, threw their coats over him and gave him their four rations which he cooked into 5 meals.

He was later stationed at some kind of supply depot in North Africa. At one point he got a two week pass to go to Paris to take an army cooking class. I have no idea what an army cooking class might look like but that does matter because neither did Big Dad. He only showed up on the last day, having spent the previous 13 doing things that are not appropriate to tell a 1st grader. Anyway, on that one day he learned to make split-pea soup. At the end of the day he got his certificate just like all the poor slobs who turned up for the entire course.

Back at the Supply depot, Big Dad was exposed to dozen of broken down old jeeps and various parts. They were considered scrap by the army and not really catalogued well. He took it upon himself to build himself a Frankenstein Jeep made of spare parts from the rubble of old jeeps. He was the only PFC in North Africa to have his own Jeep! He would drive himself and his buddies into town every now and then to do things that you shouldn't tell a 1st grader.

When he was being shipped out, he did his best to beg, bribe and sneak his Frankenjeep onto the ship they were going home on. The crane operator was busy, the gangplank was too narrow... problems prevented him from getting it on board. Eventually they sailed way, with his custom jeep idling on the end of the dock. Big Dad always ended this story by wondering whatever became of the old Jeep.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Well there you have it. These are perhaps the most prized memories I have of my maternal grandfather. I feel somewhat odd sharing them on the internet but I suppose it's best his memory live on in case I'm in some kind of fiery automobile accident.

Talking to Old People

First if you haven't already signed onto the MANDATORY SOUND OFF post do so now.
I am trying to get some idea of who actually reads this blog. Don't worry, I'll wait here until you get back.

Ok, for those who are already on the list you may read on at your own risk.

Today I have been asked to speak at the CCC (Christian Care Center). They only want about 7 minutes of devotional but what do I give them. I'm used to speaking with children 12 and under, not those 80+.

I've considered shareing some stories from my maternal grandfather's time in WWII. Stories I found out after his death that he only told to me. He didn't get into any combat stories (if he had any) nor any negative aspects of war. His stories to me were all about being the smartest man in his unit. (Read smartest as "trickiest" as many involved getting out of bad work.)

Then transition into "Tell your story." Empowering them to share their lives and how God has shaped their lives. If it goes well I might type in a transcript.

But this blog should be more about my inability to "t a l k s l o w l y." I tend to get excited and speed up. I think I need someone with a big YIELD sign in the back ready to flag me down.

Mandatory Sound Off

Ok Blog Readers,

I keep being surprised by people who read my blog. The trouble is I want to retell stories I've already told online. So if you don't want to hear re-runs then you will sound off.

I like it when people leave me a note otherwise I feel like I'm being stalked when a relative stranger says something like, "I'm sorry about your dog" or "When do you have time to read all those books?" or "Your spelling is atrocius."

I ate lunch with Josh and Suzie and they mentioned Suzie's rents were reading my blog and enjoyed it. Yet, they've never said anything.

Here's the problem: I'm not your trained blogger monkey. I'm not just here to amuse you! This blog thing is supposed to be reciprical. I write, you respond, I respond back. If I wanted to write something and get no responses I just wouldn't publicize the blog address.

OK, so on to the Manditory sound off. Once a month (at least sign in under any name besides anonymous and say hey. Last post Josh just wrote, "I read your blog." That is enough. It reminds me who my readers are. Knowing Josh reads this thing I might be prone to share a Josh related story such as "I'll just have a sugar packet or two" or "Spoo."

Ok, if you fail to comply with my simple demand for acknowledge ment I'll move my blog and not tell you were to get your weekly fix from your trained blogger monkey.

As a post script, People I currently know read my blog:

Ryan and Maggie
Katie and maybe Stephen
Dr. Worm (and wife?)
Jennifer R
Jennifer G and NAIRB
Danny Sims
My Mother and Father
Jonathan and Holly
Josh and Suzie (and apparently her parents)
Mr and Mrs. "Hey Man" (this is a good use of a screen name, you don't have to go by your IRL handle)
Lindsey
Emily
Rachel the Intern (maybe, maybe not)
Kelly the Intern
Janice
Jeff and Joey (and potentially their wives but I doubt it).

