Untruths

Ok judgeing by hits and comments you liked lying and didn't like anagrams.
So I'll give the people what they want, more untruths.

Below is "The Decay of the Art of Lying" by Mark Twain. This was submitted for at a meeting of the Historical and Antiquarian Club of Hartford And offered for the $30 prize[*]

First, just some fav quotes if you don't want to read the whole thing.
"Everyone lies...Even in sermons--but that is a platitude." (yesterdays post got me thinking on this subject. tl.)

"An awkward, unscientific lie is often as ineffectual as the truth."

"Note that venerable proverb: Children and fools always speak the truth. The deduction is plain--adults and wise persons never speak it."

"An injurious lie is an uncommendable thing; and so, also, and in the same degree, is an injurious truth--a fact that is recognized by the lawof libel." (Bear in mind lies in blogs are libel only if they are defemation. Like saying, "You know how to tell Danny is lying... his lips are moving." That's libel, unless it is spoken in which case they become slander. tl.)

Second, the whole link on Project Guttenburg.
A short audio version - Only 1st two paragraphs.
The entire text - It's only 22oo words. Maybe 5 pages of text.

[*] Twain not take the prize.

Given Twain advice on lying. What advise do you have? And don't bother with "Just don't." You clearly didn't read Twain.

"Preacher-stories"

A "Preacher-story" is a synonym for lying. Usually with good intentions. Like retelling a story in first person that happened to someone else because it's more dramatic if it happened to you. Or embellishing something. Or telling something that is fabricated as if it really happened.

I've fallen into this trap only I tell "father-stories" sometimes "grandfather-stories." Now some of these I've told so much I can't remember the truth. Basically I invent, steal and retell all sorts of things as if they happened to my father. Usually this takes the form of words of wisdom. I think them up then attribute them to dad. who has his own repertoire of words of wisdom.

Things sound more credible when you start with, "Well, as my father used to say..." or "Well my granddad used to say..."

For example, in a recent staff meeting we were talking about the budget and I said, "Well, as my father used to say about the budget, "Some men see the glass as half full, others half empty, I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be." It got a good laugh, which was nice because my dad didn't come up with that, I did. Is there gray area for dramatic effect when it comes to lying?

There seems to be a comedic blind spot for untruth, "sure you can bend the truth if it get a laugh." Many jokes contain, "Ok, so I was on this train one time and up the aisle comes..." And I guess "preacher-stories" imply that it's ok if you get a spiritual reaction.

I've known some preachers who really avoid this. Like Ken Nellar in Searcy once ended a fabricated story he had told as truth with something to the effect of, "Well, we all know that didn't really happen, but the point is..." I dunno what I'm getting at here. I guess the question is, should I feel guilty?

Anagrams

An anagram is rearnging the letters of a name or phrase into a new configuration for example, Elvis = Lives. Ancients believed at one time this was an art form, at others a type of magic. Some leaders had royal anagrammers who would find out which applicants names anagrammed the most favorably. People then started naming their kids using anagrams of powerful words. Today it is only a word game.

Trey Laminack becomes "Tame crankily"

Associate Children's Minister = "Idiotical merriness chastens."

Las Vegas, Nevada = "Slave and savage"

Here's a link - Unfortunately it only gives you one solution when there are thousands.

There are thousands of examples on the net of good anagrams for celebs and famous people. What does you name become?

My all time fav anagram is this 14 line poem wherein every line is an anagram of the title. I think this falls under art because the same letters are always used and the lines rhyme!

"Washington Crossing the Delaware"

A hard, howling, tossing water scene:
Strong tide was washing hero clean.
"How cold!" Weather stings as in anger.
O Silent night shows war ace danger!

The cold waters swashing on in rage.
Redcoats warn slow his hint engage.
When star general's action wish'd "Go!"
He saw his ragged continentals row.

Ah, he stands - sailor crew went going,
And so this general watches rowing.
He hastens - winter again grows cold;
A wet crew gain Hessian stronghold.

George can't lose war with's hands in;
He's astern - so, go alight, crew, and win!

