If I was President...

If I was President...

... I'd get ride of daylight savings time and just live in reality all year.

... I'd mandate that waiters go through some kind of training.

... I'd deport all caught playing soccer to Mexico where they will find more pick up games and be around me less.

... I'd attack Canada with CIA trained killer bees.

... I'd send a sniper over to Castroland. Honestly what is he still doing in power down there, just holding up imports as far as I can tell.

... I'd own a nice home @ 1600 Pen and wouldn't have to replace the linoleum on mine.

... I'd make a promise to all Americans "A Jackal in every garage and a big pile of money in the mail." (Did I mention I'd raise taxes?)

... I'd legalized a lot of illegal things like spitting on the sidewalk, eating ice cream on Sunday and whatever else stikes my fancy.

... I'd reinstate Blue Laws. No non-professional sports and most business are to be open on Sunday or past 5 on Wednesday. The only businesses allowed open are restaurant, grocery stores, gas stations and baskin robbins.

... I'd build a big wall to keep Soccer players and other undesirables out of the US across both of our borders and extending 20 miles into the sea. The wall sall be electified, covered in broken glass and barbed wire and patrolled by dogs (in the sea the dogs will be replaced with attack dolphins). All illegals currently in the US have 14 days amnesty to register. Thereafter all illegals shall be catapulted over the wall... to CANADA! Take that Canada!