New Church Words

Word of Warning:

Not for those who have yet to grow a sense of humor.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Post-Sermon Rustle (PSR) - It seems in preaching school they make you develop a signature closing phrase, much like news anchors. This phrase usually ends with "... as together we stand and sing." The opening syllables of this phrase sets off the Post-Sermon Rustle. People start folding Bibles and getting out song books, others gather their kids toys. Sometimes accompanied by the PSM, the Post-Sermon Murmur as people discuss going to lunch.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

This morning in the shower I came up with this term, "Theology of Least Resistance" to describe some church behavior. "Making a decision based on which perceived outcome will garner the fewest complaints." I'm not immune to the concept in Children's Ministry.

Example: Trey decided to changed the LTC scripts and group assignments not because of artistic or Biblical reasons but to receive fewer terse emails from parents.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I'm also prone to "the-way-we-have-always-done-it-ism" but this is harder to pronounce, maybe it should be TWWHADI... "Twwhadi" pronounced "Twha-dee.

Example: Trey pulled a Twwhadi when he organized an Easter Egg hunt even though it has been poorly attended the past few years because they've always had an Easter egg hunt.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

And now some brief ones:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Addicts - This is what I call people who congregate around the coffee pot.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Deacon - Elder in Training, kind of like the Cub Scouts.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Eschatology - The study of whether or not to install an escalator in the church.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sacred - The pew you've sat in for 30 years that some visitor is rudely occupying.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Next Year - Never. (Example: I'll volunteer next year.)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Raise hands - 1) To lift up hands. 2) In a hymn: To place hands on lap.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dance - 1) To move joyously. 2) In a hymn: To sit.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Birdseye - A chance for the song leader to show you who's boss.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Laud - What you say when its really hot in the church. "Laud, its hot in here."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ebenezer - 1) Grouchy miser 2) Stone of Help

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Stone of Help - Nobody knows what this means.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Fetter - A heavy feather, or fatter feather.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Diadem - Part of instructions on how to make a tie-dye shirt. "Step 1, Rubber Bands. Step 2, Diadem."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Emergent Church - A church that is... emerging from something... like a hermit crab...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Postmodern - 1) Younger than 40: A new way of viewing the world and truth. 2) Older than 40: Wrong.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Unpack - A verb used by preachers when they want to make you feel stupid. "We should all be beautiful, benevolent believers... let me unpack that for you. To be beautiful is to be..."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Canon - What they shoot you out of if you try and preach from the end of Mark 8.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hermeneutic - The study of the book of Herman.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sinner - Someone who does the "big sins"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Heresy - Doing, saying or thinking something that isn't Twwhadi.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Change - 1) What kids give to contribution. 2) There is no other acceptable definition other than 1.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hallelujah - What you say when church is over.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ok, end of list. Again, I want to remind you this list is meant to be humorous... perhaps I should follow the "Theology of Least Resistance" and delete this post...

47406

Words that start with Q

Quail
Quiet
Quit
Quite
Que
Quiz
Quack
Quad
Quest
Question
Quid
Quality
Quark
Queen
and
Quoz

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Spoonerisms.

If the title was too criptic I went to Scarborough Fair this weekend.

To facilitate things I've provided a link to what a Spoonerism is. Basically its mixing up consonants in a word. So "Beautiful Juliet" becomes "Jeautiful Buliet." Be careful about "Handsome Romeo." A man told the entire R&J story in spoonerisms so fast it made the mind woble violently... or should I say Voble Wiolently?

A good time was had by all. It was G's B-Day. And it turns out if you tell actors at a Renaissance Fair it's your B-Day you get all kinds of grief. Including a water balloon to the face.

Why don't more places serve Turkey legs and Sausage on a Stick? I think the church could do a brisk business if they sold them during class.

I enjoy going to be the "normal guy" somewhere finally.

Graham said I was shy, no its just rare that I don't have to be "on." So I sit back and let someone entertain me for a change. Also, I'm often concentrating so I can steal their material for later use.

Favorite acts: Zilch the Torn Steller (spoonerism-man) and the Turtle Race. (The turtle race is 1/2 hour long but is mostly announcing the competitors, placing wagers, and booing the 'villain-turtle' Bertrude Lump or was it Ferdinand Dump. It doesn't matter I was cheering for Ivan the Terrapin and "El Nino".)

My First Blog

I've caved, I'm weak, the peer pressure was too much, therefore... I blog. I think therefore blog. Vini. Vidi. Blogi. = I came. I saw. I blogged.

_

The word blog is fun isn't it. It reminds me of Smurf. (Not "The S.m.u.r.f.s" from Saturn Road.) In the old cartoon they'd just say smurf all the time. It could be a noun, an adjective, a prepositional gerand... they didn't care... they just said 'Smurf'. Here is a common conversation:

Grumpy: Enjoying your Smurf-stew.
Smarty: Sure! It's smurftastic.
(Enter Smurfette)
Smurfette: Hello boys, hope you're having a Smurflicious day.
(Exit Smurfette)
Grumpy: She sure is Smurfy.
Smarty: You can smurf that again.
(Enter Granpa)
Granpa: Get back to work you two Smurfing Smurfs.
Grumpy: You're not the smurf of me! I'm my own smurf.
Smarty: Ah-SMURF!
Granpa: Gesundheit and Smurf bless you.

And now we have the word Blog. (It and muggle were recendly added to the OED.)

Well hope you found that bloggy, not blogastrophic,

Trey

Ps. Here is a link to my webpage www.starkidzonline.org (TYPO FIXED)