Highly Caffinated Personality Genius am I
Step aside phrenology, Stamford-Benet, tea leaves and Myers-Brigs for a new day has dawned in the field of personality assessment. I have honed my ability to profile people based solely one one defining trait. Equal parts psychology and psychic reading I introduce:
Trey's Starbucks Profiling
I can tell everything I need to about a person based on their Starbucks order. Just let me look at what's written on the heat sleeve and I've got you pegged. Thus the reason most of my 1st dates are at Starbucks. (Also meeting at Starbucks gives you a chance to emergency eject after only 30 minutes.)
What's your drink?
Like "Chai?" You're old.
Like White Chocolate? You're a racist.
I don't want to give away too much to make you self-conscious because I want to put my skills to the test! Read on, McDuff!
A certain young lady told me here favorite Starbucks drink was a Mocha Frap with a shot of Afogatto. This exotic drink order told me she's a people pleaser, with a high self concept who liked to spoil herself sometimes. I'd be willing to bet she bumps above the "basic" manicure and spend those 5 extra bucks to pamper herself. The only thing she didn't tell me in here drink order was size (tall, grande, vente.)
THE CHALLANGE
Post an Anonymous comment with your Starbucks drink order including size and I'll provide a profile. I do ask you let me know if you are Male or Female as this could turn an energetic woman's drink into a fruity man's drink.
Try not to be self-conscious just tell me you "usual" drink. Come back in a day or so and I'll have your profile posted as a comment.
Labels: Most Commented On Posts, Psychology, Theories
posted by Trey Laminack @ 2:22 PM
44 comments
44 Comments:
tall vanille latte
Your forgot to mention your gender. But "tall vanille latte" feels like a female order.
So here you go: "You are a girl of conservative dress and values. You like things that you've always liked and are unlikely to switch to a double black espresso. You take enjoyment in the small comforting reliable things of life, like the idea that the newspaper will be there every morning, but you don't take the newspaper, you just like the idea of it always being there."
If you are a boy, I'm sorry.
It works! Trey can "read" a person based on your Starbucks order. I am the Mocha Frapp w/ Afogatto drinking woman mentioned above... and he is right. I do have the tendency to be a people pleaser, no matter how hard I try not to be... and I do like to spoil myself at times. I strongly encourage others to put him to the test! How good is he really?
Female - Tall Caramel Macchiato with whipped cream
replaced in wintertime with Tall Pumpkin Spice Latte
Grande Mocha-Male
Dear Tall Caramel Mach with Whipped Cream/Tall Pumpkin Spice Latte
Your profile: "You are a secret keeper. People seek you out to tell you their secrets (and sometimes other people's), and thus you've become jaded about gossip wishing for more honesty between friends. You crave sunlight, open spaces and fresh air and would regret being indoors during the summer. Leaves changing colors pleases you in a primordial way that if you try to explain it to your friends makes you feel like a freak. You like the changing seasons, think 'bouquet of sharpened pencils.' etc."
Dear Grande Mocha Male
What can just these three tacit words tell me?
Your profile: "You are a man who is resolving his past, but you tried to forget it first. Neither a slave to trends nor openly rebellious to your culture. You seek to balance your expenses but value time more and thus will spend the money to save the time. When enough is enough you have learned to let it go."
This profile assumes no added cream or sugar.
Chocolate Chip Blended Creme/ Winter time:Carmel Apple Cider
Female
Female: Grande Iced Coffee, unsweetened with room for cream
Except at Christmas: Tall Gingerbread Latte
female--hot chocolate
Male; Morning order: grande hot chai or tea, no special flavors(with a blueberry scone); winter morning: carmel spiced tea; afternoon order: venti mocha double shot (iced in summer).
Now for the real test - can you match the people to their drinks?
Dear Chocolate Chip Blended Creme/ Winter time: Carmel Apple Cider
Female
Finally an easy one.
Profile: "Self-indulgent, opinionated, persuasive to others but masks her self-doubts to others. Friends would be surprised to find out you question your decisions. I'm willing to bet a level of immaturity is still present in her affectations or hobbies."
Dear Female: Grande Iced Coffee, unsweetened with room for cream/
Except at Christmas: Tall Gingerbread Latte
As always, remember the profile is not judgement it is just who you are.
