A True Story from the Year 2020: Safety First

Little Suzie is playing on the jungle gym at church. She falls and skins her knees. Luckily her parents were both less than 18 inches away from her at the time. The dad springs into action and gets gauze from his fanny pack as the wife dials 911. Luckily they had rehearsed for just such an emergency at home.

The other children are quickly escorted away so as they might not have to see blood, if there were any blood. Some of them begin to cry because of the panic of this major injury, crisis counselors are called to the scene for the survivors.

Two ambulances and a medical helicopter land. One has flown in a pediatric orthopedic specialist from across state lines. They erect a plastic germ free bubble around the child. Who is now in a full state of panic, crying, blowing snot bubbles and wondering what "amputation" means.

The parents are sedated and detained for questioning and remanded into the custody of CPS workers. How come they were 18 inches away at the playground? Why not just leave them alone in a room with matches, dynamite, anthrax, poison dart frogs, Bengal tigers on crystal meth, rusty razor blades superglued to a treadmill, and loaded guns with the safely removed? Huh, Why not that?

The lawyers for the child, the parents and the church arrive. They quickly decide it's best if everyone get sued and they get paid in cash. The lawyers for the doctors and lawyers for the lawyers arrive by limo next.

Congress convenes to pass legislation against all children playing more than 14 inches from their parents. Writers tagged onto the bill include mandatory bubble wrapping of all infants, Purell showers at every Kindergarten classroom and the compulsory Low-Jacking of all teenage girls.

Meanwhile across the street a child skins his knees whips it of and walks indoor to ask for a bandaid, but there are none. His dad brushes it off with his shirt sleeve and say, "It'll be fine." The kid shrugs and goes back outside to play.