Darth Broooks

My Halloween costume:

Western Wear (boots, tiny hat, jeans, pearl snap shirt)
+
Darth Vadar Mask
=
Darth Brooks

Keys Keys Keys

All day at work I try and unlock doors with my apartment key.
Then I get home and try and unlock my apartment with my church keys.
This is just another sign that I've done something to anger God.
Also I'm often off pitch.

Soccer Pt 2

Reproduced in all it's glory from the Children's Ministry Newsletter:

Top Eleven Reasons Football is better than Soccer.

11) One touchdown 6 points; one goal 1 point. Football is 6 times better.
10) Big Games: Superbowl (Millions of viewers) vs. World Cup (Millions of viewers, none of whom speak English)
9) A blowout isn't 1-0.
8) You can use your hands. (I mean God invented hands, they are cool, use them.)
7) I can actually understand the off-sides rule in Football.
6) Greater risk of injury.
5) The ball is called a "pigskin" not a... uh... "soccer ball."
4) "Football was created to keep European women busy while their husbands did the cooking." - Hank Hill
3) Things actually happen.
2) Best Teams: Dallas Cowboys vs. Manchester United
1) The French play soccer.

(And don't even start with that whole "soccer is football elsewhere" business.)

Graham should take this as a compliment that I dislike soccer but enjoyed your game. It's not that soccer is such a bad game (because cricket is worse) its that Football is such a great game. It's like tryiHerman'sompare Hermans Hermits to the Beatles. "I'm into something good" was good (even though it was a cover of an older song sung by a woman) but is not Beatles White Album worthy.

I'm happy to entertain rebuttals happy but I am also happpy to entertain psychopaths and mentally deranged postal workers. I worked in a Psychological Rehab Wing of a Hospital ("Mental Ward" or "Loony Bin") for a year. I have no problems carrying on a conversation with someone who doesn't have complete grasp of reality such as schizophrenics, halucanaginics and American soccer fans.

Soccer

(In an attempt to push my overly open post about weddings, marriage and crushes further down the page I will recount this adventure breifly.)

I am not a soccer fan. In fact I published a list in the church newsletter "Top 11 Reasons Football is better than Soccer"

Despite this I had a good time watching Graham (a middle schooler and friend from Saturn Road) play 'keeper.' (I'd have prolly called him a goalee.) He is very good. He plays on a team that is entirely Hispanic and the parents were a riot. They would yell (in Spanish) and cheer (in Spanish) and whistle (in Spanish). They were very into the game it sucked you in. His parents brought their rodent to the field, it got wrapped in a blanket. Somehow the weather drops to 50 degrees for the first time, whenever I decide to be outside at 9pm.

Graham played a great game, I was really impressed by his natural reflexes and fearlessness. If a ball is kicked at me very hard I crumple into a ball and start to cry. Unfortunatly Graham's team, the cyclones, lost a tight game 0-1. The trouble with being a keeper is the pressure. If your team wins, others remember those who scored goals and not you. But if you lose, everyone remembers the one that got away.

I was happy to be invited and proud that Graham blocked so many goals, he also directs his defenders like some kind of general. After one block his sister was heard to say "He's a genius." Praise like that from an older sister is rare and worth twice as much as anything I could add. Good game, Graham.

Best Wedding Reception Ever

Ok I went to Josh and Suzie's Wedding this weekend (congrats) it was very nice.

But the reception that followed was the first (and potentially the last) enjoyable Wedding Reception ever. Upon arrival they gave you a $10,000 in funny money with the Bride and Groom's picture on it. You could change this in for chips and play at like 6 different Casino games. It was a lot of fun. (Men finally had something to do during a wedding reception.) People who didn't want to play could still chat and do whatever.

Also a lot of friends I hadn't seen in a while were there. There were two sets: the married and the happy. The married friends' wives made them all sit together. They were heavier than I remember with kids in tow. The Happy had a great time, we could sit where ever we wanted to.

I saw Ryan Morgan, he's got a cool job at Funimation now! Awesome. And Presto's doing good. I also saw my friends who live in Dallas (although I see them more in Fort Worth, I guess they are avoiding me). Liz is doing good, teaching now. Am I the only person with a crush on Nichole? If so, why? I saw her again for the first time, it took me a while to shake that High School perception of a little naive girl. It turns out while I wasn't looking she became an attractive interesting woman. I only hope people don't see me as I was in High School.