People who don't read my blog:
My brother
Mike Cope
My Sister
My preacher

(If your name isn't on that list either post on my blog or send me an email at TLaminack@Saturnroad.org)

If I find you've been reading without ever posting I'm going to get a restraining order... or I'll sick the dogs on you. Or I'll sick the bees on you. Or the dogs, with bees in their mouth so that when they bark the shoot bees at you!

(10019)

The Thirst: January Review

Vampires thirst blood. Mere humans thirst for water. Fish... may not ever be thirst. But me, I thirst for knowledge. I surf the net, I read blogs and magazines. But the only thing that really calms my bloodlust for information well is books. I'm addicted.

Here is an incomplete list of the books I've bought thus far in 2006. (I say incomplete because it is based mostly on my amazon account, but I usually buy one or two other books at local store each week.)
January Review [%Completed]
1) The Postmodern Parish: New Ministry for a New Era ~[0]
2) Generations : The History of America's Future, 1584 to 2069 ~ [5]
3) The Fourth Turning ~ [10]
4) Mathematics in a Postmodern Age: A Christian Perspective by Howell, Russell [10]
5) The Preacher, Graphic Novels Vol 2-7 [100] (I bought vol. 1 in December)
6) Astonishing X-Men Vol 1: Gift ~ (Another TPB) [100]
7) 13th Gen : Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail? [0]
8) NLP: The New Technology (This is about a kind of conscious hypnosis.) [10]
9) The ABC of Handwriting Analysis [40]
10) Grand Master SuDoKu (Not really a book book but I guess I counts) [5]
11) The Zombie Survival Guide [10]
12) The Bartimaeus Trilogy, Vol 1: The Amulet of Samarkand (Children's fantasy book) [0]
13) The Dante Club [0]
14) American Pastoral [0] (This one won the pulitzer but I will prolly read the Zombie guide first)
15) And a bunch of comic books - I regularly buy 3-5 a week (Batman, JLA, X-Men, Spidey, Avengers, and anything that looks interesting) [100]
16) I have a subscription to Discover Magazine [50-75, monthly]
17) I'm sure I'm forgetting something -

As you can see I got on a graphic novel and generational/postmodern theory kick.

The real problem here is I tend to buy more books than I can read in a given month. I ready pretty quick and fairly often. I have dozens of "active" books in little piles all over the house. The books I bought before then that are on the "fast-track" to completion include:
1) Postmodern Children's Ministry [50]
2) 100 Years of Solitude [75, but lost somewhere its kind of sad to imagine this book all alone somewhere]
3) Finding Darwin God [60]

I can't help myself, I don't have cable, I don't have dog, I don't have enough bookshelf space. I can see by looking at this list that it is possible I bought more books this month than many of my friends will read in an entire year. Here is the scary thing: This isn't an uncommon month and it ain't over yet.

I have the Thirst, I have the Disease. But the cure for the thirst is the primary cause of the next set. One book references another.

Looking back at my Amazon information. It appears the first thing I bought was back in 2001, a present for my niece Madison. It was a Barbie Inflatable End Table. I wonder if it has popped because I don't see it at their house. While I'm logged in I better see what Ms. Amazon will suggest I buy today... she knows me so well.

While I was away...

While I was away... (I'll try and go in chronological order)

1) I got a big response to my last blog, people seemed to like being given homework via blog.

2) CEC went well, we flew to San Antonio. Which basically goes like this.

"We'll be taking off soon, please blah yada yackity blah."
"We are now climbing."
"We have reached our target altitude you may now roam about the cabin... uhm, strike that... we'll now be making our decent please return your tray tables to their blah yada yackity blah"

4) The conference was fun. When the last item ended at 9pm lots of the older people went to bed and I organized a "Jail Break." I'd like to tell you what we did but the first rule of the Jail break is you don't talk about the Jail Break.

5) I got voted onto the Board of the CEA. But my thunder was soon stolen when Cecelia was voted "Best Christian of the Year." She got a trophy and a dozen speeches, I got a 7am meeting.

