Now Hiring Public Storage Employees

To keep up our high standards at Public Storage we ask you meet the following qualifications:

• Completed 4th Grade (Unless you have a letter of rec from your 3rd Grade teacher.)
• Willingness to forward customers on to another middle school drop out without actually helping yourself.
• No computer skills needed.
• Heavy Breathing while customers wait on the phone and you wrastle with the computer you don't know how to use.
• When asked for a phone number offer only 9 digits. If asked what the last number is say, "That's all of them."
• You don't have to know how to work a modern credit card machine. We still use that old slidey kind with carbon paper.
• When using the card slider try and break the customers card if possible.
• Don't worry about knowing how to run a fax machine. If a customer asks for a fax tell them you don't have a fax machine even though you list a fax number on your website.
• Don't worry if you don't know what a website is.
• On site: When all else fails suggest they call corporate.
• Corporate: When all else fails suggest they call the site.
• When confronted with the never ending cycle of forwarding calls: sigh deeply and ask the costumer to hold. Hopefully they'll hang up. If they don't, after 15 minutes, tell them you are going to transfer them to your supervisor who is actually the first person they talked to who forwarded them to the site manager who transferred them back to corporate. Remember to place customers on hold for 5-10 minutes between each of these steps.
• Remember our motto: "The customer is always frustratingly interrupting my do nothing job."
• Personal hygiene optional.