I think that's pretty cool. Try making an anagram without using the internet. It's tough. I'm reading the Da Vinci Code and it has a lot of anagram stuff in it.

If I was a doctor

I think I'd be more like Scrubs than Patch Adams.
But I would try to find inventive ways to to break bad news to people.

Doc - "I'm sorry but we're going to have to amputate your foot."
Sicky -
"What? I came in for an ear infection!"
Doc - "Oh sorry that's next door.
You're going to have to swallow this hoarse pill."
Sicky - "Wheew, that's
good news."

Or howsabout...

Dude - "Pardon me doc, I've got a pain in my side when I lift my arm like this."
Doc - "Hmm... how about when you get shot."
Dude - "I've never been...
(BANG!)
Doc - "Ok, how's you arm?"

What about when someone gives birth:

Doc - "Did you want a boy or a girl?"
Dad - "I really only want a boy, girls
stink!"
Doc - "Well... it's a boy, but it is also a goat."
Dad - "What?"
Doc - "A healthy boy goat, it happens sometimes!"
Dad - "Really?!"
Doc - "No not really, it's a girl, get over it."

Okay, another silly idea

Woman - "I've been haveing trouble sleeping."
Doc - "Have you tried exercise, warm-milk, OTC sleeping pills, reading?"
Woman - "Yes."
Doc - "Do you attend church regularly?"
Woman - "No."
Doc - "Well, there you go."

Or if you have to tell a relative someone has died.

Doc - "Pardon me, are you Joe Walton's family?"
Fam - "Yes, how is papa?"
Doc - "It turns out your father was really a leprechaun... bad news he's gone... good news pot of gold."
(The downside for the doctor is finding a bunch of gold really quick. Or tell them a Satyr from obsetrics stole it)

In conclusion my bedside manner consists of the bait and switch.

Will everything be eBay in the future?

Ok so I've gone through cycles of high eBay frequency. I have to control myself or it becomes more about the competition than the item I want. Usually if you wait a week another of the same thing will pop back up.

I usually dislike ebay because it's like the worlds big garage sale. Also you don't always know what you are getting from the digital photos. Here is a link to a similar item I bought (although for half this listed price.) Batman Vintage Watch Ok the problem is when I wore it the 4th Graders asked me why I was wearing a girls watch. The Picture makes it look big but it's pretty narrow.

What I do like about eBay is the odd stuff for sale like:
George W. Toilet Paper - Warning JibJab cartoon plays with some offensive words.
The Mystery Box - Sounds like a scam
Human Skull - Can I borrow a thousand bucks for this one?
2005 Ford GT - Mmmm fast and black...
One Armadillo, Stuffed - Install in drive way for speed bump
Scarab owned by Jacob and possible Abraham from the Bible!

Ok so there you have it. I'll also be selling a slightly used Batman Watch pretty soon.

Since the Haircut

Friday and Saturday I baby sat for Stacey. She had her sale. She "paid" me in chicken. Although I prolly spent $40 bucks in gas driving the kids to Fort Worth to see their grandparents.

Sunday - I was all over the place. I went to every adult Bible Class and recruited for the Nursery. I told them that if we didn't get volunteers it would take $10,000 to pay for people to do it. What else could be done with that money? What missionary... or VBS set could be built? They rose to the occasion.

Sunday night I gave had to be behind the pulpit giving away VBS DVD's for visitors. The members take them and deliver them to the families. Later that light I slept 11 hours. I fell asleep so soon I didn't even set my alarm.

Monday - Cowboys up 13-0 with 5 minutes to go. Then everything happens wrong. I was livid and confused. I'm currently in a bad mood concerning the boys. Although, they played well. We just caved. I'm still hopeful for playoffs this season. (Hey, let's just not have an OU 2005 divebombingly bad year.)

Ok... now a real picturee of my hair cut.

Yes, I got a hair cut.

I'm going to wear a sign that says "Yes, I got a haircut."

