"If I was: an astronaut"

If you are like me you are 6’ tall and named Trey.

Also, if you are like me you wanted to be an astronaut as a kid. I thought about it a lot. You probably did too. Being weightless, the effects of zero-g on projectile vomiting, and how do you sleep in space?

Well, like most kids you probably never did anything about it. You just dreamed and sat on the couch. But not me! When I turned 18 I drove down to Houston and walking into the NASA building.

The receptionist said, “Welcome to NASA, how may I help you?”
I said, “I’d like to be an astronaut.”
She smiled and said, “Lots of people want to be astronauts. Why should we choose you?”
So… I stood on my head and drank a glass of tang.

Sadly, this did not impress her and I never became an astronaut.
But if I was here is what I’d do. First, I’d spend an hour or so floating and spinning. Then after spinning I’d probably throw up. Then I’d say the Space Monkey blew chunks and make him clean it up.

Then I’d probably be tired and try to take a space nap. I’m always hungry when I wake up so I’ll eat all the Space Monkey’s banana’s because, lets be honest, what’s he going to do about it?
Then right before we land I’ll call in and say, “Houston… we have a problem!” and hit a few panic buttons. Because I think those stressed out NASA guys would appreciate a good laugh.


ps. I'm 6' tall at 7am and 5'11'' at 10pm, but I think in a zero-G environment this wouldn't happen.