6) I bought a "wired" magazine and now I have to have a Lego Mindstorms NXT set!

7) I finished a "Fiendish" Sudoku in 20 minutes on the flight home! "Go Trey! It's your Birthday! Go Trey! You big Dork!"

8) Wednesday night I fell asleep with my weed-wacker on and I woke up without a beard.

9 And most recently I skipped #3. (This joke stollen from the Super Chi charter.)

CEC - What to do when I'm out of town.

I'm going to the CEC which stands for like Christian Educators Conferance this Sunday. I will be out of the office until Wednesday evening. Please try and hold on until then. If I can get online I will post an update. I know some of you may be about to panic, but don't.

Until I get back you could try (Try at least on a day):
1) I've updated my links section to include other blogs. Proceed with caution.
2) Post on if I should or shouldn't shave off the beard (I'll be keeping the goatee)
3) Post on which super hero you would like to be. (For the sake of argument you may not choose Superman, Batman, Wonderwoman, Spider-man or Wolverine. If you don't know any other google Marvel Comics Characters or DC Comic Characters.)
4) Learn a new dance step or invent one
5) Try and find the Zondervan NIV Study Bible Software case that I lost because it has the product key and I can't use it without it.
6) Create your own blog. Lots of you ruetinely post on my blog without one of your own so I can return the favore. Don't worry to much about it being "great" just post something of interest once a week to start.
7) Write someone you know an actual letter. (Not email... you know, paper, stamp address, thought.)
8) Play minesweeper until you have beaten beginner and intermediate.
9) Write an anonymous memo to you boss and sign it, "The Spoiler." Suggest in the memo that 4 people get fired. Include the three best employees at the office and yourself.
10) Tell a stranger they have lint on them.
11) Ask a coworker to go to lunch you don't normally talk to.
12) Email someone from your old high school and confess you stole their college acceptance letters from the mail years ago.
13) Only shave one leg or one side of your face until I get back.
14) Call a friend and make plans for dinner, then call back 15 minutes later to cancel says, "I've gotten a better offer."
15) When in an area with two different colored tiles, choose one and walk on it. Tell others, "The black square are lava."
16) Ride an elevator facing away from the doors and the numbers. (other will often do the same)
17) When in traffic and someone cuts you off or you cut someone off and they drive up to give you the finger, be ready for them. Make eye contact (most people avoid it), smile reaaaaaally big, give the thumbs up, the draw your thumb across you throat and point at the passenger in your car. Mouth the words "Olive juice!" over and over again.
18) Write a poem them burn it. (Lets face it you can't write poetry.) Then say, "Yesterday I wrote a poem then burnt it in the sink." If someone asks why say, "Because there is a burn ban."
19) Introduce yourself with your middle name every teller, receptionist or drive thru worker, even if they don't care or ask.
20) Look at a picture of yourself from college and wonder where that skinny person went.

There that should hold you over.

Oh and #21) Find all the typos in this blog because I refoose to spell checj.

Minesweeper

I like minesweeper. The rules are simple and finite. Each square contains either a bomb or a number representing how many bombs it is touching. Some people play as though it is some kind of chaotic mess but it is not. There are patterns and laws in place.

From the Help Menu, an overview:
“The object of Minesweeper is to locate all the mines as quickly as possible without uncovering any of them. If you uncover a mine, you lose the game.”

If only people where as easy to read as minesweeper. For example if you ask someone about their failed relationships they would show you a dark teal “6” telling you to tread softly or just back off entirely. Or if you ask about someone’s work (and they just got promoted) they’d show you that inviting light blue “1”.

But of course people just mess up their system. They’d be oversensitive about something and show the most powerful number (the dark gray “8”) over something that should be trivial. And we all know someone who has no sense of propriety and tends to overshare they’d wave you right into an uncomfortable conversation with a series of green “2’s” and light blue “1’s”.

It is really easy to misread someone, particularly if you are tired, or focus on yourself. I get the distinct impression sometimes people are just watching my lips move as they think of what they are going to say. When I do pay attention to what people are saying I find I put my foot in my mouth much less often, even if I do waste valuable time thinking before I speak.

