An Open Letter of Apology

An Open Letter of Apology


To whom it may concern (which likely includes most of my friends, former teachers, waiters and waitresses, people who've sat around me at the movies, numerous funeral attendees, church patrons, librarians, roommates and museum goers):

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things, but I'm specifically sorry for BEING SO LOUD!

See, there I go again. I'm trying to do better. Until recently I didn't know how to whisper. That's right, I was 29 before I learned how to whisper.

The problem is my hearing isn't very good and when I whisper I can't hear myself. So in the past I'd "whisper" where I could just barely hear myself and it turns out that is louder than a standard whisper.

But this also means I really can't hear you when you whisper unless you lips are almost touching my ear. I didn't like leaning over like this so for the last 20 years if you've ever whispered to me I have not heard you. So if you whispered to me I'd just nod at you even though I couldn't hear you. I might have agreed to do things that I never heard. I would try to read your lips but I'm not very good. Again, sorry.

Also, I don't see the need to whisper. If I've got something witty or wry to say why shouldn't everyone enjoy? For this I will make no apology. I'll just try to actually whisper and have faith that you can hear me. If you can't hear me, just smile and nod at me. It works most of the time.

In conclusion if I've blurted during your movie, gabbed to loud at a neighboring table at lunch, cut up during class, commented during church, waxed nostalgic while you were trying to enjoy a painting or yelled into my cell phone while you tried to sleep next door...

I'M SORRY!

Yes, I ran out of Gas

Har Dee Har Har! Yes, it's a laugh riot. What a buffoon. What a stooge.

Of course, my humiliation was made complete in that Luke was a witness to my folly. In fact, about ten minutes previous he said, "Hey, we're on E."

And I said, "Bah! We'll be fine," with an air of hubris!

Ca-chunka! Ca-chunka! And we're stopped in the right hand lane of Miller near Jupiter.

Reaction of other cars: Honk! Honk! Curse! Curse! Honk! Honk! Need help? Honk! Curse! Finger! Honk! Need our cell phone? Honk! Honk!

Those who saw us stop were really angry. Those who came across us later were usually pretty nice.

All in all I spent about 12 hours in a U-Haul yesterday. I went to Fort Worth for Bricks, Dallas for Lighting and N.Garland for Shirts.