Bad Marital "Advice"

OK, since I announced my engagement I have gotten a lot of "advice." And yes, "advice" should be in quotes because I'm using the word ironically. And yes, ironically should be in italics because I'm adding emPHAsis! And yes, PHA should be in all caps because I'm beating a dead horse.

Anywho! I've gotten a lot of bad marital advice. I'm worried that in the slush pile there might be some good advice I'm throwing out with the bad. Here are a collection of things I've been told about marriage by friends, coworkers, elders at my church, my family and others. I've leaving them anonymous because I plan on ripping them to shreds in a bit.

And I warn you, these are actual quotes from actual people who actually said them to me, most in the church building, actually! Most "advice" takes the form of dark prophecies of doom.

"Advice" Given to me by Women!
You're life is going to change sooo much.
You're marrying up.
You're life is no longer your own.
I can't wait to she how she betters you!
Now, don't use that tone with Sara.
Many men don't get a say in the decorations of their house... other than to pay.
Sure, you say that now Trey but you'll understand when your married!
Well, she'll straighten you out quick.

Let me distill the advice from women:
"You're life was pretty sad before. She's great and is doing an act of charity by taking you on as a project."

"Advice" from Men:
You're life is over!
Dead man walkin!
Get ready for the ole ball and chain.
You only got 1 week of freedom left!
Do what ever she says and don't ask questions.
Women good. Men bad.
You're marrying up.
Once your married the fun is over... its a bait-and-switch deal.
If you're going to have fun you'll have to hid it.
How long til the big day... you know weddings and funerals are a lot alike...

Summary of Men's Advice:
"Run! Change your name! I don't like married life."

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All in all I'm more offended by the women. I see that most of the men's comments are just ribbing and hyperbole. But you women really think you've saying something helpful when dozens of you say, "She's going to improve you" basically implying I've been crud before now.

I'm sure people meant well. Many thought they were being funny. But these jokes might reveal people's true feeling about marriage but I sure hope not! Questions arise:

• Did you men choose bad mates or did they change or have you no spine?
• Did you women choose poorly or change dramatically or do you really want men with no spine?
• Are men truly perpetually immature and unable to make even the simplest decisions for themselves or are women truly domineering, controlling and soul-crushing?
• Do you men have no fun?
• Did you women change into enemies of fun?
• Does every woman out there but Sara think I'm a worthless lump?

The Final Responses:

First, I'm sorry if your marriage experience is unfulfilling recently. Men, I like spending time with Sara who is lots of fun. Women, see point number 2.

Secondly, I think my life was pretty good before. She and I were both good at being single. I think I'm worthy of her and she of me. I'll agree that I'm marrying up but I am not a worthless lump!

Thirdly, I know change is coming. But Sara is not out to change me into something I'm not, I trust her completely in this regard! I welcome the changes in my life marriage will bring, and yes... I'm sure I don't fully understand it all yet.

Above all: Thank you for you words of advice (be they poorly worded, hyperbole, meant as a joke, or cliche) and DON'T SQUELCH OUT LOVE!!!!!!

P.s. I've actually gotten some good advice that I didn't include on this list. If you have any more that doesn't sound like that listed above please feel free to comment.

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Thoughts on Change

Tolstoy said "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."
Gandhi said "Be the change you want to see in this world."
Heraclitus said "Nothing endures but change."

I particularly like the ancient Greek's thought on this. Particularly when you think about how much more durable change is than folding money. Paper money doesn't hold up well in the wash, even though its not actually paper but cloth.

Thoughts on Change:

The Quarter is the king of change. Universally useful and about the only change people are ever really happy to receive. Used to be, one would get you a phone call and two would get you a coke but these things are... changing. With the advent of the 50 states quarters all I can say is "Long live the KING!"

The Penny is probably the most noble and under appreciated of all coinage. I've known people who throw them away. I have to admit I've done it before, I swept the house, got dust bunnies from under the couch along with a few crunch berries and a penny or two. Looking down into the horrible mess in the dust pan I consider fishing out the 2 cents, but... alas... I sent Honest Abe to the trash can. Still there is something noble and cool about pennies. After all everyone likes a shiny one, and we all are on the lookout for a lucky one.

The Nickle is the most masculine of all loose change. Robust and stout. It also doesn't mess around with that girly decorative ridges around the edge. It is smooth like that. Also Buffalo Nickles are really cool and macho as well.

The Dime is the feminine yin to the nickles masculine yang. I'm tempted to call the dime "fruity." The dime has an identity crisis, worth more than a nickle its smaller, slimmer more easily lost in the couch. For Pete's sake its smaller than the penny. Also it doesn't have it's own color scheme like the Penny doesn't, weak. The Dime probably gets picked on by other coins in your pocket.

The Susan B Anthony Dollars is a joke. Its way to close in size to the quarter. Strangely when you mistake it for a quarter you should be pleased to discover its worth 4 times as much, but usually I'm annoyed that this feminist little coin is such an odd duck it isn't even round. I say lets melt down these coins and end women's sufferage (but that's a rant for another time).

The Sacagawea dollar is doomed to not take off for another ten years, America isn't ready for large increment coinage like Europe, we also still don't like soccer. But this large gold coin is a great improvement over the Suzy. The only hurdle left is to get people to stop pronouncing it "Sock-uh-JEW-ee-uh" and start saying it correctly "Sah-COG-uh-way-uh." Every time I hear that over stresses "JEW" in her name 1/32nd of my heritage feels oppressed. Why don't you just wrap my gold dollar coin in a small pox blanket.

The Fifty Cent Piece... do they still make these?

And I'll end with another misleading quote about that other kind of change by Robert frost:

"Most of the change we think we see in life

Is due to truths being in and out of favor."

Upset Stomach

I don't know if its the hot wings from last night or if its what I've been thinking about but my stomach is upset. At times like this I wish I had a blog nobody knew about. Then I could safely vent to the world without people involved having to hear about it. I guess I'm just posting hoping for prayers, kind thoughts or words of encouragements. I can't share details this time but I feel I'm at a crossroads.

A quote by Yogi Berra seems apropos, "When you see a fork in the road, take it!"

Of course he also said, "If you don't know where you're going, you might wind up someplace else."

I've prayed and prayed the indecisive man's prayer, "God show me what to do." (Which I'm afraid translates, "God, make this decision for me.") God keeps coming back with "Trey make your own decisions." I wish it was more clear cut.

I guess I'll keep asking God. I need some tums.

Oh, and Maddox can say Sanjaya!

Homeless

As of Friday March 3rd I am homeless. My lease is up and I can not get an extension. I'm starting to sincerely panic. I'll take off today to move my stuff into a storage space but I doubt they will let me sleep there. Panic.

I've procastinated some and I also thought I'd have a few more weeks at my current place. I'll be able to crash with Stacey this weekend but that will not work over the course of the couple of weeks it will take to find a new place. Panic.

I am really excited to get out of that place, which I really don't like, and to save a little cash for a downpayment would be nice. Panic.

Can I live like a hermit crab at all my friends places in the area. A weekend here, a week there, a fortnight elsewhere.

Benjamin Franklin said, "Houseguests, like fish, spoil after three days."

To be honest this is a product of taking my new job on shorter notice than I'd like and taking the first apartment that was liveable without looking more. I should have been pickier a year a ago and this wouldn't be happening.

Ok the blog has dulled my panic. And as this is a desperate plea for aide, please post encourageing things. And if I've ever been your roommate please tell a story about how great I am to live with (in other words lie).