For the record my best minesweeper times are as follows.
Beginner – 8 seconds
Intermediate – 50 seconds
Expert – 415 seconds

My advice for the game: Don’t guess. Learn how to double click with both mouse buttons to “chord.” Learn the 1-2 Rule. Practice and when you die examine your mistakes before pressing the smiley face to start over.

And here is the complete color code if any of you want to print out these cards and carry them with you at all times to make my life easier.
1 Light blue
2 green
3 red
4 Dark Blue
5 Burgundy
6 Dark Teal
7 Black
8 Dark Gray

Blogger Therapy: Trey the Fraud

People don't always believe me when I say I sometimes have real problems with my self-confidence. I attribute this naivete to me being a real "bull" artist. (People also don't believe I'm an introvert, just get over it people, I'm just a good faker.) I handle this different ways. Sometimes I eat. Often I bury myself in work. Sometimes I sleep more than I should. Sometimes I play ps2 for a couple of hours and not answer my cell. (I also pray so often that I forget to mention it in these little lists.)

Sometimes to rally myself I think about how Babe Ruth led the league in Homerun, as we all know. But he also led the league in strikeouts. What if he had focused only on the latter? But that doesn't usually work because I don't really like baseball.

The only thing I will add is to remind you of this: Whenever I feel low on self-confidence I just think of my "self-confidence-totem-celebrity" Tom Cruise. Tom doesn't double (or triple or quadruple) think his decisions. He makes up his mind and he goes for it. Would Maverick waver in his attempt to save Goose? Would risky boy wonder if it's a good idea to slide around in his underwear? Whenever I feel I need a boost I think. "What would Tom do?" Then I make a decision and jump up and down on a couch.

Eventually I come out of it and realize I'm not a fraud. I'm the real deal baby! I could marry Katie Holmes if I wanted too! (If I wasn't afraid of commitment that is, but that is a different blog entirely.)

Please, do not bother posting how good I am at my job. I am not looking for affirmation, in fact it tends to bother me (I am really only motivated by myself anyway). Instead post what you do or think when you feel a bout of low self-esteem. (Also post who your "self-confidence-totem-celebrity" is. It doesn't have to be a great person in all regards, just high in self-confidence. Like Tom is very confident but also a nutbar sometimes.)

The Lady in the Fabric Store with the Big Mouth

So I was in the fabric store buying material and a pattern as I often do on a Saturday afternoon (cough).

And as the fabric lady starts cutting the fabric I mention to my friend who I'm with that my New Years Revolution of exercise is going well. And I facetiously remarked that I would eat whatever I wanted and ride my bike like a madman to get into shape.

This appeared to anger the Fabric Story Lady with the Big Mouth (FSLwBM). She went off on me telling me about how unhealthy that was. I just nodded assuming she'd say one or two sentences and then get back to cutting the fabric. But noooo.... Ms. FSLwBM just kept right on trucking. She told me about about diabetes and other diseases. Then she said I'd be a skinny but unhealthy person. To this my friend, Cajun Cowgirl, remarked "About now, I'd take unhealthy to be skinny."

We all had a good laugh but FSLwBM wouldn't stop. I tried to ignore her. I tried to talk about fabric but she would not relent. She was asking about a history of high bloodpressure in my family and ender with something like, "Do you really think that's a good idea?" I said, "What? Three yards of fabric? Yes, I think three yards of fabric is a good idea." (Trying to remind her she was just the FSLwBM and not my dietitian.) I think she went on talking about my weight for half an hour after we left. Why does the entire world conspire against me?

But seriously folks, I have been doing well. I've decided on working up to longer rides by exercising 6 days a week. Here is my weekly progress on the bike.

Time: 1hr 30 min (actually a bit more but I'm recording time as much as I am distance.)
Goal Distance: 24.2 Miles
Actual Distance: 25.0 Miles.
Average Speed: 16.7 mph

I've upped next weeks goal distance to keep pushing myself.

