An Open Letter of Apology

An Open Letter of Apology


To whom it may concern (which likely includes most of my friends, former teachers, waiters and waitresses, people who've sat around me at the movies, numerous funeral attendees, church patrons, librarians, roommates and museum goers):

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things, but I'm specifically sorry for BEING SO LOUD!

See, there I go again. I'm trying to do better. Until recently I didn't know how to whisper. That's right, I was 29 before I learned how to whisper.

The problem is my hearing isn't very good and when I whisper I can't hear myself. So in the past I'd "whisper" where I could just barely hear myself and it turns out that is louder than a standard whisper.

But this also means I really can't hear you when you whisper unless you lips are almost touching my ear. I didn't like leaning over like this so for the last 20 years if you've ever whispered to me I have not heard you. So if you whispered to me I'd just nod at you even though I couldn't hear you. I might have agreed to do things that I never heard. I would try to read your lips but I'm not very good. Again, sorry.

Also, I don't see the need to whisper. If I've got something witty or wry to say why shouldn't everyone enjoy? For this I will make no apology. I'll just try to actually whisper and have faith that you can hear me. If you can't hear me, just smile and nod at me. It works most of the time.

In conclusion if I've blurted during your movie, gabbed to loud at a neighboring table at lunch, cut up during class, commented during church, waxed nostalgic while you were trying to enjoy a painting or yelled into my cell phone while you tried to sleep next door...

I'M SORRY!