The Oliver Effect

In the final season of the Brady Bunch they added "Cousin Oliver" to the show. This definite sign that the show had "jumped the shark" came because all the once cut kids were now getting older, 12-19, not so cute.

The Oliver Effect is a term I've coined to the effect of families in the media to have more and more children. Because honestly, 6 kids in a bunch is enough! You can see the need in the media to make families larger and larger, it's getting dangerously out of control.

Let's look at the Timeline
1 - I Love Lucy - 1 Kid (Little Ricky)
2 - Leave it to Beaver - 2 Kids (Wally and ... well, you know)
3 - My Three Sons - Those three sons.
6 - The Brady Bunch - (7 if you count Oliver, I do not.)
5-8ish -The Cosby Show - (Sondra, Denise, Theo, Venessa and Rudy but in a classical Cousin Oliver Move they added little Olivia. The other two "kids" were the husbands of Sondra and Denise, Elvin and Martin respectively. Not to mention Bud, Cockroach, and that fat kid who ate all their meals at the Huxtable house.)
Then Movies Got the act.
12 - Cheaper by the Dozen (I didn't see the "original") Ok this is getting nuts twelve kids! In fact they had a sequel, where one kid had a kid of their own, pushing the number to 13. They should have called it "Cheaper by the Bakers Dozen"
18 - Yours mine and ours (Again, I didn't see the original) INSANITY! 18 Kids.

Here is where I think we are headed in the future. My Ideas for the Future:

The Brady Bunches and Bunches - In a shameless remake with a twist. Two fertility doctors (one male, one female) are each in Brady Bunch style families (only with 8 kids each, instead of just 6). Their spouses die and the only logical thing to do is get married bringing their 16 kids together in an abandoned summer camp (they need the bunk beds). Their new experimental fertility drug leads them to have a set of quads a year for three years! Bringing their total up to 30 kids (12 of which are under 3!). They also adopt their identical cousins Rascal (the trouble maker) and Randal (the prematurely uptight kid) in season 4. Bing 32!

Cheaper by the Gross (A gross is a dozen dozens, 144, often used in inventory). An elderly Steve Martin wants to keep his family together so he has a family reunion. Each of his 12 kids has each had 12 kids in turn giving him 144 grandchildren. At the reunion all the adults are poisoned by the punch and die except Steve and his new trophy wife Denise Richards who survive to raise 144 kids in a remodeled psychiatric hospital. Hijinx ensues.

Nothing to say

Blah blah I don't know what to say. Hmm.... filling up space.... your life is passing away... you are getting older...

Perhaps since I can't think of anything I'll do a Tower of Babel Poem

Babel Version: Babel-Time
You are older than you have been never and hour you'er older, anchor.
Hour you are still older
and an hour still older you are
Do not read this or you will be older and no better on the test for it
No the more test for it.
And nobody is the four tiny tests ago
You are older than you have been never and hour you'er older, anchor.
Hour you are still older
and an hour still older you are
Heartbeat of tock of the heartbeat; the fairies fairies

Italian Translation:
Siete più vecchi di siete stati mai ed ora il vostro più vecchio ancora. Ora siete ancora più vecchi ed ora siete ancora più vecchi non leggete questo o sarete più vecchi e nessuno il saggio per esso nessun il più saggio per esso. E nessuno è i quattro minuti più saggi fa che siete più vecchi di siete stati mai ed ora il vostro più vecchio ancora. Ora siete ancora più vecchi ed ora siete ancora più vecchio battito del tock del battito fate fate

Original English:
You are older than you've ever been and now your even older.
Now you're even older
And now you're even older
Don't read this or you will be older and none the wise for it
None the wiser for it.
And noone is the wiser four minutes ago
You are older than you've ever been and now your even older.
Now you're even older
And now you're even older
Tick tock tick do do do do

(That's right Tick tock tick do do do do - translates to The heartbeat of tick, the heartbeat of tock the fairies faires. That is truly awesome.)

Also dinner was good tonight.

Rant: Please Pull Around

Ok, so I eat fast food too often. And let me say the expression "Please Pull Around" has begun to to weight heavily on my mind. I think the whole drive through thing is at sixes and sevens with itself.

Why so many Windows?
Ok so back in the day you had one window. And they took your money and gave you your food. This was understandable. Then some egghead developed the two window system. Take you money at the first window and screw up your order at the second. A "convenience" that every other chain has adopted. BUT I HATE IT when they have multiple windows but they are only using 1! I mean why build the others if you can't staff them. Worst is if you wait at the first window until the other guys has to wave you down from food window, because your an idiot and didn't listen when he said, "Please pull around to the 2nd window." Which 2nd window, mine or yours?

And some places have even more windows now! Two windows taking orders and one giving out the wrong stuff. If they have two I always have a micro-panic attack. What should I do? I just throw it in reverse and go the KFC.

Proof I Can't Every Be Happy:
Ordering from a Person vs. Talking into the Clown's Mouth

There is a new trend to order with a human being. McD's is doing it now. You have to tell a person face to face what you want. Why I hate this?