Freedom... yeeeeeaaaah!

Finally I am free from the 12 blogs of christmas. I've felt so pent up.

I've been wanting to tell you how much I hate that song "Photograph" by Nickleback. "look at this photograph/everytime i do it makes me laugh/how did our eyes get so red/and what is that on jimmy head" I hate it. It is worthless and stupid. It is just so nostalgic and lame and it is from a "hard rock" group. Everytime I hear this song I get physically angry.

And what's with New Years Eve TV being all about some old guy being paired with some new guy.I think Carson Daily is a talentless waste of amino acids.

I'm somewhat lonely, but people tell me, "I would have called but I thought you'd be busy." Wrong. Not busy, no plans.

My mom wanted a cat for christmas. Dad said he wanted to keep the carpet clean so don't. I said I was allergic. These things don't matter, she bought two. I didn't sleep for 72 from Christmas Adam, thru Christmas Eve, and into Christmas day. I would toss and turn and wake up every 30 minutes. In short, I had dander induced sleep apnea and I got very rude and annoyed. But what do you expect? My bedroom was painted pink and turned into a study the week I left for college. I'm surprised they haven't changed the locks.

It was fun buying gifts for my nieces and Maddox. If your Christmas is devoid of children I say cancel it.

My real estate agent isn't talking to me. I haven't done my paperwork. When asked what kind of house I wanted I said, "Three bedrooms, no kitchen." He didn't get it.

I miss my friends in fort worth. We don't get together anymore. Should I make an effort to organize something? I dunno. If I do I have to get all of their schedules straight.

I've been riding my bicycle as planned on my new years revoltions but it is hard. Plus it requires alot of extra showers.

I'm going to San Antonio in two weeks for a conference. I like the town, I left a pair of grey slacks in the same hotel I'll be in this time two years ago. They said they had them and would hold them for me then. I will be asking for them back. (They were nice, flat front, no cuffs.)

I've been at my job for about one year now. Everyone seems happy with me but I keep thinking that I'm a fraud and I'll soon be found out.

I want to shave my beard but I think my face is fat under there from the holidays.

I'm thinking that this blog thing is about over. My counter has slowed down. And people don't leave as many comments as they used to. Other blogers post less often than they used to. Some people's posts I hardly read because they are so dull I feel my brain locking up. I just scan for my name then move on. Is this the end of our blog ring?

I've got SAD. Seasonal Affective Disorder. (Even though it's 75 degrees outside.)

There I feel a lot better getting all of that out.

It's the Chronic!

What?
-Cles of Narnia!

Chronicles of Narnia Pictures

New Years Revolutions

Well like everyone else I've made some New Years Revolutions.
I say revolution because they always come back around.

1) Ride my bike - I've got a chart with work out goals. I play to ride at least 30 miles a week during January. And 35 in Feb. Hopefully 100 a month buy the end of the year. Go, metabolism, go!
2) Lift those heavy weights I bought - I bought 15's but I get tired pretty quick. Maybe 5's?
3) Diet - I've given up on the Atkins. I just can't live that way for more than 2 months and I end up gaining it back. So new diet: Limit sugar, no fried foods, no emotional eating. (I know it's rocket science.)
4) Shave off my beard - I'm giving myself til Dec 31st, 2006 to get this done.
5) Strangle my orthodontist or get my braces off this year.
6) Get everyone to call me "The Duke."
7) Stop buying new books until the 100 books I own that I haven't read yet are finished.
8) Live in a house with things on the walls and maintain a standard of cleanliness that a visitor could drop by unannounced.
9) Get married - HA! Just kidding, I just wanted to get my mom's hopes up for a second.
And #10) Live up to the hype.

Well Happy New Year.

I hope this year goes well and that none of you are in cross country skiing accidents. But if you are in a cross country skiing accident, I hope you don't break your ankle. But if you do break your ankle, I hope a nearby bear doesn't smell the blood and come and try and maul you. But if a bear does try and maul you, I hope you remember to play dead and don't start singing Barbra Striessand songs. But if you do start singing Barbra Striessand songs I hope the bear kills you quickly.