The Lesser Olympics
Everyone knows the summer games are the Greater Olympics. Why? Because they contain a
higher percentage of real sports.
JenR and I got into a heated argument because she couldn't admit Figure Skating is not a sport. She tried to form a logical argument but sadly fell short. She lost her logical edge when she admitted under cross that Ice Dancing shouldn't be an Olympic sport. Aha! I expect most little girls think that they'd just love to be a figure skater. But sadly they can't, if you are not a genetic freak.
The IOC has a wacky system about what makes a sport a sport. For them the main thing is there is a nongovernmental worldwide agency or group responsible for it. (Thus no American Football.)
Here is my qualifications for a sport:
1) More than just difficult - I have no doubt that figure skating is difficult. I have no doubt less than 1% of the population can do that junk. But there needs to be more than that. There are other difficult activities that are not sports such as tightrope walking. Tightrope walking could be as Olympic as figure skating. Both are similar. Both pointless. Both made more difficult due to poor selection of footing (ice or rope). If you put tightrope walkers to music, and pretended to have a non-biased scoring system then it would be just as sporty as figure skating.
2) The Survival Rule -Survival of the fittest. I also think things are more likely to be a sport if they serve to reflect Evolutionary Fitness. I know some of you don't want to hear about evolution, just bear with me. If competing in this sport makes you a more fit human animal and increases your survival chances in a primitive world. (By primitive concede the ancient Greeks who founded the games.)
3) Truly Quantitative scoring - True scoring of this type is like the 100m Dash! Fastest time is the winner, no fuss no muss. Some sports have a qualititative element such as Figure skating and sadly snowboard halfpipe (which I do enjoy). Qualitative means some biased human has control of the event. I think some of this will always be necessary but the proportion must be correct. Currently figure skating is 55% qualitative and 45% quantitative (and 55 is bigger than 45 for those of you who don't do math). This means the judges opinions are more important than the actual routines mechanics. This ratio should be 10% qualititative at most!
4) More than just skill - I love chess but it is not a sport. A sport requires a physical element that chess and pinball just don't provide. This is a sacred cow for me because it includes some great games that should not be Olympic games like Darts and tiddlie-winks.
5) Exciting - Ok, this is arbirtrary but it helps me exclude the luge from the list of sports.
There is no perfect set of rules to determine what a sport is, but like the supreme court said about how you draw the line between art and pornography, "I know it when I see it."
Here are the two lists of sports. Bear in mind each sport contains numerous events.
Ok Here is a list of the AWESOME Summer Sports from the IOC website. (Feel free to click the links.)
Aquatics Archery Athletics Badminton
Baseball Basketball Boxing Canoe / kayak
Cycling Equestrian Fencing Football Gymnastics
Handball Hockey Judo Modern Pentathlon
Rowing Sailing Shooting Softball
Table Tennis Taekwondo Tennis Triathlon
Volleyball Weightlifting Wrestling
Did you question any of those? Nope. But get a look at the sad sacks they thrust on us for the winter games.
The Much Shorter List of Winter Sports. I'll give comments and a yes/no vote on if they should be an Olympic sport. (Also with links provided.)
Biathlon- Often overlooked. This is cross country skiing and then target shooting. This is very difficult and I would consider it a sport.
Bobsleigh - Rock on this is a sport. The pushing and working as a team fit the bill nicely. This sport is a sport but I don't like watching it. It's just the exact same 12 camera cuts, then a time is shown. But it is clearly a sport because the fastest time winner.
Curling - Ok this game is more than just skill like darts. It is more like bowling and thus it contains skill and a physical element, therefore it is a sport.
Ice Hockey - No contest, the best winter sport.
Luge - I think this sport should not be a sport. Anything that a person could do just as well with no training is not a sport. Basically those guys just lay there. But more importantly this sport is extremely boring. It would be better if there were forks in the luge path. And they had to do a math problem really fast and choose their answer. So it's like 100 yards from the fork a sign says "24/4 -3 +4 = X" Then the left for said "5" and the right said "7". If you choose wrong you end up being propelled into a brick wall. I'd watch that.
Skating - Ok be careful this one has a few sub-categories. I think speed skating is a sport. But ice dancing and figure skating of all varieties should be banned! Banned not just from the Olympics but from the face of the globe. Let them play in deep space where they be with own kind, freaks.
Skiing - This is pretty clearly all sport. On the edge of this category is moguls and halfpipe. They can stay on if the become more quantitative. The rest of the event is all about time, fastest time, first place, simple.
