I Hate Reply All

There are many annoying email things going on now!
I hate Reply All. You should too. It is over used and annoying.

Here is an example of how Reply All abuse gets started:

To: (40+ email accounts in the office)
Subject: FYI - Kitty is Sick

"Hey guys, just FYI, I'll be a little late getting back from lunch, I have
to take Ms. Kitty Paws to the vet.

Thanks for your prayers,
Fake Name McGoo

This email may contain sensitive information that should not
be shared with anyone. Other legal mumbo jumbo, etc etc.
"

Ok, so this email has several problems:
First, I don't care about your cat.
Second, you emailed too many people this information. They probably agree with point 1.
Third, you put everyone's email in the To: line.
Fourth, your automatic email attached a legal disclaimer to the bottom of an email about your cat. (I didn't know Ms. Kitty Paws' health records were privileged information... and if it is why email everyone on your contact list.)

But lets pretend this is information that everyone needs to know, not a cat-update. If everyone needs to know they all need to get the email but do they all need to be on the To: line? NO!

Also, don't make the mistake of putting everyone on the CC: line either. Most likely everyone needs to be on the BCC: line. If more people did this the Reply All wouldn't be so abused and annoying.

Reply All is only if everyone on the list needs the information your distributing. Here is an example of what not to do:

To: (Everyone McGoo emailed)
Subject: Re: FYI - Kitty is sick.

"McGoo,

Hope your cat doesn't need a purrrscription!

LOL,
Fitzelroy"

Ok, now everyone has gotten two silly emails, one about a cat being sick and one with a bad pun. The problem is everyone else wants to get in the act so you get 10 more emails with messages like:

• I hope her illness doesn't give her paws.
• Are you taking her to the vet in a CAT-illac?
• Maybe the cat has mono does she HISS and tell?
• Why won't you tell us what the vet said? Cat got your tongue?
• Is she CAT-atonic?
• Etc.

As you can see people think they are funny when they are not. Please do not reply all! The people I know who are truly funny don't reply all.

In Conclusion:

• Start treating peoples Email address like their home phone number. Don't just give it out to anybody. Use BCC!
• If you must Reply do so only to those individuals who need the info which is most likely only the person who sent it and not ALL.
• If you must reply all, make sure it is really funny!

48409

Bad Marital "Advice"

OK, since I announced my engagement I have gotten a lot of "advice." And yes, "advice" should be in quotes because I'm using the word ironically. And yes, ironically should be in italics because I'm adding emPHAsis! And yes, PHA should be in all caps because I'm beating a dead horse.

Anywho! I've gotten a lot of bad marital advice. I'm worried that in the slush pile there might be some good advice I'm throwing out with the bad. Here are a collection of things I've been told about marriage by friends, coworkers, elders at my church, my family and others. I've leaving them anonymous because I plan on ripping them to shreds in a bit.

And I warn you, these are actual quotes from actual people who actually said them to me, most in the church building, actually! Most "advice" takes the form of dark prophecies of doom.

"Advice" Given to me by Women!
You're life is going to change sooo much.
You're marrying up.
You're life is no longer your own.
I can't wait to she how she betters you!
Now, don't use that tone with Sara.
Many men don't get a say in the decorations of their house... other than to pay.
Sure, you say that now Trey but you'll understand when your married!
Well, she'll straighten you out quick.

Let me distill the advice from women:
"You're life was pretty sad before. She's great and is doing an act of charity by taking you on as a project."

"Advice" from Men:
You're life is over!
Dead man walkin!
Get ready for the ole ball and chain.
You only got 1 week of freedom left!
Do what ever she says and don't ask questions.
Women good. Men bad.
You're marrying up.
Once your married the fun is over... its a bait-and-switch deal.
If you're going to have fun you'll have to hid it.
How long til the big day... you know weddings and funerals are a lot alike...

Summary of Men's Advice:
"Run! Change your name! I don't like married life."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

All in all I'm more offended by the women. I see that most of the men's comments are just ribbing and hyperbole. But you women really think you've saying something helpful when dozens of you say, "She's going to improve you" basically implying I've been crud before now.

I'm sure people meant well. Many thought they were being funny. But these jokes might reveal people's true feeling about marriage but I sure hope not! Questions arise:

• Did you men choose bad mates or did they change or have you no spine?
• Did you women choose poorly or change dramatically or do you really want men with no spine?
• Are men truly perpetually immature and unable to make even the simplest decisions for themselves or are women truly domineering, controlling and soul-crushing?
• Do you men have no fun?
• Did you women change into enemies of fun?
• Does every woman out there but Sara think I'm a worthless lump?

The Final Responses:

First, I'm sorry if your marriage experience is unfulfilling recently. Men, I like spending time with Sara who is lots of fun. Women, see point number 2.

Secondly, I think my life was pretty good before. She and I were both good at being single. I think I'm worthy of her and she of me. I'll agree that I'm marrying up but I am not a worthless lump!

Thirdly, I know change is coming. But Sara is not out to change me into something I'm not, I trust her completely in this regard! I welcome the changes in my life marriage will bring, and yes... I'm sure I don't fully understand it all yet.

Above all: Thank you for you words of advice (be they poorly worded, hyperbole, meant as a joke, or cliche) and DON'T SQUELCH OUT LOVE!!!!!!

P.s. I've actually gotten some good advice that I didn't include on this list. If you have any more that doesn't sound like that listed above please feel free to comment.

47493

Vicious Diatribe: B*tt-Prints in the Blue Bonnets

Everybody has seen it, and if you've ever been 4-years-old in Texas, you've done it. You've sat your rear end down in a hillside of blue bonnets and taken a cute little picture. And of course this makes me feel an emotion I call "melannoyance" (melancholy annoyance). Its cute and all, but does everybody have to squish our Texas state flower with their backside?

What pushes me from melannoyance into aggrinoyance is when I see someone carving a fresh trail in them with a tripod when someone else has already carved and flattened out a different spot with their hind quarters. But NO! You gotta have a fresh spot, our precious miss muffet must have a virgin tuffet of blue bonnets to violently squash with her diaper covered fanny.

But hey everyone's done it. And the pictures are cute... But if you show me your family photos and they include your kids buns in these valuable (and state protected) flowers there is a good chance I'll walk outside and sit my prodigious keyster in your tulips and see how you like it.

(End note, other words for fanny include: bum, buttocks, badonkadonk, booty, tail, tush and the lesser known tushie)