3, 2, 1 Christmas is over

These are the final three categories. I'm happy to wax poetic on them as well but my drive has gone out now that Christmas is over.

Three Gift Giving Traditions:
3) Free for all - The most fun. My advise, wear body armor.
2) The Anal Retentive - One at a time, everyone gets to see everyone's gifts in great detail. My advise, bring a book and wear a catheter it may take a while.
1) Chinese Gift Exchange - My least favorite. Everyone agrees to bring a gift whose value is sure to make shopping difficult and the recipient ungrateful. Then you anger your friends and coworkers by stealing things. My advise, pretend to forget to bring something and pocket the $15.

Two competing Holidays (People say holidays to avoid god but holiday has it's roots in "Holy Days.")
2) Kwanzaa - Kwanzaa is a "holiday", Kwanza (with one a) is a currency an African currency. This isn't even really a "Holy Day." For Pete's sake it was only founded in 1966! But it has been elevated by the media to the level of Christmas and Chanukah.
1) Hanukkah - At least this is a real holy day. Pros - 8 days of gifts. Cons - they are all from stingy Jewish relatives.

ONE CHRISTMAS STORY
Two thousand years ago, the son of God was born under the worst possible set of circumstances. A poor laborer finds his virgin fiance is with child. The neighbors likely talked, few would believe the virgin birth story if the parents were odd enough to share it. So we have a poor baby of uncertain parentage born in a barn. And forget than hospital clean nativity scene from the front lawn of the weird family down the road. This was a grungy barn, full of animals from all the residents of the inn who had travel for the census. The good news is that no matter how unimpressive your origin is, Jesus has you beat. God sent him for us. Jesus had free will just like us, was tempted like us, but unlike us he didn't sin. Years later, that poor dirty baby would cause a media stir and have to be killed for being too popular. He allowed this to happen for a very good reason: He loves you.

I don't care that we don't know Jesus' birth day to be Dec 25th! I just hope we didn't miss another opportunity this year to tell the world about the Baby who would be King.

Merry Christmas.

Love,

Trey

Twelve Blogs of Christmas, Part IV: Bells

4 CHRISTMAS BELLS!

The music of Christmas is always attached to bells!

4) Sleigh bells/Jingle Bells - This is perhaps the most jolly of all bells. They are small and ment to make music as you move about. Making mere locomotion a musical experience. Santa is well known to have worn these as well as Ruth in my office whose socks are jiggle belled.

3) Dinner Bells - You've already seen a whole blog about food, so why not ring the bell. Although, I'm not sure anyone actually rings a dinnerbell anymore. There is a bell up in Long John Silvers but you ring it if you are happy with the service after the meal. Mmm... fish and hush puppies.

2) Doorbells - I love family and friends being home. We can all see each other and what not. And there is always a chance the door bell is the UPS man with a gift from Aunt Edna.

1) Church/Choir Bells - This is the reason bells are so closely related to Christmas. There are a lot of carols about bells too. In fact if we don't have real bells handy people are happy to sing "Ding Dong Ding Ding" "jingle jingle jingle" and even "ting-a-ling."

I've refrained thus far from going into a diatribe about Christ being removed from "the Holidays" but the bells bring it back home. In the words of Jim Carey on Conan O'Brien last night when Conan said Happy Holidays, "What you can't say CHRIST-mas? Well have a Christy, Christy good time on this the day we celebrate the birth of our Lord JESUS!"

Thanks to Ann Hansen for suggesting this category. Merry Christmas!
(Only three blogs till Christmas!)

Twelve Blogs of Christmas, Part V: Christmas Trees

FIVE GOLDEN TREES
(They are golden when covered with lights and tinsel.)

5) The Charlie Brown Tree - Ryan's blog featured this real life replica for sale for only $24.00! I like the idea of a group of kids making anything awesome just by clumping up and waving their arms about (this was the subject of an snl cartoon parody, which I can't link to because it contanis adult humor like the band Phish, lesbians and eww... Jenifer Lopez and Ben Aflec. Those old enought to watch SNL could find it online.)