Yikes that was a long rant! Tomorrow I will vent on V-Day then I'll do some more Olympics stuff later in the week.
higher percentage of real sports.
JenR and I got into a heated argument because she couldn't admit Figure Skating is not a sport. She tried to form a logical argument but sadly fell short. She lost her logical edge when she admitted under cross that Ice Dancing shouldn't be an Olympic sport. Aha! I expect most little girls think that they'd just love to be a figure skater. But sadly they can't, if you are not a genetic freak.
The IOC has a wacky system about what makes a sport a sport. For them the main thing is there is a nongovernmental worldwide agency or group responsible for it. (Thus no American Football.)
Here is my qualifications for a sport:
1) More than just difficult - I have no doubt that figure skating is difficult. I have no doubt less than 1% of the population can do that junk. But there needs to be more than that. There are other difficult activities that are not sports such as tightrope walking. Tightrope walking could be as Olympic as figure skating. Both are similar. Both pointless. Both made more difficult due to poor selection of footing (ice or rope). If you put tightrope walkers to music, and pretended to have a non-biased scoring system then it would be just as sporty as figure skating.
2) The Survival Rule -Survival of the fittest. I also think things are more likely to be a sport if they serve to reflect Evolutionary Fitness. I know some of you don't want to hear about evolution, just bear with me. If competing in this sport makes you a more fit human animal and increases your survival chances in a primitive world. (By primitive concede the ancient Greeks who founded the games.)
3) Truly Quantitative scoring - True scoring of this type is like the 100m Dash! Fastest time is the winner, no fuss no muss. Some sports have a qualititative element such as Figure skating and sadly snowboard halfpipe (which I do enjoy). Qualitative means some biased human has control of the event. I think some of this will always be necessary but the proportion must be correct. Currently figure skating is 55% qualitative and 45% quantitative (and 55 is bigger than 45 for those of you who don't do math). This means the judges opinions are more important than the actual routines mechanics. This ratio should be 10% qualititative at most!
4) More than just skill - I love chess but it is not a sport. A sport requires a physical element that chess and pinball just don't provide. This is a sacred cow for me because it includes some great games that should not be Olympic games like Darts and tiddlie-winks.
5) Exciting - Ok, this is arbirtrary but it helps me exclude the luge from the list of sports.
There is no perfect set of rules to determine what a sport is, but like the supreme court said about how you draw the line between art and pornography, "I know it when I see it."
Here are the two lists of sports. Bear in mind each sport contains numerous events.
Ok Here is a list of the AWESOME Summer Sports from the IOC website. (Feel free to click the links.)
Aquatics Archery Athletics Badminton
Baseball Basketball Boxing Canoe / kayak
Cycling Equestrian Fencing Football Gymnastics
Handball Hockey Judo Modern Pentathlon
Rowing Sailing Shooting Softball
Table Tennis Taekwondo Tennis Triathlon
Volleyball Weightlifting Wrestling
Did you question any of those? Nope. But get a look at the sad sacks they thrust on us for the winter games.
The Much Shorter List of Winter Sports. I'll give comments and a yes/no vote on if they should be an Olympic sport. (Also with links provided.)
Biathlon- Often overlooked. This is cross country skiing and then target shooting. This is very difficult and I would consider it a sport.
Bobsleigh - Rock on this is a sport. The pushing and working as a team fit the bill nicely. This sport is a sport but I don't like watching it. It's just the exact same 12 camera cuts, then a time is shown. But it is clearly a sport because the fastest time winner.
Curling - Ok this game is more than just skill like darts. It is more like bowling and thus it contains skill and a physical element, therefore it is a sport.
Ice Hockey - No contest, the best winter sport.
Luge - I think this sport should not be a sport. Anything that a person could do just as well with no training is not a sport. Basically those guys just lay there. But more importantly this sport is extremely boring. It would be better if there were forks in the luge path. And they had to do a math problem really fast and choose their answer. So it's like 100 yards from the fork a sign says "24/4 -3 +4 = X" Then the left for said "5" and the right said "7". If you choose wrong you end up being propelled into a brick wall. I'd watch that.
Skating - Ok be careful this one has a few sub-categories. I think speed skating is a sport. But ice dancing and figure skating of all varieties should be banned! Banned not just from the Olympics but from the face of the globe. Let them play in deep space where they be with own kind, freaks.
