There are levels of sleepiness and different skills used to stay alert.
Level (example if any) - Skill used to stay awake.
1. Yawny (Pervasive yawn, perhaps spawned from watching someone else yawn which may not indicate you are sleepy at all) - Cure: Put fist in front of yawn to keep soul from escaping.
2. Blah (That minute level of tiredness that doesn't qualify as a symptom, just a little blah) - Cure: Gently shake head
3. Listless (Loss of your ability to list, as you can see I am not currently affected.) - Cure: Stand up. Walk around office
4. Drowsy (You find your eyes have been closed for 5 seconds) - Cure: Stand up walk to coffee maker
5. Sluggish (you move slowly and leave trails of slime) - Eat something salty (salt kills slugs)
6. Tuckered out (Kids only; after a long day at the fair) - Cure: Red Dye #5
7. Torpid (Lazy feeling like you blood is heavy) - Cure: Splash Cool Water in your Face
8. Drained (Lack of energy, hollow feeling) - Cure: Red Bull
9. Lethargic (Movements seem to happen slowly, you tell your legs to move and they are disobedient the first time) - Cure: Force yourself to dance a jig or cotton eye joe for 30 seconds.
10. Tired (That feeling your get 45 minutes before work is over, its too long away to get a "works-done-rush") - Cure: Wait 45 minutes
11. Droopy (Eyes 1/4 closed, could fall asleep if you lean back) - Cure: Slap self in face.
12. Leaden (arms and legs feel twice their normal weight, too tired to slap yourself in the face) - Cure: Slap someone else in the face. What a rush!
13. Sleepy (Sleepy when you can't be sleeping. The definitive feeling of sleepiness.) Cure: Walk around a little bit then get a cup of hot coffee, this time with cream and sugar. Go to restroom and put stopper on sink. Splash face with hot coffee. It will be burning and sticky. Wash face with cool water. Drink what is in stoppered sink. Fight need to vomit. By now you are wide awake!
14. Dozy (You take little naps accidentally making sermons difficult to comprehend.) - Cure: Look up all the verses in your bible about naughty stuff. Giggle uncontrollably.
15. Heavy-eyed (Eyes 2/3s closed, makes driving tricky) - Cure: While driving run onto that noisy thing on the side of the highway. Briefly freak out! Open window to freezing air and sing along to all Rush mix tape.
16. Somnolent (Body feels like it has become one with your la-z-boi recliner after a large turkey lunch, while the heat is on and the TV volume is kind of low and the football game doesn't start for an hour.) - Cure: Don't fight it. Sleep until the football game.
17. Soporific (Complete lack of energy, will power, and get-up-and-go) - Cure: Attack jumper cables to car battery then one to your left pinkie tow and right ear.
18. Narcoleptic (disease known for random attacks of sleep at odd times) - Cure: Partially manageable by medication. Caution: Do not eat soup with this disease unless you tie you head to the chair so you won't drown.
19. Comatose (Brain shows signs of life but no consciousness for a decade) - Cure: A loved one holds you hand and cries saying, "If you can hear me squeeze my hand." You don't squeeze but try to. Later that week you wake up when your loved one has been pulled away from you beside for the first time in a decade. You assume she's moved on when you see her silhouette hugging your brother in the window. In reality, she is crying on his shoulder about how she'll always love you. You don't find this out until after you've started a new life in a small town working in a roadside diner. They deserve to be happy and you'll just be in the way. She spends months looking for you when you turn up missing from the hospital. A year later, during a thunderstorm, you help a car struck by lightning. Pulling out a young boy and a woman who turns out to be your wife. The kid is your son that you didn't even know you had.
20. Dead (You will never be awake again) - Cure: Expensive Voodoo ceremony or be son of Deity.
Labels: Advice, Lists, Medicine, Ramblings