4) The aluminium pole - The focal point of a Festivus celebreation. It has a very high strength-to-weight ratio. The tree is left unadorned because "I find tinsel" distracting.

Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.
Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?
Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born . . . a Festivus for the rest of us!
Cosmo Kramer: That must've been some kind of doll.
Frank Costanza: She was.

3) Scotch Pine - is the most planted commercial Christmas tree in North America, popular because it does not drop alot needles when dry and for it's smell. Some people don't like this tree because of its propensity for soccer hooliganism.

2) The Douglas Fir - Douglas Fir is not a true fir but actually has its own unique classification. Unlike true firs the cones on Douglas fir hang downward. The man who this tree is named after died when a logger cut him down at the ancles. He took it well, even yelling "TIMBER" as he went down.

1) Fake - That's right the most sold type of tree is the fake plastic tree. It's hypoalergenic, it's clean, and you can but that smell in candles or a spray can. You lose that true Christmas aroma but you gain convenience of use year after year. The plastic tree is currently putting real trees out of business and I say "good ridance" and "Long Live Radiohead."

DOUBLE FEATURE: Twelve Blogs of Christmas, Parts VII & VI:Christmas Songs and Carols

(Ok so I'm running out of time. But I will finish on Christmas day!)

7 CHRISTMAS SONGS & CAROLS

I've left out some of the traditionals like Silent Night, Oh Come all Ye Faithful and others in favor of newer songs.

7) Good King Winceslas - I was at a party at Harding and Dr. Worm burst in to this song. I've always liked it but nobody knows the words... that is except Dr. Worm. He sang all 5 or 6 verses to our amazement. I've since learned the words myself to duplicate his feat of wordery.

6) Character Songs - Rudolph and Frosty - It's good to be able to learn about a new Christmas character in song. I have fond memories of singing Frosty and yelling "Thumpity Thump Thump" in the back of the Weavers van, bouncing up and down like lunatics. Then we'd play tumbleweed and Travis would cry.


5) Jingle Bells - Also fun due to the proliferation of alternative lyrics (most notably the Batman parody)



4) Santa Claus is Coming to Town - The song that proves Santa is a creepy stalker. Although I do like the admonishment about pouting and crying. It still seems weird that Santa knows when you are sleeping (it's redundant to add that he knows when you are awake). He also knows if you've been bad or good but apparently only really watches two weeks before Christmas.


3) Up on the housetop - A fun song full of onomatopoeia like "click click click."


2) Deck the Halls - Also a fun song with the optional pyromaniac paraody that I will share if you don't already know it. I just love songs that have "fa la la la la" in them.


1) Spanish/English Christmas Songs - Most common is "Felice Navidad" but every year they also unwrap "Donde esta Santa Claus?" A really fun little song. Wherein they rename the reindeer: Pancho, Vixen, Pedro, Blitzen. Call into your radio station now and request it.


6 MORE CHRISTMAS SONGS & CAROLS (These are the traditional songs.)


6) Carol of the Bells - You know this one even if you think you don't. "Hark how the bells/sweet silver bells/all seem to say/throw cares away." I particularly like the big rock version by Manheim Steamroller.

5) Oh Christmas Tree - The song everyone thinks they know in german but actually don't.

4) Baby it's cold outside - Perhaps the least religious or christmassy song on the list. Made an appearance in Elf. I have some vague fantasy of singing this with wife each christmas to the embarassement of our children (hopefully when company is over).

3) The Christmas Song - You know, "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire/Jack Frost Nipping at your nose" Song famously by what's-his-name and written by the "Velvet Fog" Mel Torme (reportedly in July).

2) Angels we have heard on high - Another beautiful song. I just like getting to that "GLO-O-O-O-ORIA" and acting like a lunatic.

1) Have a holly jolly christmas - This song gets me in the mood for christmas everytime! If pressed I will play this one for you on my uke, but be prepared to rock!

Have a holly, jolly Christmas;
It's the best time of the year
I don't know if there'll be snow,
but have a cup of cheer.

Have a holly, jolly Christmas;
And when you walk down the street
Say Hello to friends you know and ev'ryone you meet.

