Realization from Video Editing
To make that two and a half minute "Do you know?" took about 2 hours of rough footage. And when you are editing you basically have to watch all of it.
As I did I began to see myself as others must.
Observation 1) Out of shape - Why did nobody tell me how out of shape I am? I think when men look at their bodies they imagine the best case scenario of what they see. (Women do the opposite.) This isn't so pressing to me, I've already joined a gym and seen a doc. I'm basically disappointed that nobody stopped me and said, "Trey, I'm your friend and you're killing yourself." Almost nobody, Stacey was willing to pull me back from the cliff face. Shame on the rest of you.
Observation 2) I don't shut up! - Watching those 2 hours of rough footage, basically 70% of the dialogue was mine. Which is saying something because of how verbose Jeffro is. A lesser tongue may not have been able to get even 10% in. I just kept up a string of rambling jokes, observations, instructions and know-it-all-isms. I told Jeff, upon watching the rough footage I wouldn't be my own friend.
He claims I've got a complex and it wasn't that bad. That at the time all those comments and jokes seemed to fit it. Still, can I trust a man who wasn't willing to pull me back from the cliff face?
THE PLAN) Solitude!
I've been trying too hard in social situations, placing too much value on what others think of me. The video reminded me of the 8th grade version of myself who never stopped talking because he was desperate to prove how smart and funny he was.
I need to refocus this in a spiritual bent (as I've tried to do with my weight). While at Harding I spent 1 day a week in solitude for an entire semester. This meant no human contact, no tv, no internet, no phone, no reading, no writing, nothing to keep my mind preoccupied. I'll spend that time listening to God.
Obviously my schedule is different now. I plan on being in solitude one day a month. If you try and call or text me you won't get a response.
Sub-plan) Shutting UP!
I plan on shutting up more. I want to console myself by saying that even though I talk a lot, I assure you I have been listening. The things I said in that video where mostly responses to things Jeff said, so clearly I'm not just waiting my turn to talk. I don't plan on trying to change myself entirely either. I know I'll always be a talkative, bombastic, know-it-all, grandiloquent, loquacious, blathering fellow. But maybe I can tone it down a notch: Just enough to remove blathering from that list.
I want to get back to that Trey from late 11th grade who only needed to say one short sentence or just raise an eyebrow to get a laugh or cause someone to think.