Twelve Humbugs of Christmas: Part 4
Vapid Celebrity Thoughts About Christmas
Every year the media decides we need to hear somebody talk about Christmas. And who do they choose? Do they choose religious scholars, famous authors or poets, regular people with a story to tell? Nope. They ask idiotic celebrities.
"We're here with Megan McDurmat, who is starring in Bikini Death Kill 2 opening in theaters near you on December 21st. Welcome Megan."
"The next thing on the teleprompter says, 'Do you have any special Christmas Memories?' "
"Oh, Well when I was a little girl my gin-gin... that's what we called my grandmother would..."
And this woman who's only assets are her bikini killing skills proceeds to tell us all the meaning of Christmas and surprise surprise the meaning is to go see her new memory with your family.
The Desecration of "It's a Wonderful Life"
But worse than this is when they take my all time favorite Christmas movie, "It's a wonderful life" and before and after each commercial break they have celebrities talking about the movie and Christmas. First, this eats up air time and causes there to be more commercial breaks than necessary. Second, these people are idiots.
Celebrities are the last people I'd look to for touching family stories. Lets face it. If they loving families they wouldn't gotten into show biz in the first place.
Also a problem is that they can't get real celebrities to do this. They are too cool and too busy to shoot a little heartwarming piece about Christmas. Nope, its always the D list.
Like Whoopi Goldberg, "I just love this part coming up where Bert and Ernie sing in the rain." (This is annoying on two levels. First, who cares what she thinks. Second, she just told what was about to happen in the movie.)
Or David Hyde Pierce - "I remember back on Frasier we'd have a Christmas party and the dog would be there in his Rudolph outfit... I wonder what those guys are doing now... I'm too cool to talk to them now that I'm doing legitimate theatre again... what? Yes, Spamalot is so legitimate theatre!"
Celebrities ruin Christmas!
Also in this category is "entertainment news" which insists on telling us what gifts celebrities are giving each other and their families.
"Angelina & Brad gave all their friends this handwoven bag. It is made of natural fibers and sports the phrase, 'Green is the new Black.' Each bag costs $400 and is made is a sweat shop in Malaysia by 6-year-olds being whipped by relentlessly and are forced to eat lead paint. On a lighter note, Angelina has promised to adopt the child that produces the most bags this holiday season as an incentive... if the whipping isn't enough."
A Heartwarming Tale that makes me vomit
Also this is the one time of the year a celebrity likes to look conscientious. They donate to charity, drop off toys during the today show and stop putting their cigarettes out on peoples necks on the street.
Never mind the rest of the year they spend more on martini's than many families make in a year! But no, we have to act all gracious that one day a year they repel down from their high horse to grace us with their leavings and tax deductible contributions.