Oh, ho, the mistletoe hung where you can see;
Somebody waits for you;
Kiss her once for me.

Have a holly jolly Christmas,
and in case you didn't hear,
Oh by golly, have a holly, jolly Christmasthis year.

(I've skipped so many that this may require another catagory.)

Twelve Blogs of Christmas, Part VIII:Christmas Foods

8 Christmas Foods
The Good and the Bad of Christmas Foods

8) Fruitcake - We've all heard the legend of the "re-gifted" fruitcake that lasts decades. My Granny Ruth would always seem to have them. I think the modern fruitcake is the butt of too many unfounded jokes. In fact, most fruitcakes are bought as jokes and never eaten. If fresh they are pretty good.

7) Nuts - I don't know if this is true everywhere but I always had a few of these in my stocking along with fruit. As kids we didn't really get into the whole nut thing. Especially the Brazil nut that I still to this day can't get into. Give me a pistachio or pecan any day. What makes me sad is to hear people say when they were kids they were happy to get nuts. I think half of them are just lying, half have fuzzy memories and half are just insane. (Insane like a man with 3 halves.)

6) Candy Canes - See below for Candy Cane myths. I like an ornament you can honestly eat. Unlike those ceramic gingerbread men!

5) Pies - It was hard to include pumpkin and not pecan. Other families have cherry or apple on Christmas every year, that just seems weird. Fruit pies are spring and summer pies to me.

4) Figgy Pudding - I liked to sing Frigging Pudding but some people would try to get offended about it. I've never actually had this Figgy pudding which goes to show that I will leave before I get some, despite my songs to the contrary.

3) Dip - For some reason the holidays have become a time to unveil new dips! I've had spinach with waterchestnuts. I've had creamcheese and candied jalipino. And there are the standards of ranch and french onion. I recall last Christmas my youngest niece Mary Cate kept eating and eating french onion dip. She loved it. Unfortunately she used the same Frito for every dip. Forget double dipping, we went past septuple and dodeca diping as well! About ever couple of minutes we'd change out the Frito because it became mostly mush.

2) Cookies & Gingerbread - I like those men. Yummy. I also like the idea of a gingerbread house although nobody ever lets you bend over and take a big chomp out of the side of one. I understand that to make them look good they become inedible. This is travesty. And of course Christmas cookies will always be awesome because they are fun to make, eat and bribe Santa with.

1) Sugarplums - This one got top honors because we all know about but nobody has ever actually seen one. The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word sugarplum thusly: "A small round or oval sweetmeat, made of boiled sugared and variously flavoured and coloured; a comfit." I had to look up comfit next:

"Comfit, an archaic English word for an item of confectionery consisting of a
seed, or nut coated in several layers of sugar...In England these small, hard
sugar sweets were often made with caraway seeds, known for sweetening the breath (hence kissing comfits). Up to a dozen coats of syrup were needed before the
seeds were satisfactorily encrusted. Comfits were eaten a sweets. Confectioners
as early as the 17th century recognized by varying the proportions of sugar in
the syrup they could change the final texture, making pearled comfits or crisp
and ragged comfits."

I knew the word to basically ment candy since I read 'Alice in Wonderland' in elementary school. Alice has a box of comfits in her pocket. All that said, I'm still not sure if they are real. Perhaps the line "Visions of Sugarplums danced in their heads" is meant to indicate these are mythical (and hence facticious) candies.

The only thing I left off this list is the Christmas Goose because, lets face it, we eat turkey and it's more of a Thanksgiving thing now anyway.