Also there was a marble slab creamery set up in the reception, awesome. When all the tables were full of gamblers my BFF Kody and I bet on what kind of topping the next person would choose. I had a system Strawberries for single girls and Heath Bar for old people, Oreo for all men. It was working pretty well until like 12 of Kody's family went through the line. I ended up like 600 down on a game I invented.

The only sad point was when on my way out I finally saw the table covered with cheese cubes! If I'd have but known sooner.

The best moment was when I didn't catch the Garter belt for the first time in like 3 weddings. I never want the blasted thing it just finds me. I'm like a garter magnet. Of course this minor triumph was sullied by Danny Sims, my former preacher, passing me a note that ominously read "You're next." Let's just hope he's a serial killer and is planning on murdering me.

Guest Blogger: Hey Man.

I don't mean this as a dig but Hey Man is better qualified to talk about age than I am. Here is his recent response to one of my blog posts that is too good not to be on the front page.

Guest Blogger: Hey Man

Now that I'm "older" (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

5. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

6. All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

7. If all is not lost, where is it?

8. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

9. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

10. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

11. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...

12. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

13. It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been anywhere.

14. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the
bathroom.

15. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

16. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play
chess?

17. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

18. It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

19. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

20. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go
somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.

21. Funny, I don't remember being . . . . . absent minded...

Funny Stuff 'Hey man'! Okay, back to Trey. I dodn't have a problem being old. In fact I look forward to being a crazy old man. It's just getting old that bothers me. It seems you loose the will to have fun. But clearly in people like Hey Man this hasn't happened. And I keep meeting young women who've given up on fun. I guess it's all a state of mind. At a recent wedding I saw some of my high school friends with wives and kids and that resigned look of hopelessness that a wedding might make for a "Pretty nice little Saturday."

True Youth

To continue my impromptu series on oldness, I'll share some recent events that made even me feel old.

First, I played Brazos in chess and lost. Brazos is 11 and in many ways is much like me at that age. He's very intelligent and willing to let you know it. He's also funny and talks over the heads of many adults. Anyway, we played chess and I lost. I don't like to make excuses but I will anyway. I got way ahead during the early going. I was up like 9 points and controlled the center. Then his mom came into the room and I started talking to her. Then next thing I knew, check-mate. I was stunned and impressed. It goes to show you position and a material advantage don't win the game. He had three pieces and two pawns left but they were all it took. My true mistake was underestimating Brazos. He handled his victory well, once he explained it to his mother. I remember myself at that age and realized I've grown up. I felt old and honestly I demand a rematch.

Secondly, I saw Mary Cate (my youngest niece at church), I picked her up and tickled her. She showed me a green bouncy ball she had, "A ball!" She was excited to have it. I said, "That is a cool ball." She then smiled, then got serious. She wrapped her little hand around the ball in an attempt to hide it (for perspective it would be like an adult trying to hide a tennis ball in one hand). She help out the hand clutching the ball and a closed fist and said, "Which hand?" A game I've played with her before, but now she was in charge. I chose the wrong hand and she said "Noooo!" and laughed her head off. That is youth.

Thirdly, my real estate agent called me again. Having an agent makes me feel old. Although I feel young again when I realize she's frustrated because I haven't done any of my paperwork. Let her fill out the application, she's working for me right?

Another Online Purchase:

















The Marshmallow Shooter

It can rapid fire up to 30 mini-marshmallows! Lots of fun with the added bonus of being edible and sticky.

"You smell like old people" & Internet Junk

Judging by posts and emails you people all either think you are young or that my list isn't a true barometer of oldness. Well, all of that is a lot like writing a letter to NBC to keep Pat Sajack on the air: It reeks of oldness.

But on a different matter... I buy a lot of junk off the internet.

Here is one of my latest acquisition:















THE MIGHTY BLASTER! (Mine is blue)

That's right! It shoots smoke rings! It is without a doubt the coolest thing I own other than my PSP. All this and it only cost $30!

Ok... PAUSE YOUR THOUGHTS! What are you thinking right now about this purchase? Write it down before you start lying to yourself about what you think you think.

Ok, I brought this to staff meeting and got a bevy of responses. Most were eye rolls from the old people saying, "Why did you buy that?" (This is the comment that prompted my old people rant.)

"WHY?" Why? What a dumb question. It shoots smoke-rings homes! It's Gandalf on steroids! If you have to ask "Why?" you'd buy something this fun then you are old. The answer to Why is "Because it's cool and I had 30 bucks!" What more reason is there?

