How come.... Cartoons addition.
I mentioned once before that Lisa Kelly thinks I watch too many cartoons....
How come Thomas the Tank never moves medical waste or radioactive goo up that mountain?
How come JJ the Jet plane never drops high yield ordinance over populated areas?
How come Nemo is never served with lemon butter?
How come nobody ever manages to "catch them all" on Pokemon? Sub-question: When the humane society step in and remove pikachu from ash's custody? Those duels are just cock-fights gone mad.
How come Yu-Gi-Oh's hair do that thing it does even when sticking his head out of a helicopter owned by Kaiba Corp?
How come Deputy Dog never made Sheriff?
How come He-man and She-ra never hooked up?
How come the Transformers appear to gain and loose mass when transforming? Sub-question: How come they make that "Ra-e-wa-oo" sound? Sub-sub Question: How come none of them ever transformed into a Defribrulator or that machine they use to kill veal?
How come Scooby Doo never leaves a scoopy poo on the carpet? (They never take him for a walk you know.)
How come Mucha Lucha is about Mexican wrestlers who speak only English? Sub-question: How come none of the wrestling matches end with a stretcher or a hearse?
How come I only recently realized Tweety Bird was a boy?
How come G.I. Joe never killed anybody with all those guns and rockets? (They always managed to jump out at the last second.) Sub-question: How come they never blasted JJ the Jetplane out of the air?
How come that cat never ate one of those Smurfs and then smiled real big with blue teeth?
How come Dora the Explora never gets caught in a bear trap while or exploring, for that matter where are the dysentery, measles and cannibals?
How come Underdog never turned evil and just broke a man over his knee like a yardstick?
How come the Road Runner was never tested for performance enhancing drungs? Sub-question: How come that coyote only talked in half the episodes?
How come Charlie Brown never went on a vacation to Asia where he accidentally ate Snoopy after they got separated at a Chinese food place?
How come Speed Racer never traded in his car for a Hybrid Gas-Electric or is it too much to ask for a DWI Speed Racer?
How come the Rugrats never fall down the stairs?
How come George of the Jungle's ape friend Ape never bashed him over the head with a rock to protect our dwindling rain forrest from repeatedly crashes with George?
How come Rocky and Bullwinkle never tried to smuggle drugs in from Mexico?
How come Popeye never died of lung cancer from that pipe of his? I'd like to see and episode where a doctor says "It's inoperable" and he reaches for a can a spinach and the doctor says "That won't help you this time, Popeye." So Popeye puts his big forearm back on the blanket and Olive Oil runs out crying waving here spindly legs. All the while Sweet Pea is up on top of the building but without Popeye there to rescue him he falls through the roof of Bluto's Lexus. How come I never see stuff like that?
posted by Trey Laminack @ 9:10 AM
13 comments
13 Comments:
He-man and She-ra never hooked up for the same reason that Luke and Leia never did: they are brother and sister.
NO WAY!
Turns out your right, they are twins, darn you google.
But wait... maybe they could have still hooked up...
Scooby Snacks are not high fiber, to this day he has a screaming case of constipation, no daily 12
Have you seen how many times train de-rail on Thomas.. Thats why!
Tweety is a boy? Sub-question: How did you find this out?
(Virtually all)The cartoons you referenced were designed to be watched by children, or gentle adults, not those with weird/sick senses of humor. I mean, really: Rocky and Bullwinkle smuggling drugs?? Scooby needing to be walked? (If he can "talk," he can take himself out to poop.)
Let some stuff retain some level of innocence, please!!!!
Excellent entry, Trey! Good stuff!
I'm still shocked that Flower from Bambi was supposed to be a boy. Even if he was a skunk, what boy wants the nickname "Flower"?
Nairb:
Tweety is a boy because when Sylvester tries to seduce him out of the cage he dresses his thumb up like a girl bird in a red dress.
Sub-blogger:
Scooby Snacks are well known to be a metaphore for marijuana.
Cowgirl:
Take your innocence and crazy and sell it elsewhere. We're all stocked up here.
Kim:
Flower is a poor name for a boy skunk. Like Apple is a poor name for a girl human.
Dora's parents don't need to worry about her since she is inside a computer. Don't believe me? Watch the beginning of each episode. I always wondered why a big mouse arrow would click on items until I realized the computer connection. Now it all makes perfect sense.
I've been thinking that Popeye's spinach might help Scooby's irregularity problems. Yes?
A bit of google proves you right. From http://www.badmovieplanet.com/unknownmovies/reviews/rev265.html
"Tweety's High-Flying Adventure (2000) introduces a new character, Awooga, who plays Tweety's girlfriend."
Suppositories
i've always wondered how in the world speed racer (the hottest cartoon dude besides haji) drives down a straight road! his arms are turnin' that wheel from right to left...
okay, haji, i think that's how you spell it! i used to think he was hot, well, kinda still do. can a cartoon be hot? is this sick? lucy, is the doctor "in"?
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