Twelve Blogs of Christmas, Part IX: Christmas Myths

9 Christmas Myths
I'll give you the good news and the bad news.

9) poinsettia Plant are poisonous - Not true. The only documented case of this happening apparently forgot to mention the pesticides on the plant. So the good news is... you can eat this unattractive, bitter plant if you wash it first.
8) The modern image of Santa Claus was created by Coca-Cola - Well this is just silly. Pictures of Santa have been painted and drawn for years become Coke got a hold of him. Just a examples. In 1804, the New York Historical Society was founded with Nicholas as its patron saint, its members reviving the Dutch tradition of St. Nicholas as a gift-bringer. On Christmas Eve of 1822, another New Yorker, Clement Clarke Moore, wrote down and read to his children a series of verses; his poem was published a year later as "An Account of a Visit from St. Nicholas" (more commonly known today by its opening line, "'Twas the night before Christmas") There are hundred of other example of Pre-Coke Santa. The bad news is... once Santa got on Coke he stopped sleeping and alienated his friends by always calling them "phonies."
7) The suicide rate increases over the "Holiday Season." It's logical to think that a depressed person would feel worse seeing everyone else so happy. It's logical but wrong. The statistics that are kept by the psych community do not reflect this belief. (There are a similar myth about mother's killing themselves on mother's day, and also a Veterans Day myth). So the good news is... we're just as likely to kill ourselves every day of the year! Hoorah!
6) Jesus was born by "Immaculate Conception" - False. People think this is about Jesus or the virgin birth, but it's is about neither. This Papal Law is about Mary being born free of "original sin." Therefore being chosen at the moment of her conception to the vessel for Christ some 14-18 years later. It was not made official until 1854 by Pope Pius IX. I've changed you view on papal law. The bad news is... I can't do anything to change the "Immaculate Reception."
5) X-mas is an offensive anti-Christian thing. - False (more or less). The Greek letter Chi has long been used as a symbol for Christ. It resembles the English X. This is the origin of the express. But what make me say "more or less" is that some Christian's take offense due to their ignorance of its roots and the bad news is... some people try to use it as an anti-Christians thing for the same reason
4) Candy canes are shaped like a J and have red stripes to repressed Jesus's Blood - This is not true and kind of a gross idea. The good news... nobody is going to offer me a Jesus's Blood popsicle.
3) Three Wise Men - Every year I have to explain to someone that we don't know how many wise men there were only that they brought 3 gifts. As a bonus myth, they likely arrived 2 years later! Because this is the age Herod used to kill all the baby boys 2 years and younger. So take those 3 multi-ethnic dudes out of the manger. The good news is... we have Biblical mandate for extravagant gift giving.
2) The Day after Thanksgiving is the Biggest Shopping Day of the Year - Not true. Called Black Friday due to businesses getting "out of the red." Although everyone says this is true it doesn't make it so. Here are the "just the bottom line" most money spent day for the past decade.

2004: Saturday, Dec. 18
2003: Saturday, Dec. 20
2002: Saturday, Dec. 21
2001: Saturday, Dec. 22
2000: Saturday, Dec. 23
1999: Saturday, Dec. 18
1998: Saturday, Dec. 19
1997: Saturday, Dec. 20
1996: Saturday, Dec. 21
1995: Saturday, Dec. 23
1994: Friday, Dec. 23
1993: Thursday, Dec. 23

So Christmas is related to the "biggest shopping day of the year." It seems that Saturdays will reign supreme (the only exception to this is Christmas Eve Eve shopping in the early 90s). Why do we think Black Friday is the biggest? Because that's when Soccer Mom's shop. But it turns out unprepared men shop later and spend more money! Take that Target Wake up calls! The good news is... unprepared men are willing to pay more for jewelry for the convenience of not having to think of something thoughtful.
1) Jesus was born on December 25th. - Ok so the Roman did this a lot. They adopted other areas religions and rolled them into their own. But when they decided that Christianity was the way they began paving over other faith's holy days with Christian ones. So what better day than December 25th, the birthday of the Sun God Mithras. People were used to celebrating on that day and most could be convinced to switch allegiances to gods than move their calendar. (This also happened with Easter, Eostre goddess of the spring, she'd eat rabbits and give eggs. Also with the old New Years Day April 1, becoming April fools day.) The good news is... nobody seems to care.

Did I miss a myth? I'd hate to make a mythstake.

Twelve Blogs of Christmas, Part X: Reindeer

10 REINDEER
What? Were you expecting this under 8 or 9?

General Reindeer Information:In the claymation Santa Claus is common to town. The formerly wicked Winter Warlock gave Santa's friendly reindeer magical corn that allowed them to fly.

