NWA: National Whuppin Association
About a year ago Gary Bing and I created a new National Organization. We swore each other in to make it official. From now on, one of us must swear in new members. We are the NWA. We're getting badges and sweatshirts printed up. What is the NWA?
National Whuppin Association!
We have mandate from Government and Heaven to spank other people's children in public. Why? Because people don't seem to have the gumption to do it themselves.
The purpose is two fold:
1) Provide discipline to children.
2) Provide shame to parents. Although we won't spank an adult over 25 we do hope the shame of us getting involved will spur them to take task 1 into their own hands. Also we'll be fining them the cost of a new leather belt every time we spank someone.
I think moms will like this. Now if their kids are actions up they can say, "Be quiet you never know when an undercover NWA member might be eating in this restaurant." And their kids will have to be quiet because we mean business and we don't count or nothing. "Please sit down. 1.... 2... 2 and a half..." Nope if we say sit, we mean now!
Here is a Hypothetical Scene:
Special Enforcer Laminack is quietly eating his Moons over my Hammy at Denny's. When in the booth behind him the kids seem to be playing what can only be described as a game of "Let's see who can scream the loudest while kicking the booth jamboree." Special Enforcer Laminack provides the law mandated warnings. One, the heavy sigh and the shake of the head while facing forward. No effect. Two, the look over the shoulder, with raised eye brow. No effect. They've been warned.
S.E. Laminack stands up and shows his badge. "Sorry ma'am. S.E. Laminack of the NWA. I'll be starting with the oldest one." The sound of leather clearing belt loops causes the kids to quickly sit and put on church faces, but its too late. The mom only smiles and says, "I warned them."
The mayhem begins.
I'm now accepting applications to swear in others into the NWA. Even if you aren't sworn in you can still give the two standard warning to try and quiet the kids.
posted by Trey Laminack @ 1:02 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Do you take on mouthy teenagers? On any given day there is at least one, and often two, around here.
Principals in the 60's were still allowed in the NWA. Today you would probably have a lawsuit whupped on you. So sorry, good idea but litigation awaits.
When K-Mart left Texas a lot of the need for NWA went with it. The howling of dis-regarded tiny hooligans waiting in check out lines was a bonanza for NWA S.E.'s
You can't sue the NWA! It's mandated by the Government and Heaven! If you try we'll just counter sue for $1 Million Dollars or 1000 Whuppin's delivered at random anytime for the rest of your life.
But if a democrat gets in office and repeals our Governmental authority we'll become the Guerilla Whuppin Association and operate outside the law!
I think N.W.A. might take offense, and NOBODY wants to mess with N.W.A. (except Dynamite Hack, but that was actually admiration, wasn't it?).
Oh, and K-Mart used to be the place we went to watch kids getting beaten by their horrible parents and grandparents, but maybe if the NWA pursued the job, the kids would get a more reasonable beating than the one Grandma administers with her cane.
I wanna play in the NWA. Every time I'm at WalMart (no better than K-Mart, Hmm, maybe it's the word "Mart"), I ruminate along similar lines. I think there ought to be a financial bonus to any NWA member who gets to, say, 500 whuppin's in a year. ;-)
Post a Comment
<< Home