People keep saying things like:
"Did you loose weight?"
"You look different."
"Are you feeling ok?"
"You look younger."
"Did you head shrink?"

I went to Sports Cuts. They showed NFL channel and best of all... THEY SPOKE ENGLISH!
I hate getting my hair cut by someone who doesn't. They ask in broken English what you want then nod along, like I do at Hispanic Church when Joe Hernandez is translating for me. I just nod along and wait for my name.

Finally Uploaded that picture...

Hurricane Names

There is a six year rotation of Hurricane names. They proceed alphabetically excluding q, x, y & z. A particularly violent or destructive hurricane will often have it's name retired. (Much like a sports jersey.)


Here is a list of all the 6 year name rotation for Atlantic hurricanes.
(Names are both male and female as of 1979.)

So give that Katrina will likely be retired I'd like to nominate some new K-names for the list.

King - "King"
Kareem - "Very Generous"
Kayla - "pure and beloved"
Kermit - "free man"

I wanted Kirk ("owned by the church") but it is on the list already for 2007.

Ok gentle readers, the ball is in your court, what name should replace Katrina.

Panic: Total Disaster at 235 #105.

I came home to a note on my apartment door informing me there would be an annual inspection of the "carpets, vinyl, and appliances." Of course I panic, apartment had bypassed "Wreck of the Hesperus" and looked like the Hindenburg crashed into the Exxon Valdez. I try and calm myself. The appliances were in good condition, I never cook on the stove, and usually have no dishes to do, plus the only thing I keep in the fridge is really old pickles and diet coke with lime.

The carpet and vinyl though... yikes. I had forgotten there even was carpet beneath the trash and laundry. I took 4 large bags of trash out to the dumpster, it was amazing. I also had to part company with my father's chair I called "Frankenstein." It wasn't holding up and the leather was ripping away from the frame all over. But I hated to part with it, it looked vintage and cool.

I can now walk through my apartment without looking like Indiana Jones when he had to spell out Jesus in Greek and had to hop from spot to spot. The question, how long can I keep it this way. I'm betting next weeks Monday night football double header could end my clean streak.

Things I found while cleaning, that were pressumed gone forever:

• About 7-8 bucks in change.
• Universal remote I've already replaced.
• Bicycle pump
• Multi-tool
• Unoppened 12 pack of AAA batteries.
• Cleaning supplies.
• Lots of random socks.
• Vanilla Yankee Candle
• Dog toys (dog moved out 6 months ago.)
• Spatula
• The source of "that strange sweet smell"
• Check for $40 from Ryan Inlow
• Unoppened Mail - I left it unoppened and chucked it.
• Magnetic name tage from Church.
• Tony Hawk's Pro Skater Underground 2, with memory card in box.
• Other stuff but I forget.

Strangest of all I find I care what my landlord thinks of me.

(Yesterday's post has had the spelling corrected.)

How do we know it's Monday?

How do we really know it's Monday?

I'll give it to you that our traditional 7 day week is based on the creation account from the Bible involving 6 days of work and one of rest. (And the Sabbath is Saturday, not Sunday people.) But from that time to this how do we know we haven't gotten off a day.

I just think the time scale is too long for people to have not messed up. I mean the yearly calendar we know to be off by at least 4 years. Surely, we dropped day here or there.

I'm sure everyone has had a conversation like this.

Doug: Is it Tuesday or Wednesday?
Arnold: Uhm... it's Monday, Doug.

But what if a bunch of people had the same problem simultaneously and nobody knew the answer?

Doug: Is it Tuesday or Wednesday?
Arnold: Uhm... it's Tuesday Doug.
(But it's really Monday.)

This feeling happens a lot near a bank holiday. You have Monday off so Tuesday feels like Monday. Wednesday feels like Friday. Then the following Sunday feels like Saturday so you have to call in sick Monday and the cycle repeats.

Doug: Is it Labor day or Memorial day?
Arnold: Arbor Day and Boxing Day, baby, four day weekend!

Probably in this digital age these problems won't happen. I'm more worried that we are living based on the mistakes of the past. What about those long periods of history where things were spotty at best, like the Dark Ages?