The famous poem, "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore did a lot to set out image of Santa and Christmas. It was also the first to number and name the Reindeer. Before then there was a fluid number. Here is an excerpt from that famous poem:

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

Let's visit each of the Old School Reindeer.

1) Dasher - A good solid, strong and fleet reindeer. The leader of the reindeer team (in the same way there is a lead dog on the sled.) Also the origin of the expression "Dash away!" Meaning move like Dasher, some of the other reindeer tire of this constant comparison to "Santa's Pet".)

2) Dancer - A dexterous reindeer, girlfriend of Dasher.

3) Prancer - A "confirmed" bachelor reindeer.

4) Vixen - The most attractive and promiscuous of the reindeer. (Unrequited love of Blitzen)

5) Comet - The obsessive compulsive clean freak female reindeer.

6) Cupid - Matchmaker reindeer. A older male reindeer that hooked up Dasher and Dancer, as well as himself with Comet.

7) Donder - This reindeer HATE IT WHEN YOU CALL HIM DONNER! It's Donder, the reindeer with an anger management problem. His name got mixed up from the poem (see above) and the song (see below). Calling him Donner is a nickname that is annoying. Like Ryan being called RyRy.

8) Blitzen - The reindeer from Germany that was once stuck by lightning, earning his name.

9) Rudolf - The less said the better about this genetic freak the better. You all know the song. Sadly Rudolf is no longer with us. His disformity spread eventually his entire body glowed. Although beautiful this was too hot, it cooked his internal organs, and turned the rest of him into reindeer jerky. Any current sighting of Rudolf is actually Dasher with a fake nose attached.

10) Olive -The Other Reindeer, Champion Monopoly player. You sing about Olive every time you sing about Rudolf. Olive is a reindeer that was left out of the fateful trip that became the poem because of her propensity to make fun of others (Which is clearly naughty, and Santa wouldn't have it.) You know Olive... "Olive, The Other Reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."

I really like it when a group of kids start singing the song and have differing opinions about the "additional lyrics."

You know Dasher and Dancer
And Prancer and Vixen,
Comet and Cupid
And Donner and Blitzen, (Note the incorrect usage of Donder)
But do you recall
The most famous reindeer of all?

Rudolph the Red-Nosed
Reindeer ("Reindeer!")
Had a very shiny nose ('Like a light bulb!")
And if you ever saw him ("Saw it!", kids usually say saw "it" instead of him.)
You would even say it glows ("Like a flashlight!" Here arises the first real conflict of additional lyrics. The uncreative dim children want to say light bulb again.)

All of the other reindeer ("Reindeer." Notice Olive's name is misspelled in this line, but what do you expect after the author misspelled a simple name like Donder.)
Used to laugh and call him names ("Like Pinocchio!")
They never let poor Rudolph ("Rudolf")
Join in any reindeer games ("like Monopoly" other variants exist her in limited quantity.)

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say ("Ho ho ho!" Although I prefer to sing "In his underwear!")
Rudolph, with your nose so bright,
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?

Then all the reindeer loved him ("Loved him." Note, that Olive is not mentioned here, she still disliked him.)
As they shouted out with glee: ("Yippee!")
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,
You'll go down in history! ("Like Columbus!" unfortunately there are many lesser incarnation of this last "ad lib." Including Atilla the Hun, Abraham Lincoln, and others.)

3 Down, 9 to go.
Merry Christmas!

Twelve Blogs of Christmas, Part XI: Must Have Toys

11 MUST HAVE TOYS SINCE 1900!
Toys you have to have!
Just goes to show you... Christmas is about presents!

11) Crayola Crayons (1903) - The average American Child wears down 730 crayons by age 10! 2.5 Billion crayons are sold each year. I don't think I wore down that many I tended to break them in half. Just goes to show you... that sharpener on the back of the box is only there to make your crayon's lifespan shorter.

