Packing instructions

I'll be going to two conferences this month. One in FW and the other in Orlando. Therefore here is my advice for packing:

1) Buy new socks. A six-pack of new socks is just what the doctor ordered. They are guarenteed clean and already packed in plastic.

2) Make sure you bring your A Game Underpants... or as I call them. Your "Show Underwear." I'm not saying you have to throw away your holy underwear (far from it, that stuff can breath). No I'm saying if you have a roommate at a conference or if you die in a horrific plane crash you'll want to be wear clean X-Men's Wolverine Underwear!

3) Plan for the unplannable. Bring a flame thrower, cloneing device and foreign currency if you have it.

4) Put big stuff in the suitcase first. Blue jeans always form a nice base.

5) Pack too much stuff. If you'll be gone 3 days bring enough for a week. If a week, pack for a fortnight.

6) Never let someone else pack your bag or leave it unattended, there will be a quiz later.

7) Leave stuff in the dry cleaning bags as long as possible. It's like breaking a $20. Once you break the seal its gone!

8) Instead of packing 13 different kinds of vitamins just collect all the ones you'll need in a large unmarked brown pill bottle or in a ziplock baggy all jumbled up. The airport security will enjoy the dazzling display of color and unlabeled pills.

9) Never pack toothpaste. Just hit up the Hotel for free stuff. I always get free toothpaste, brush, sewing kit, and showercap for every day of my stay. Also, use the entire bottle of conditioner, they'll bring more and it feels aweseome!

10) Music.

11) Carry-one essentials: Chapstick, 3 oz of some liquid, comb, portable video-game, magazine, Bible (in case of crash or emergency sermon), pens, pencils, sudoku/crosswords, tobasco sauce, a Koran (to scare your neighbor on the plane), and gum for ear popping.

12) Other Carry On Items in case the plane crashed and you have survive: Flint (you can't take a knife on board but bringing a rock onboard is ok, combine this with some wreckage to get a spark going.) For that matter can you bring a lighter and matches? Probably, so do it. String (1 million uses). Iodine pills to purify water. Protean bars. Signal mirror. Emergency blanket. A Book Titled: "How to Survive Anywhere with only a flint, a lighter, string, iodine, protean bars, a signal mirror, an emergency blanket and thie book."