Bad Marital "Advice"

OK, since I announced my engagement I have gotten a lot of "advice." And yes, "advice" should be in quotes because I'm using the word ironically. And yes, ironically should be in italics because I'm adding emPHAsis! And yes, PHA should be in all caps because I'm beating a dead horse.

Anywho! I've gotten a lot of bad marital advice. I'm worried that in the slush pile there might be some good advice I'm throwing out with the bad. Here are a collection of things I've been told about marriage by friends, coworkers, elders at my church, my family and others. I've leaving them anonymous because I plan on ripping them to shreds in a bit.

And I warn you, these are actual quotes from actual people who actually said them to me, most in the church building, actually! Most "advice" takes the form of dark prophecies of doom.

"Advice" Given to me by Women!
You're life is going to change sooo much.
You're marrying up.
You're life is no longer your own.
I can't wait to she how she betters you!
Now, don't use that tone with Sara.
Many men don't get a say in the decorations of their house... other than to pay.
Sure, you say that now Trey but you'll understand when your married!
Well, she'll straighten you out quick.

Let me distill the advice from women:
"You're life was pretty sad before. She's great and is doing an act of charity by taking you on as a project."

"Advice" from Men:
You're life is over!
Dead man walkin!
Get ready for the ole ball and chain.
You only got 1 week of freedom left!
Do what ever she says and don't ask questions.
Women good. Men bad.
You're marrying up.
Once your married the fun is over... its a bait-and-switch deal.
If you're going to have fun you'll have to hid it.
How long til the big day... you know weddings and funerals are a lot alike...

Summary of Men's Advice:
"Run! Change your name! I don't like married life."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

All in all I'm more offended by the women. I see that most of the men's comments are just ribbing and hyperbole. But you women really think you've saying something helpful when dozens of you say, "She's going to improve you" basically implying I've been crud before now.

I'm sure people meant well. Many thought they were being funny. But these jokes might reveal people's true feeling about marriage but I sure hope not! Questions arise:

• Did you men choose bad mates or did they change or have you no spine?
• Did you women choose poorly or change dramatically or do you really want men with no spine?
• Are men truly perpetually immature and unable to make even the simplest decisions for themselves or are women truly domineering, controlling and soul-crushing?
• Do you men have no fun?
• Did you women change into enemies of fun?
• Does every woman out there but Sara think I'm a worthless lump?

The Final Responses:

First, I'm sorry if your marriage experience is unfulfilling recently. Men, I like spending time with Sara who is lots of fun. Women, see point number 2.

Secondly, I think my life was pretty good before. She and I were both good at being single. I think I'm worthy of her and she of me. I'll agree that I'm marrying up but I am not a worthless lump!

Thirdly, I know change is coming. But Sara is not out to change me into something I'm not, I trust her completely in this regard! I welcome the changes in my life marriage will bring, and yes... I'm sure I don't fully understand it all yet.

Above all: Thank you for you words of advice (be they poorly worded, hyperbole, meant as a joke, or cliche) and DON'T SQUELCH OUT LOVE!!!!!!

P.s. I've actually gotten some good advice that I didn't include on this list. If you have any more that doesn't sound like that listed above please feel free to comment.

47493

So they called an ambulance for me.

The tale of a power lunch gone wrong.

I took my lunch hour at 1pm today. I had to get a bite to eat and mail a few wedding invites.

I drove thru McDs and munched on my way to the post office. I decided to park in the shade and eat my lunch. I was listening to the radio and drifted calmly off to sleep. (Car was safely in park.)

I probably slept for 20 minutes and would have slept for longer had not sirens woke me up! There was an ambulance and a firetruck blazing towards my location.

I looked around for smoke but didn't see any. Then both vehicles stopped right in front and beside me. I sat up and took a nerve steadying drink of Diet Coke and rolled down the windows. The fireman spoke first.

"Just taking a nap?"

"I guess I am."

"You live around here?"

"Yes, and I work over at the Church."

"Ok."

"Sorry to get you guys out."

"Don't worry about it." He turns to the truck. "HE WAS JUST TAKING A NAP!"

Then the firemen laugh at me.



I don't want to blame this all on wedding tiredness, I think I may also be sick. But, I won't park in front of that old guys house again if I need to take a nap.

47222

My First Wedding Shower

1st - I'm engaged if you hadn't pieced that together yet.

So I went to our first wedding shower and stayed the whole time. I started to get nervous about attending because people kept asking me if I had to stay the shower and when I said I was planning on it they acted surprised! "Really, you're staying?"

What did they have in store for me? Would I be the object of ridicule? Will I be crying with boredom? Would I be blindfolded for any reason? Was there some kind of wheel of destiny I'd have to spin?

Turns out nothing bad really happens, nor was it boring really. I just smiled and thanked people a lot. I think I've discovered why this shower wasn't so bad, two words "come and go"... three words if you count the "and"... and you probably should without its just "come go" which doesn't imply time for cake.

Basically people streamed in and put their gift down. The gift conveyor belt moved them towards Sara who opened them. The people got cake, as did I, and we opened gifts. I spent most of my time talking to Sara's mom and sister. After a person's gift was opened and their cake devoured they often gave us best wishes and left and new people came in to start the cycle over.

The weird thing about all these gifts is there were mostly better versions of junk I already had. Even though I had registered for them, I felt like the gifts were implying I had no silverware, plates or cooking implements whatsoever.

So whenever Sara would open something I'd say:
"Wow, plates! Now we don't have to eat off the table!"
"Wow, cookie sheets, now the dough won't fall through the grate and onto the oven floor."
"Wow, serving utensils, now Sara won't have to bring me food cupped in her hands."
"Wow, a blender, now my shakes won't be so lumpy."
"Wow, spoons, eating soup is going to be much easier!"
and so forth.

Parting words for Men
* If its "come and go" I think its ok for you to go to it... if invited.
* Also, don't try to be helpful by throwing away bows, they keep those.