10) Lincoln Logs (1916) - Lincoln Logs were invented by John Lloyd Wright, the son of architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Wright was inspired by the way that his father designed the earthquake-proof Imperial Hotel in Tokyo. Jeff Brooks has a set of these in my office that I always think about stealing. Just goes to show you... nobody makes a toy version of the Ford Theatre for a reason.

9) Madame Alexander Collectible Dolls (1929) - One for the ladies. Madame Alexander was the first to create a doll based on a licensed character (Scarlett O'Hara from Gone With the Wind), thus paving the way for the glut of movie dolls, figurines and action figures. I never got it, why hve a toy that is too valuable to play with? Just goes to show you... well... nothing... this toy is stupid.

8) Monopoly (1935) - FUN FACTS. Just goes to show you... you can play a game that goes around in a circle a thousand times!

7) Scrabble (1948), Clue (1949) - A two for one for this decade! Two more fun board games. No American linen closet is complete with out at least one of these games. "It was Professor Plum in the Library with a triple word score!" Just goes to show you... keen detective skills can outshine poor spelling.

6) Mr. Potato Head (1952) - The original Mr. Potato Head contained only parts--eyes, ears, noses and mouths--parents had to supply children with real potatoes to play with! Eight years later, manufacturer Hasbro decided to include a hard plastic potato "body" with the toy to replace the real spud. I have a Darth Tater Mr Potato Head that comes with a mask, cape and light saber. Just goes to show you... children used to be really sad, I mean a real potato excited them. I wonder how many of those potatoes were later repossesed by mothers and fed to children?

5) Etch-a-Sketch (1960) - How does the Etch-a-Sketch work? A stylus is mounted on a pair of orthogonal rails, which move when you turn the knobs. A mixture of extremely fine aluminum powder and beads (which help the powder flow evenly) lines the Etch-a-Sketch's interior. When you turn the device upside down and shake, this mixture sticks to the inside face of the glass. And when you then turn one of the knobs, the stylus scratches off the aluminum dust to create a line on the screen. There is a lot art out there too. To make it permanent you drill a hole in the back and let the dust come loose (and disconnect the nobs). Just goes to show you... fine motor skills developed for picking nuts and berries can still be put to a good use.

4) Rubik's Cube (1978) - Invented by former-commie Erno Rubik, the cube has 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 different possible configurations and only one solution. Thought unsolvable but clearly not. I can solve on in under 3 minutes! (Although it took me 6 months the first time.) I can't sleep in my apartment if I know there is an unsolved Rubik's cube inside. I can teach you how to solve it if you are pretty smart, have a high frustration tolerance, and have 6 months to learn. Just goes to show you... Communists quit being communists when they make millions of dollars.

3) Cabbage Patch Kids (1983) - In 1985, the peak of the Cabbage Patch Kids craze, doll sales totaled $600 million (that's more than $1.1 billion in 2005 dollars. In 1985, my grandmother stood in line for hours to get one of these for Stacey. We all thought it was the dumbest thing ever. Until all the cool kids had one. The next Christmas we all got one. Just goes to show you... people like things with tattoos on their backside.

2) Tickle-Me Elmo (1996) - Trying to buy this toy could result in stampede deaths in 1996! The craze didn't take off until talk show host and comedienne Rosie O'Donnell pulled an old Groucho Marx gag on her unsuspecting guests. Every time a guest said the word "wall," Rosie threw one of the 200 Elmo dolls that manufacturer Tyco toys sent to her studio into the audience. Afterwards, toy stores turned soccer moms in to Mad Max Hooligans. Just goes to show you... you can't trust lesbians.

1) XBOX 360! (2005) - Everybody wants one but there are no more left. Plus many who special ordered one didn't get it! Others are told they won't arrive until February! They are selling on ebay for more than $1400! There was even two confirmed muggings at the opening of the sale and one drive by shooting at a line at Circuit City. Just goes to show you... video games make people violent!

Need more toy trivia check out this.

What toy did you want when you were a kid?

Twelve Blogs of Christmas, Part XII: Movies

It was the best of Christmases. It was the worst of Christmases.
Between now and Christmas I'll be reflecting on the Modern (Postmodern?) Christmas. As I have 11 more Parts to write I'm open to suggestion about future blogs. Today's topic is "Christmas Movies"

Twelve Christmas Movies!

