Blogger Therapy: Trey the Fraud
People don't always believe me when I say I sometimes have real problems with my self-confidence. I attribute this naivete to me being a real "bull" artist. (People also don't believe I'm an introvert, just get over it people, I'm just a good faker.) I handle this different ways. Sometimes I eat. Often I bury myself in work. Sometimes I sleep more than I should. Sometimes I play ps2 for a couple of hours and not answer my cell. (I also pray so often that I forget to mention it in these little lists.)
Sometimes to rally myself I think about how Babe Ruth led the league in Homerun, as we all know. But he also led the league in strikeouts. What if he had focused only on the latter? But that doesn't usually work because I don't really like baseball.
The only thing I will add is to remind you of this: Whenever I feel low on self-confidence I just think of my "self-confidence-totem-celebrity" Tom Cruise. Tom doesn't double (or triple or quadruple) think his decisions. He makes up his mind and he goes for it. Would Maverick waver in his attempt to save Goose? Would risky boy wonder if it's a good idea to slide around in his underwear? Whenever I feel I need a boost I think. "What would Tom do?" Then I make a decision and jump up and down on a couch.
Eventually I come out of it and realize I'm not a fraud. I'm the real deal baby! I could marry Katie Holmes if I wanted too! (If I wasn't afraid of commitment that is, but that is a different blog entirely.)
Please, do not bother posting how good I am at my job. I am not looking for affirmation, in fact it tends to bother me (I am really only motivated by myself anyway). Instead post what you do or think when you feel a bout of low self-esteem. (Also post who your "self-confidence-totem-celebrity" is. It doesn't have to be a great person in all regards, just high in self-confidence. Like Tom is very confident but also a nutbar sometimes.)
posted by Trey Laminack @ 9:36 AM
6 comments
6 Comments:
I hear what you're saying. I also have those times of total "loserville". I know that I should be more gutsy and pursue some of my big dreams, but that little voice of insecurity starts up and I start doubting my ability and talents.
My "self-confidence-totem celebrity" is Meg Ryan, especially in French Kiss. She always looks good, even with messy hair and slouchy clothes. She'e funny. She overcomes her fears. She is strong and ditches the loser guy and finds her dream guy in the process. So, when I'm down, I have the Meg Movie Marathon.
When I'm feeling down, I post on other people's blogs. Then I admire how witty I am. Ha Ha, I crack myself up.
Do you want to hear from someone almost twice your age? Here's what happens as you get older. During the course of your adulthood, you mentally make three lists itemizing skills or experiences or features about you that: 1)are the exceptional - a very, very small list; you know, God's gifts to you 2)are good "ordinary" things and 3)things you don't have and will never have. The lists solidify as you get older (yet, you can work on things and change it) and the third list bothers you less and less as time goes on. The first list becomes more meaningful to you because it connects you to God's gift which was specifically meant for you. My suggestion to you is to watch what happens to you in your life when you employ your 'exceptional' gifts - because God gives it to you for a reason and when you finally figure it out, it will blow you away.
My self-confidence totem is Paris Hilton....who else could become famous for nothing but being famous? How does that work??
I'm really just kidding...I do not look up to Paris Hilton at all. I'm sure I've got one, I don't know who it is yet though. Interesting thought, Trey.
God loves me. He always loves me. He doesn't care if I am talented, competent, or even pleasant to be around at the moment. And if I ask Him to let me really FEEL that, He does. Somehow, someway, He does. It works for me; maybe it will for you also.
Honest. You are honest.
When I feel low I talk to God in my mind's voice all the time, more intense than usual. I usually get up early. Well, when I am low I get up earlier. Many a 4 AM sit & stare session, quiet as a can be but in my head it's a loud talk with God.
I do this for a day or two then always come out of it feeling better. The Psalms are a great place for me too. It's where God talks back very clearly.
Post a Comment
<< Home