Doug: What day is it?
Arnold: How should I know I can't see my watch.

Or worse, what if a king made a mistake, and it was like the Emperor's New Clothes, nobody could correct him. It would be Wednesday, but the king thinks Thursday so... so be it!

Doug: Hail King Arnold!
Arnold: Hail yourself, where is my Royal Thursday
Midafternoon Soup? If it is late I'll have to behead someone on Friday!
Doug: Riiight... I'll go ask Jeff about that immediately. For sooth!

And of course there was a lot of BC before we got to the messed up monk's AD years. All that BC stuff could have gone very badly. What if two tribes met up who hadn't seen each other for years?

Doug: Greetings western-dirt-gathering-nomad tribe, is this not a fine
Saturday.

Arnold: Greeting eastern-rock-hunting-nomad tribe, this is not a
fine Saturday, yesterday was. This is Sunday, put on some slacks it's time
for church.

You see?! We have no idea what today is. If today could really be Saturday, I better take the day off just in case.

Does anybody really know what time it is?
Does anybody really care?
- Chicago

Doug: I think ending with a quote from Chicago was a good move.
Arnold: You would, do you still want to get together Wednesday?
Doug: Tomorrow?
Arnold: No, the day after.
Doug: Sure, I guess, but it sounds like somebody's got a "case of the Mondays."
Arnold: At least I know what day it is.
Doug: Do you Arnold? Do you?
Arnold: You just want the last word on the blog don't you.
Doug: Is everything a competition for you?
Arnold: Fine have the last word, I'm waiting.
Doug: (shakes his head)
Arnold: Fine, and forget about getting together Wednesday!
Doug: No skin off my nose, I was busy tomorrow anyway!

September 11th

Ok, so today is September 11th. Given that I have been blogging politically recently today is a good day to follow up.

I pray that we don't see this type of attack again. In my opinion the only way to escape this fate is to be proactive. People don't want us to be the "Global Police" and I don't want us to be the "Justice League" but if we don't stand up who will.

I want to support our global fight against terrorism until the job is finished.

Spider-man and President Bush

Mrs. Hey Man replied that those with power of a responsibility to help. (I am not allowed to reveal her true name under penalty of eye rolling.)

Spiderman often says the same thing, "With great power comes great responsibility." He learned this lesson when he refused to interfere and a villain he could have stopped later killed his Uncle Ben.

At first the robber didn't seem to have anything to do with Peter Parker's life... then wham! It hits home. Looking out only for onself can have lasting consequences. Even in comic books where people always come back from the dead as often as in soap operas, there is a saying, "Nobody stays dead but Uncle Ben." (Sometimes people say, "Nobody stays dead but Bucky and Uncle Ben." Bucky being Captain America's sidekick in the 40's. But it appears he may be back as the Winter Soldier. A hitman who staying in cryogenic stasis between missions.)

Likewise, Bush sees that if we don't intervene across the globe it will hit home. You can learn everything you need from comic books.

I'll end with some cartoons I found of questionable content.

Warning: Political Rant

***Warn Political Rant: Do not read if you don't want to hear this junk ***

My mom posted on her blog that she thinks the troops should come home and help with the rebuilding effort on the gulf coast. Although I respect her opinion and see her motivations, I disagree. I think we have enough resources to handle multiple problems at once.

Also, the majority of our troops are not skilled craftsmen. They could only haul away debris. The corps of engineers is already involved on the gulf coast, as well as reservist and national guard troops.

It's kind of like Empire Strikes Back. When the second Death Star is destroyed midway through completion. Do you think Storm Troopers were building it? No way, it had to be done be skilled contractors and laborers. Most of whom did not really have affiliation with the Empire vs. Rebels conflict. But what happened to them, they got blew up right in the middle of rewiring the tractor beam.

