Tuesday, February 24, 2009

So they called an ambulance for me.

The tale of a power lunch gone wrong.

I took my lunch hour at 1pm today. I had to get a bite to eat and mail a few wedding invites.

I drove thru McDs and munched on my way to the post office. I decided to park in the shade and eat my lunch. I was listening to the radio and drifted calmly off to sleep. (Car was safely in park.)

I probably slept for 20 minutes and would have slept for longer had not sirens woke me up! There was an ambulance and a firetruck blazing towards my location.

I looked around for smoke but didn't see any. Then both vehicles stopped right in front and beside me. I sat up and took a nerve steadying drink of Diet Coke and rolled down the windows. The fireman spoke first.

"Just taking a nap?"

"I guess I am."

"You live around here?"

"Yes, and I work over at the Church."

"Ok."

"Sorry to get you guys out."

"Don't worry about it." He turns to the truck. "HE WAS JUST TAKING A NAP!"

Then the firemen laugh at me.



I don't want to blame this all on wedding tiredness, I think I may also be sick. But, I won't park in front of that old guys house again if I need to take a nap.

47222

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Thursday, February 19, 2009

Trey's Game Show "$100 Challenge"

1,000 Volunteer competitors each bring a $100 bill with them to the game show. This $100,000 becomes the prize for the sole winner of the game. The rounds will stretch over multiple hour long programs, I'd guess each "$100 Challenge" will take 4 shows to go through all 7 rounds.

You either win it all or you go home with nothing!

Round 1 - 1,000 Competitors - "Wheel of Destiny" -

The 1,000 competitors are divided into two groups. Red and Green. Then a giant wheel of destiny spins with dozens of red and green spaces.

Whichever color comes up gets eliminated in a humorous and embarrassing way. For example: A bunch of manure or slime is dropped on them, they are bungee shot upwards, the floor falls out from underneath them, a fire truck hose sprays them, etc.

Round 2 - 500 Competitors - "Test of Skill"

The 500 Competitors race to be the first 100 to complete a novel and brief test of skill. For example they race in sets of 100 threw a mud pit, they are thrown into a giant ball pit and where there are only 100 red balls, they are each handcuffed to a weight and the first 100 to find the correct key in a room of keys wins, etc.

Round 3 - 100 Competitors - "Test of Intellect"

A cognitive challenge. Trivia is blasted at them quickly! They have 4 minutes to answer 20 multiple choice trivia questions, no changing of answers allowed. Questions will randomly be hard and easy, they have to answer quickly and I assume most won't have time to read them all. The top 50 move on!


Round 4 - 50 Competitors - "Face off!"

Competitors are randomly paired off in 1-on-1 challenges, half are eliminated. These can be any physical or cognitive challenge that can go 1-on-1 for example: tug of war over slime, giant q-tip battle, log roll, nerf bow and arrow battle, high card draw, checkers, etc.

Round 4 - 25 Competitors - "Test of Will"

An endurance challenge, where the number is taken down to 10! Examples: Must keep their arms above their head, must stand on small platforms, hang on a trapeze over various unsavory things, etc.

Round 5 - 10 Competitors - Rando Roundo!

A random challenge to reduce competitors to 2 like: Hot dog eating, moving eggs with spoons, putting out a fire with a hand pumped hose, run thru a maze, etc.

Round 6 - 4 Competitors - 4 Quadrant Cut Throat

Each player is standing on a quadrant of a platform with 9 light up tiles. When all 9 lights go out their platform drops. Competitors earn the opportunity to knock out their opponents tiles via trivia, games of chance and skill.

I foresee weaker contestants trying to knock out stronger ones before the gauntlet.

Round 7 - 2 Competitors - Final Round - The $100 Challenge Gauntlet

The final show down. I think this round will me the same insane challenge each time. A side by side obstacle course!
  • They must run up a stair then down a slide into a ball pit. There they must find the right 3 colors to "unlock" a door. (The door with have 3 baskets of different colors that must be matched by tossing in a ball from the ball pit of the appropriate color.)
  • Then they must answer a true/false cognitive question. If they get it right they move on. If they don't they have to run a penalty lap in a hamster wheel.
  • Then over a balance beam (if they fall they have to return to the beginning of the beam).
  • Then under a waterfall.
  • Then up a ramp while you are all slippery.
  • Then use your key to open one of 10 locked cases. (Another trivia challenge.) When it is open there is a zipline handle inside. Clip on and slide to victory!