Skiing - This is pretty clearly all sport. On the edge of this category is moguls and halfpipe. They can stay on if the become more quantitative. The rest of the event is all about time, fastest time, first place, simple.
Yikes that was a long rant! Tomorrow I will vent on V-Day then I'll do some more Olympics stuff later in the week.
Labels: Most Commented On Posts, Sports
posted by Trey Laminack @ 10:13 AM
15 comments
15 Comments:
Double True on #3. And lol on your luge idea.
your blog is the reason i look at blogs. you are hilarious!
i have an idea for an additional sport...
it could go during winter or summer olympics!
ELECTRIC FOOTBALL!!!!
www.sportsminis.com
i agree that figure skating is not a sport, but somehow it still sucks me in and i end up watching hours of it during the 3 weeks of the olympics.
You don't like the luge?!?!? Aw man! I think anything that involves the possibility of death could render an "activity" a "sport"...but then that might give credence to the figure skating argument. AND WE DON'T WANNA DO THAT!!!!
Funny stuff, bro!
I disagree, Curling is by far the best thing about the winter Olympics. One day Ryan and I will form the greatest Curling team to ever grace the ice. Right after we learn how.
I don't like anything that involves that much hanging out in the snow. Way too cold! I get cold just watching those loonies out there. That is why I only watch the summer Olympics. (Also, that way I only get 3 weeks of my life sucked away only once every 4 years.)
I vote and for curling as the funniest sport, and in my book that makes it the best. The only good thing about skating is when they fall- and someone always does :)
i still stand by my initial assertion that figure skating is a sport, and i have written a 83 page paper to support this thesis. please feel free to check it out of the saturn road library.
I knew Jennifer M would comment on electric football!
You mentioned Boxing as a sport. Unfortunately that also requires a judging system. Unless a competitor is knocked out, the decision can go either way. I'll never forget the Seoul, Korea Summer Games when the USSR judge was jumping up and down, banging the canvas with his hands while his fighter was getting the stuffing beat out of him by the US boxer. Needless to say, the Russian won on a "split" decision. Not only is it a barbaric sport, since there are judges it should be thrown out. Give me Greco-Roman wrestling instead. A true sport of strength and endurance.
Hey, did you hear about the new figure skating scoring system they put in place this year?? They have made it very quantitative and taken out pretty much all of the possibility of judging bias. How does this affect your "sport or not a sport" rating?
Add this rule:
A Sport Doesn't Need Music Added To It
If there has to be some music on before you can participate, then it ain't music. This eliminates figure skating, the floor excercise, and "cosmic" bowling.
Your idea for luge is genius. I think if you made some of the chessboard squares electrified you'd be closer to making chess a sport.
And for pool, you could cover half of the balls in nitro and half in glycerin. You'd be give a series of equations, or word problems or ryhming riddles to figure out which were which.
Just imagine these guys standing there mumbling, "My stripe is bright, my number prime, tap me with nitro, and it's KABLOOIE time! Who am I?"
I'd Tivo that...if I had Tivo.
Ryan - Double True indead
Jen M - Hey thanks!
Karen B - Part of the reason I hate figure skating so much is that I don't have cable and it dominates the tv coverage. I don't mind other figure skating events like the world champs because I'm not missing anything if they put it on.
80sman - next time you watch luge ask yourself "are they really competeing or are they just replaying the same guy over and over and adjusting the time code?" If you can't tell, why watch.
stuben - I love curling. And I believe I beat you soundly at shuffleboard so I need a spot on the team, you can hold the McBroom!
Mrs HM - I still watch the winter games but it doesn't make me a complete olympic zombie the way the summer games do.
Mags - I do like the skating when they fall. I find myself wanting to see a doubles routine where one falls and other person skates over their throat!
Jen R - as usualy your sanity is questionable at best.
hey man - good point about the point system in boxing but I have the solution. No round limits. They fight until one many is KO'd (Also TKO is moved up to 5 falls in a round.) Or until someone throws in the towel.
Emily - the new scoring system is the one i discussed. They keep advertising it as objective/quantitative but it still only 45% by the number 55% by the russian mob's influence.
Worm - I think you are overlooking the effect of music to pump you up before the match. I.e. "You know where you?! You're in the JUNGLE BABY!"
Good stuff all.
I want to try grandmother style luging --- duct-taped into a broiler pan, no brakes
Curling is a SCOTTISH SPORT, I have it in my blood, maybe that is where my last name came from!
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