12) Ernest Saves Christmas - Starting out with a whimper. This is one bad movie that I loved as a child. It's got Santa. Ernest pretending to be that snake handler guy. That fat man with the shifty eyes. Favorite Moment: Shifty-eyed guys little friend open an umbrella after noticing Reindeer on the ceiling.

11) Home Alone (1 & 2) - Am I the only one who wished their family would leave them alone for the Holidays. Plus, lots of good shot of bad guys being struck violently in the crotch. Favorite Moment: Joe Pesci catches an Iron in the face, trips on Miro Machines then steps on Christmas ornaments with bare feet.

10) How the Grench Stole Christmas (Original and Carey) - I prefer the original. First of all, there is more singing. Secondly, it is shorter. Favorite Moment: The Grinch's heart breaks that heart-measuring device.

9) Rudolf, Frosty & Other Claymation - I decided to lump these. I like spotty animation, the poor lip syncing and the very cheerful rosey Santa. Favorite Moment: Rudolf's nose lights up and melts Frosty.

8) Christmas Vacation - What is Christmas without time spent with family you'd rather not have to see. The Griswalds really live it with dazzling lighting. Favorite Moment: The squirrel.

7) Die Hard - Arguable the best action Christmas movie! I mean it has everything. And Bruce really delivers! I think more Christmas movies should include C4 and an AK-47. Favorite Moment: Like Anne Lennox says, "Walkin' on, walkin' on broken glass!"

6) Nightmare Before Christmas - Again, I love the claymation stuff! Tim Burton's best work (2nd place Scissorhands). Jack is a great character. The combination of Christmas and Halloween reminds me of this cartoon. Favorite moment: Jack sings, "There's children throwing snowballs / instead of throwing heads / they're busy building toys / and absolutely no one's dead!"

5) UDPATE: ELF! Due to mass appeal Elf has replaced Miracle on 34th street. Take that old people! Elf really is a good movie, Will Farrel is extremely funny. It's hard to watch this and not feel some holidy spirit... and laugh your head off! Favorite Moments: The four elf food groups: Candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.

4) White Christmas - Ah, now this is really Christmassy. One time I was watching this and all the commercials were for Aluminium Siding. Bing had just begun to sing at the end of the movie, "I'm dreaming of..." STATIC... then a final 3 minute long commercial for Aluminium Siding and not the rest of the movie! I was livid. I called the Siding people and complained. It was in the paper the next day, they got hundreds of complaint phone calls. People wanted to hear that song. Favorite moment: The Song, well duh.

3) A Christmas Carol - This movie has been done over so many times its sad and awesome. I liked Scrooged because I love Bill Murray. There is a good musical version "Scrooge" staring Albert Finney. The Muppets and Mickey Mouse have done a version. I like the old (non-animated) movie. Favorite Moment: "God bless us, everyone!"

2) A Christmas Story - No need for preamble just a collection of my Favorite moments: "You'll shoot your eye out kid!" "FRAGILE... must be from France." "Mashed potatoes. The Double Dog Dare. The Tongue. The Bully and his Henchmen. Fantasy sequence of making Black Bart and his gang push up daisies. The Red Rider BB Gun, with a compass in the stock and everything!

1) It's a Wonderful Life - The best Christmas movie ever. I really miss how they used to show ALL THE TIME during December. It would be on like 4 cable stations at once everyday. You could flip around and catch your favorite moments: The Boy, The Ice, The Pharmacist, The Girl, The Hee-Haw, The Dance Floor, The Pool, The Lasso, The Buffalo Gals, The Saving and Loan, The Honeymoon, The Bert and Ernie, The Bridge, The Richest Man in Town and The Bells.

I'm feeling downright jolly!

Yes I know I missed your favorite... tell me all about it.
(Honorable mention Christmas Movies: Ghostbusters II, Bad Santa, The Ref, Harry Potter 1 & The Nut Cracker. Dishonorable Mention: Anything starring Tim Allen.)