Also if you took offense to the cost of the Mighty Blaster, you are old.

Kids who see this thing never respond with "Why?" they only want a turn shooting it! Or to know where I go it so they could get their own (good luck saving the money kids). I'm happy that I haven't forgotten how to have fun.

Perhaps having "Faith like a child" may also be linked to "Having fun like a child." You could very easily suck the fun out of a mighty blaster if you think about "Why" or "What I could have done with that money" or "Will it set of the fire alarm." Relax old people! Have a little fun... even if that means going to the fabric store.

(By the way I shot it right at a sprinkler to test it and it didn't set of the alarm.)

You know you are old if...

I don' t think there is some "age" people get old. It stricks the youthful sometimes (for example lindsey holder is the oldest young person I know). Here are a few old tests.

You know you are old if...

If you can get out of the car in the middle of Bohemian Rhapsody... you are definetly old.

If you pass up anything with me to "sleep." You're old and a loser.

If how someone dresses at church makes you lose sleep.

If you don't fantasize about Ninjas from time to time. "You know what would pep up this wedding reception... ninja attack! I could fend off their leader with this ladel."

If any of the following make for a "pretty nice little Saturday": Trip to Home Depot, Paint Store or Fabrick Store, Weeding, Shopping online for themed objects for the guest bathroom, also Garden Ridge stinks.

If you have a savings account for something besides an HDTV.

If you've forgotten how to have fun.

If you don't watch Lost because you "can't keep up"

If you read the newspaper besides want ads for nunchucks and the comics.

If you only watch Fox News because only it's "un-biased."

If you take pills and call them anything but "Mr. Fixits"

If you've been trying to form a wity reply in defense of your imagined youth since you took offense to the "Bohemian Rhapsody" item, then you are old.

Today

Today I met henny for lunch and to steal some styerfoam bricks. We ate at Rosas's w/ Brian. Good times. There was a couple of nice mullets at a nearby table. And an old lady who smelled like an old lady nearby. She continues to improve the interiors of Altamesa but the exterior is still Taco Bell on the Hill.

I'll post more on Vegas manana.

Vegas Photos Part 1

Ok so here are the photos I don't mind being spread accross the internet (wink wink). I don't know why I winked there I didn't really do anything crazy.

Ok... so here is a picture of Jonathan and myself in front of the Mirage Waterfall. People were always blocking traffic to take pictures here. I found it very annoying. Then when I wanted to take one everybody kept walking into the shot. People can be so inconsiderate.

Ok here a few scenes from "The Strip" the new section of vegas. First the Mirage Volcano, this thing gets hot.

And also on the strip a picture of Zeus's fountain from Ceasar's Palace. (I felt too shy to take a picture of Michelangelo's David.)

Now lets head down to old Vintage Vegas, Freemont Street downtown. The entire street is all pedestrian, it's covered and air-conditioned! Plus the room is a giant light show, pretty neat. (The picture of the flaming drag race took place 100 feet above the street.)

This cowboy has been smoking on the stip since the mobsters built the place. (He would probably have lung cancer if he wasn't made of neon.)

More to come.

Vacation Pre-Post

I dropped off my film today so I'll post a few pics soon.

Concerning Vegas and Money:
After Judas hung himself the disciples decided to replace his number in the 12. There were two men nominated who had been with them from the beginning (hangers on), Matthias and Barsabas. They cast lost and Matthias got the post, Barsabas got the shaft. So casting lost is kind of a fickle way to choose but nobody seemed to complain. My point is when you go to vegas you return Matthias choosen by fate for riches or Barsabas forgotten and out of luck.

I returned as 35% Matthias and 65% Barsabas.

More to come

Vacation Policy

My Vacation Policy is as follows.

 

I'll be turning off my cell phone upon arrival. I might be able to check my email but no promises.

In case of emergency my mother has the hotel phone number, but I may be staying under an assumed name.

 

An emergency is one of the following:

1) Death of someone - Call only if the funeral is scheduled before I return Friday evening.

2) Serious illness - Call only if the funeral is scheduled before I return Friday or if one of my kidneys will save their lives before then.

3) Church emergency - Such as me being promoted to preacher - (Only Saturn Road emergencies please)

 

The following are not emergencies:

1) Death of a pet (no soul)

2) Death of a salesman

3) My apartment burns down (good ridance)

4) Voting for Survivor Pick'em or Fantasy Football

5) War

 

If this post actually posts then it means I've learned to post my blog via email and might post an update.

 

XOXO,

Trey