Profile: "An Iced Latte usually tells me reluctant conformist. And if you add cream but not sugar that doubles that up. You probably tried open nonconformity in the past but have since found yourself happier following the path of least resistance. You'll follow the road others take but want to put your spin on it, carve out a nook of individuality. Of course this profile is confused by the switch to gingerbread... perhaps your job forces you to conform to some social standards and you find it fulfilling enough to go through the motions but inside you consider yourself a rebel, but a rebel who shops at the Gap like everybody else."
Dear female--hot chocolate ,
Profile: "If things don't come easily to you then you don't do them. Fortunately a lot of things do come easy to you and you find it comfortable to rest on your talent instead of stretching out. There is no need to fear rejection because if you fail you didn't really put your all into it. You probably got tired of hearing as a kid about your 'potential.' You fear if you try you hardest what failure might do to you, but you want to fulfill your potential."
Dear Male; Morning order: grande hot chai or tea, no special flavors(with a blueberry scone); winter morning: carmel spiced tea; afternoon order: venti mocha double shot (iced in summer).
And the winner of longest drink order goes to...
Profile: "I already said chai makes you old didn't I. But the complexity and specificity of this order screams "I'M A BABY BOOMER! LET THE WORLD CONFORM TO ME!" Of course people have this attitude even if they aren't boomers. Also the profound caffeine addiction suggests a working-man-white-colar type, but you probably think of your bosses this way, you'er just an average joe. All the tea is interesting... combined with the other elements of this profile I'd say you never order the same thing as someone else at a restaraunt and your have two children, a boy and a girl."
And Lastly Dear Anonymous who wants me to put names to profiles. I haven't thought about it from that way. But I'd rather not try. I think the profiles stand alone and may have revealed aspects about your personality to me that I wouldn't otherwise already know. If I've profiled you I'd enjoy it if you came clean with your order and how shocked you were by the accuracy of your profile.
tall black coffe
female
free office coffee with powdered creamer
free office coffee with powdered creamer,
sorry,female
Dear Tall Black Coffee Female,
Such an order falls into one of three profile groups:
1) Wanna-be-nonconformist - You are a poser non-conformist, meaning you want everyone to believe you're unique and special but you don't really know how to do that. True non-conformists drink Cafe Americano with 2 sugars.
2) A person afraid of change. Usually older, usually in a position of subservience in other areas of her life.
3) A person who doesn't go to starbucks and just drink regular good old coffee from home or the office. The cultural significance of starbucks is lost on them and they like it that way.
Basically I think someone who orders tall (smallest possible) black coffee (no optionals) at Starbucks (a place for large exotic choices) are either the scum of the earth or horribly misguided.
It's also possible this drink was submitted just to see what my reaction would be to this innane drink. If this is you stay home and brew your own.
Haha...I was both the "Caramel Macchiato/Pumpkin Spice Latte" and the "Why don't you match drinks to friends" challenger. Very nice, decently impressed with your personality-deriving skills. :)
Dear Free office coffee with powdered stuff,
Your profile will be next to impossible because you lack
1) Understanding of the cultural significance of Starbucks
2) Are therefore wisely frugal enough not to spend $4 on 25 cents of coffee. (Starbucks regulars know you pay for the experience not the coffee.)
3) Aren't adequately addicted to the caffiene and social interaction that starbucks provides.
But here is your profile of sorts: "You are not a trendy person. In fact if you try and get into a trend it is already past. You may just now be using words like "bling bling" unbeknownst to you nobody says that anymore. But God bless you, you don't need those silly trends, you've lived above their influence for decades, no reason to start now."
You probably only go to starbucks if you have gift card.
For the record profiles are only accurate if you actually order something from Starbucks. Not just what you might order if you ever went there. If you don't go there, you don't really fall under the pervue of this system.
Hey Em! So how good was the profile? As I look at it again, I said you are a secret keeper - I think this is true of you.
How close am I about the changing of the seasons?
Did you immeadiately get my "bouquet of sharpened pencils" reference?
caffe Americano, 2creams,1sugar in cold weather: frappachino in hot weather
female
Vente Caramel Macchiato with Whipped Cream (Stirred) with an added shot of espresso, lots of cream, lots of sugar. Male.
