Vicious Diatribe: Bumber Stickers Rant

I HATE BUMPER STICKERS!A 10-point font whizzing by at 60 seconds is not enough time for me to get an idea about your personality. Also bumper stickers are like tattoos you get the first one with a lot of thought, and then you get addicted and cover your body without thinking.

Here's an idea put them on the inside of your car so you can see how clever or dedicated you are and I don't have to. As with anything that is mass-produced: This is not an opportunity for creativity. If someone prints out thousands of the same thing and you choose one of them you are not being creative. You are creative if you make your own bumper stickers out of white duck tape and a sharpie. (The same creatively challenged people often buy t-shirts with witty phrases on them, and feel proud. Look my shirt says, "Sarcasm, just another free service I offer." {I actually own that shirt, it's sad to say.})

Small writing stickers: It is too hard to read those things. We need a congressional law banning letters smaller than 6 inches tall. Think how many wrecks you'd prevent. And if you have more than 5 bumper stickers people should be allowed to ram you from behind without fear of prosecution. And when you get up close you are let down by... "My son and my money go to XU." I think it should say, "My son and my money go down the drain at the same center for conformity."

Political bumper stickers: Please don't bother, if you do please remove them if your candidate looses. In fact if your candidate loses all cars with those bumper stickers should be crushed and melted. That would show more dedication. If you have the guts to entrust your car to some politician then you are really dedicate.Patriotic bumper stickers: I don't really like them either. As a Christian I don't see the USofA as any greater than any other country, try and think "Great Commission" here, the entire world. Worst of all are the American Flag bumper stickers. The sun always washes them out. Can't we make a colorfast bumper sticker? Every car is driving around with the old "yellow, white and beige" on their back bumper. As per the ribbons for our troops, I like those if you can name someone by name that is in active duty.

Religious bumper stickers: Now I'm all for letting your light shine. But lets be honest, they have never converted anyone. I’d like to see some guy drive another man off the road and say, “Pardon me, can you tell me about that Ichthus on your back bumper.” Also I’ve have a man give me the “the bird” who had “the fish” on his bumper. Also the Darwin Fish W/ a Foot is too cutesy. Come now people, you’re supposed to be a scientist, get a respectable bumper logo.

Here is a list of original bumper stickers for you to write on white duck tape with sharpies. (Be sure letters are 6 inches tall.)

"I drive an SUV and think I'm safe but my car kills more kids than land mines."
"If you get close enough you can watch my kids DVD."
"Sign up for speed-reading at the Academy for Speed Readers. Drop by our tan and orange building next to the McDonalds on 1st for a free Speed Reading screening. Open Monday thru Thursday, Odd Hours only, but not Jewish Holidays. Thank you, Melissa Perkins President of the DSRS. (Dallas Speed Reading Society)”
“Save the environment, drive me off the road.”
“I believe in something that takes more than one bumper sticker to explain.”
“Looking for God? Follow this car to church.”
“My car is a hybrid: ½ Gas. ½ Hamster in a Wheel.”
“Caution Woman Driver: I’ve got one hand on the wheel, one on the phone, and one on the makeup.”
“Caution Man Driver: Don’t pass me or I’ll have to pass you back to prove I’m a tough guy.”
“Caution Teen Age Drive: I’m immortal!”
“Caution Elderly Driver: Life is too short to check my blind spots.”

I could go on but I hate bumper stickers.

Submit your own ORIGINAL bumper stickers in a post if you like.
Also submit how many lifetime bumper stickers you’ve owned and what they said. I’ve owned 0.