Each contestant secretly keys into a computer how much of their theoretical $100,000 they will wager if they win (in increments of $10,000) before the race. Whoever wagers the most gets a 1 second head start for ever $10,000 more they wager. Wager the same and they start simultaneously.

Then to the Wager Wall! 101 Bouncy balls have been prepared with different wager result. 40 are blue "Keep it" balls, 30 are red "$100" balls, 10 are black "loose it" balls, 10 silver "x2" balls, 10 gold "x4" balls and 1 white "x10" ball.

Winner of the gauntlet is placed in front an slope funneling to the a hole in the wager wall! They are given a baseball glove and a broom (and perhaps different random tools each time). Then all 101 balls are released at the top. The contestant (who can't pass a line 5 feet from the hole in the wall) must defend his wager by blocking black and red balls and letting good balls through until one enters the wager wall!

The contestant may leave with $1 million or their original $100 or nothing if they risked it all.

Would you risk $100 for a chance at $100,000 or $1,000,000? Did I mention that the end of each season is a "Million Dollar Challenge" the 20 season winners vie for a $1 Million Dollar Prize and another chance to multiply it to $10 Million!

I want to keep all the "physical" challenges simple so that average Joes and Janes can win.

What you need:
A Host - Me! (BTW if the contestants loose the money it becomes mine, kind of like "Win Ben Steins Money")
A Place to Compete - Some kind of large warehouse/sound stage with access to an Olympic size pool or the ocean.
No Prize Money - The original $100,000 is supplied by the contestants. The wheel of fortune at the end might cause some expenditure but its just as likely they'll end up loosing it all.

47132

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Monday, February 16, 2009

My First Wedding Shower

1st - I'm engaged if you hadn't pieced that together yet.

So I went to our first wedding shower and stayed the whole time. I started to get nervous about attending because people kept asking me if I had to stay the shower and when I said I was planning on it they acted surprised! "Really, you're staying?"

What did they have in store for me? Would I be the object of ridicule? Will I be crying with boredom? Would I be blindfolded for any reason? Was there some kind of wheel of destiny I'd have to spin?

Turns out nothing bad really happens, nor was it boring really. I just smiled and thanked people a lot. I think I've discovered why this shower wasn't so bad, two words "come and go"... three words if you count the "and"... and you probably should without its just "come go" which doesn't imply time for cake.

Basically people streamed in and put their gift down. The gift conveyor belt moved them towards Sara who opened them. The people got cake, as did I, and we opened gifts. I spent most of my time talking to Sara's mom and sister. After a person's gift was opened and their cake devoured they often gave us best wishes and left and new people came in to start the cycle over.

The weird thing about all these gifts is there were mostly better versions of junk I already had. Even though I had registered for them, I felt like the gifts were implying I had no silverware, plates or cooking implements whatsoever.

So whenever Sara would open something I'd say:
"Wow, plates! Now we don't have to eat off the table!"
"Wow, cookie sheets, now the dough won't fall through the grate and onto the oven floor."
"Wow, serving utensils, now Sara won't have to bring me food cupped in her hands."
"Wow, a blender, now my shakes won't be so lumpy."
"Wow, spoons, eating soup is going to be much easier!"
and so forth.

Parting words for Men
* If its "come and go" I think its ok for you to go to it... if invited.
* Also, don't try to be helpful by throwing away bows, they keep those.

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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Joey goes to India

My friend Joey left today for 2 weeks to do missionary efforts in India.

This idea has tickled me from the start and when I say, "Joey goes to India" I am reminded of famous movies like "Ernest goes to Camp."

If he follows in the footsteps of Ernest here's what will transpire in India.

Day 1: Arrive Jet lagged and confused about what day it is.
Day 2: Ask about where the real food it.
Day 3: Have his wallet stolen by street children.
Day 4: Blow off work to watch Indian "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire!" on TV.
Day 5: Secretly eats beef jerky in his room.
Day 6: Tries to shake Shiva's hand.
Day 7: Offends a cow.
Day 8: Gets lost.
Day 9: Still lost.
Day 10: Joey recovered by team in a complicated underground gambling ring. Joey say, "I thought it was dominoes"
Day 11: Joey sleeps.
Day 12: Joey find out that Muslims and Hindu's aren't "6 of one, half a dozen of the other."
Day 13: Joey steals a passport to get home.
Day 14: Joey boards wrong plane to Afghanistan to film the sequel, "Joey's Journey 2: Afghans aren't just blankets anymore."

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