1) I'm often ashamed of my order. I'll have a supersized number 3, and let me get a Frosty... "What drink Sir?" Uhm.... mumble... "What was that Sir?" ... Diet Coke OK! I want 2 lbs of grease and cheese and a DIET coke!

2) I like to look at the pictures while I order. Even though Wendy's menu hasn't changed in a decade I like to think that I might mix things up and order something different. But I don't, Mustard and Pickles only.

But the speaker in the clowns mouth is bad too:

1) It's embarrassing to be yelling at an inanimate sign! And I mean yell because they don't hear you. "I'd LIKE A 5 PIECE NUGGET! NO SAUCE!" I sometimes carry a cheerleader megaphone to yell at the box. "GIMME an N! U! G! G! E! T!"

2) When they talk back it likes it's be translated into Japanese by Chewbacca! Where all drive through speakers made in the 40's. Is there vacuum tube technology still at work?

SO, I can't be happy, I hate both systems... but I love fast food.

They always screw up your order.
You finally navigated the quagmire that is the drive through and your so happy to go you get the bag and slam on the gas! Why not? You are free! Then a block away you get to thinking. That bag seemed a little light. So you do that little one hand on the wheel, one hand frantically feels around in the bag doing a tactile inventory. Ok, I've got two burger shaped things. Some fries, a scalding hot apple pie... wait? Where are my union rings?! But now you 2 blocks away, do you go back? What would you say, no... you just take it! Not me! I got back. I go back to the food giving window and I go there first. I back into the out way. I'll ram a car out of the way. "Pardon me, you forgot my rings. Also could you pay for that guys bumper, I just rammed him because of what YOU did."

Places that have no drive through:
Isn't this killing your business. A fast food place with no drive through is like a person with no answering machine... get with the times. The biggest offender in this area is Subway. Are they too good for drive through? I mean they are named after a mode of transportation themselves. "I can tell you what I want without pressing my face against the glass... hmm... banana peppers, Parmesan cheese and uh... what the heck, throw some leeks on my meetball sub."

Quick Final Thoughts:
* Why do they hide the the straw in the BAG! I always panic for a nanosecond until I find it.
* Do they really put something in KFC chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly? I'll have to check my food diary.
* Why only two ketchups?

Name that tune (answers)

Kudoos to all of you who guess correctly.

1) Ok I have to come clean. I can't remember the title for this song. I was counting on Jonathan remembering it. It is an Acapella song where they mess up the beginning. I've sparked someones memory... help me out.

2) Yes - Owner of a Lonely Heart

3)Van Halen - Jump

4) John Denver - Annie's Song

5) Sublime - What I got

6) (From the comment's page) Notorius B.I.G. - Mo Money Mo Problems

7) Beattles - Run for Your Life

8) Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life

9) Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun

10) Franz Ferdinand - Take me Out - Go to iTunes now and download this song.

Shame on James for not playing, this was right up his musical alley. Shame.

Name that tune:

We are on the HONOR SYSTEM here people... no Gooooogling! Or google but don't post the answers you spoil-sport.

Some first song lyrics for you to name and/or finish:

1) "Everytime I wonder why no matter what you... huh?... bum bum bum.... HA HA HA... bum bum bum... you were always right"

2) "Move yourself. You always live you life, never thinking of the future. Prove yourself. You are the move you make, take your chances win or loser."

3) "I get up, and nothing gets me down. You got it tough. I've seen the toughest around." - For Ryan... hint... think roller rink.

4) I guess I better do one for Maggie too... "You fill up my senses, like a night in a forest." Too easy?

5) "Early in the morning, rising to the street. Light me up a cigarete and I strap shoes on my feet."

7) "I'd rather see you dead little girl than to be with another man." Hint: Not as dark as it sounds.

8) "I'm packed and I'm holding I'm smiling, she's living, she's golden She lives for me, says she lives for me" (Although technically you might say "do do do" is the first lyric)

9) "When I'm a walkin, I strut my stuff and I'm so strung out." A easy lyric for James or Jonathan.

10) And one for me, "So if your lonely. You know I'm here waiting for you. I'm just a crosshair, I'm just a shot away from you."

New Addiction

Podcasts. These things come for free to your iPod. The one I'm listening to now is called Acapella U! It is amazing. I thought it was going to be church music but there is apparently hundreds of collegiate acapella groups in this country from secular schools. The bonus is they are aren't doing covers of "Everybody said that anybody could do." Instead they are doing U2, the Beatles, Greenday, Guns and Roses and every pop band under the sun. Its free but the host guys talks too much.

You get like 5 songs in 30 minutes tops. But you can fast forward over that guy, who needs him. There are podcasts for EVERYTHING. I'm going to download the "Lost" podcast that has secrets of the show discussions.

Spell check tries to turn Acapella into Isabella.

Ashley's Italics: Ok Ashley says she doesn't read my blog because it is too complex. So I said I'd give a cliff notes at the bottom for her, and you guys too. So here it is. Complexity 3/12. Trey rambles about Acapella U podcast which he already rambled about in real life to you Ashley so you can skip this post.