Happy Mothers Day

I have bought a gift for my mother but I haven't gotten it too her yet, I'm a bad son. I also haven't called yet! I'm getting worse.

Well Mom, I love you and I'm thinking of you. If my job didn't require me to work on Sunday I'd be back in Fort Worth with you and we could go to that Choppy Choppy place you like. I've got your gift on my desk and I will get it too you post haste.

While you wait for your gift I'll share a story about my mother:

When I was in college my mother took matters into her own hands, she thought I was single at the time. A fact that was not true. I just didn't tell her when I was dating someone to avoid the discussion of when I will marry them and what our children will named, and when we are married will we live near her and so forth. She does this because she love me and wants to see me happy.

Anyway, her "single" son needed help because I'm such a sad sack. So she fills out an online dating service in my name complete with a bio that makes me sound fantastic. (Because when you mother describes you she only sees the good stuff.) I have nothing against online dating per say but it is bizarre for someone to fill it out for you.

So out of nowhere I start getting emails and phone calls from girls I don't know. I assumed I must have met them somewhere but had forgotten. But I became suspicious when some of them lived a long way away.

I eventually found the website and changed my profile to not include my number or email address. I also changed the bio questions.

For "My Ideal first date:" Mom had put something like, going on a picnic and playing with my cute nieces and other emotional drivel, which surprisingly girls liked. My mom could easily pick up women online with her banter. Anyway I replaced it with "My Ideal First Date: We meet somewhere secluded, where there is no cell phone reception and we can be totally alone. Also, I'd bring my collection of knives, ducts tape and vintage medical equipment." Regardless to say, the phone calls dried up.

Love you MAMA!