If our troops were to suddenly leave, I admit it would be better for American Citizens in the short term. They would be home and "out of harms way" (if such a place still exists in the age of terrorism). But the region would likely fall into chaos and come out the other side controlled by some new Terrorist or Dictator. Then the long term problems would be greatly increased. I want Iraq to be self-sufficient and controlled by the people (even if they choose a Muslim theocracy, which theoretically should have the needs of its citizens in mind).

If we remove a powerful dictator like Saddam and leave we have only created a Power-vacuum that will soon be filled by someone worse. But during the struggle to take that spot thousands of human-beings will die in Iraq. But I guess that doesn't matter because they aren't American or Christian?

America can tackle both problems and thousands of others simultaneously. But if we our traditional American knee-jerk reaction and face inwards bad things can happen. The Holocaust was allowed to continue because it didn't affect Americans (until Pearl Harbor). We put blinders on the Muslim world... Russians invade Afghanistan... we give Afgan's guns and look the other way... Osama uses them to consolidate power... 9/11 happens. I think America's biggest historical failings have come from looking only inward.

As a Christian I think we should look outside of ourselves. But yes, let's remove the speck from our eye before we remove the log from someone else's.

***Political rant over, I try to keep meaty stuff like this out of my blog because this isn't why you read a person's blog. And I'm just one more idiotic opinion. ***

Better Use of Language - Vol. 2 - Prefixes and Suffixes

Perhaps only myself and Holly Root will find this annoying but there has been a recent proliferation of prefixes and suffixes, particularly in the newsmedia. Wayne sent me a newspaper article to this effect.

The biggest offender is the suffice -wise. Here is the quote that got me thinking about this issue. "Preplanning will be finalized soon, budget-wise and and policy-wise." Yikes, that is not good. I'll skip over the "pre" in "preplanning for now" (Although what does it add? And how can you do something before you plan, it seems anything you do is part of the planning process. I could understand post-planning, for when things go off the plan. All planning is in advance so is this planning to plan? I guess I won't be skipping it.)

Ok so -wise. It's everywhere, it's annoying, I think writers are stuck in a rut or think it sounds good.

I'm reminded of an old Jack Lemmon Movie, The Apartment. Here is a quote from that movie provided by Google. "That's way it crumbles... cookie-wise." Also, "As far as I'm concerned your the tops, I mean, decency-wise." Clearly the movie is a satire on the trend to use verbize nouns. (Even the suffix -ize is overused.) Isn't it strange that has come around again?

I like crystalize and theorize - but fictionalize is tripe.

I also dislike pre-warn and fore-warn. Without a suffix warn means doing something before... so both pre and fore are redundant. But if you must forewarn don't prewarn. Most of these sins are accidental.

Sometimes we purposefully use language to hide something like, pre-owned cars. Is a used car evil or something. It is the same car. Now they add on "certified pre-owned." I'm reminded of the resale shop, "It's new to you."

Well I hope Wayne isn't upset I quoted from his article, plagarism-wise.

I was the last to know...

The Sunday before last I started working on the video. Every day when I finished my normal office stuff and class prep I went to work on the video. I worked until 8 or 10pm, then went home read a chapter or two and went to bed. Wednesday was the presentation. Thursday I caught up on stuff I'd put off during the video editing. Then I went home and had Friday off. I finally watched TV and I was stunned! I had heard on the radio about the hurricane but I hadn't seen anything about it.

I think I was the last to know how bad it was. Now at church I've become part of the benevolence campaign. I painted a 9 foot by 26 foot banner, with a lot of help from parents, children and teens. I'm also going to have the kids do something to help this Wednesday. I really wish I'd've watched TV last week then the kids could have done this a week ago. It seems that my response to the disaster was similar to the federal one, slow.

Video Presentation Last Night

It was multimedia baby! Each youth/children's ministry did a multi media summer review.

It turns out I learned quite a bit about video editing sitting in Wade's basement. I just need to keep more snacks on hand. Wayne McR had the "little idea" his "little idea" ment like 40 hours of video editting.

I have to admit I might have gone 'transition happy'.

I'm considering uploading it to my website, how long would it take to download 15 minutes of video to the web?