I was the "Grande Iced Coffee, unsweetened with room for cream; Except at Christmas: Tall Gingerbread Latte."
Not sure my profile was completely accurate but maybe...but this was entertaining.
Although, you said mine was for an Iced LATTE...and I said Iced COFFEE. Does this change things or was that just a typo? :)
And 22 comments?!?
Female: Grande Non-fat, sugar-free cinnamon dolce latte, light whip. Except for the holidays: Grande non-fat gingerbread latte with white-chocolate mocha.
mmmmm
I didn't post mine because I saw that you already had a "female hot chocolate". Eh, I don't find myself to be someone to sit on my talent and not reach my potential, but that's MY view of myself. This was very interesting. Maybe on Saturday, I'll read all of this instead of skim, I'm tired, lazy, and I don't fulfill my potential.
Trey - this is hilarious, here goes... female Grande Nonfat Cinnamon Dolce Latte with whip
Dear "caffe Americano, 2creams,1sugar in cold weather: frappachino in hot weather"
Again, no gender given... hmmm... makes profile more ambiguous.
Profile: "A true coffe lover, this drink combo suggests a yearning for deeper social interactions and less superficiality. Never one to let friends linger in the acquaintance zone, they are either in or out!"
Dear "Vente Caramel Macchiato with Whipped Cream (Stirred) with an added shot of espresso, lots of cream, lots of sugar. Male. "
Profile: "You are the alpha male: equal parts Casanova, Batman, Einstein and Patton. Women want to be with you and men want to be you. Failure is not an option and fear is not in your covabulary. This is the coffee drink of Chuck Norris, Genghis Khan and Jesus Christ."
Ashley - oops my bad on the typo and it would change your profile but now that I know its you I don't trust myself to be unbiased.
Dear Female: Grande Non-fat, sugar-free cinnamon dolce latte, light whip. Except for the holidays: Grande non-fat gingerbread latte with white-chocolate mocha. mmmmm
Profile: "You are non-judgement about your friends but hard on yourself. Possible negative body image, which is likely unwarrented, liklely due to body changes due to multiple births. Your drink order is beautiful and classy and you probably are too."
Lindsey you said "Eh, I don't find myself to be someone to sit on my talent and not reach my potential, but that's MY view of myself."
So your saying what? Its not true but it is true. If that's how you view yourself thats as true as it gets! Perception is reality. This is also true of self-perception.
Dear female Grande Nonfat Cinnamon Dolce Latte with whip
Profile: "Your profile can be summed up in three words: Go go go! Why stop when you go? Why sleep when you could go? Why consider what you say when you can just blurt it out? If you were to slow down you would have to consider your past. Like a shark, if you stop moving you'll drown.
That may be the nicest thing you have ever said to me. Of course you didn't know it was me.
Grande Non-fat, sugar-free cinnamon dolce latte, light whip. Except for the holidays: Grande non-fat gingerbread latte with white-chocolate mocha.
Sista-Sista
I am the tall balck coffee and apparently "the scum of the earth"
Stacey! I knew it was a mother of multiple kids, I could feel it! And you are a beautiful and classy lady.
Mags - Sorry, I thought your might be a hoax but I do think people who order tall black coffee from starbucks are the skum of the earth. Are you a starbucks regular? I could choose something more in keeping with your personality...
Maggie, darling, all you have to do is dip your pinky finger in your coffee to make it sweet as pie.
However, I'm going to try a Venti Non-Fat Toffee Nut Double Espresso with Whip Latte extra hot.
lindsey, i'm a "female hot chocolate" drinker also. let's hang out this weekend and not live up to our potential together -- slackers rule!!
no trey I do not go to starbucks unless I am with my husband, the Grande Mocha. Evne then usually only he gets something but if I am forced to have something I have the plain coffe. Everything has milk and I am alergic, you know! :)
Green Tea Frap. Size varies. Female.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Venti, spiced, hot tea. I add skim milk and splenda - Female.
Grande Decaf Nonfat Caramel White Chocolate Mocha with whip--female
Why do I have a feeling "high maintainance" is going to be in the profile?
I am a female who drinks a venti hot chocolate
Female;tall strawberry blended lemonade with one pump raspberry, one pump melon
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