New Time Laws in Effect

Here ye! Here ye! The King of the Forest called Earth has some proclamations. Citizens of Lamination listen well! The King has changed the laws of physics to better suit his napping habits and use time more effectively.

1) We'd never spring forward! I hate losing an hour. From now on we'd just fall back twice a year. Sure the daylight would get all messed up be once every 12 years it would be right again. Think of the sleep!

2) In fact I want to add a month to the year! Right at the end of summer and before school starts. Trevembarch! It will last two weeks! These two weeks will be free from all scheduled activities. No camps, no vbs, no church planning (just show up and sing), no work. Anyone caught breaking these laws shall be fed to my pet Jackal Jeff. (From where will these weeks come? All months shall now all have 29 days except Feb which is still the freak month.)

3) In accordance with new laws there will be a soccer amnesty day once every four years on leap day. I will spend the day in a miniature submarine. There, now don't say I'm not a benevolent king.

4) Once a year the people shall vote on a celebrity to sling shot into Mount Rushmore! This years winner: Paris Hilton. (This law shall save a lot of time otherwise wasted wondering why she is a celebrity.)

5) mandatory Siesta time. 1pm-2:30pm. No exceptions. It's quiet time get on you bunk or you'll have to miss swim time.

6) When you turn 35 the government will give you 100k and tell you to take the year off. (Where will the money for this come from? Selling the kidneys and other bodyparts from people who break the laws!) I think the one year off will save years in real time because it will head of the midlife crisis before any real damage can be done. Anyone leaving their wife during this year will owe the government 200k and be forced to remain with his wife and marry his wife's single cousin! Take that! (The punishment for divorce should be more marriage.)