You too can know it all: Men and Women

[This post will probably have to last you until sunday so pace yourself.]

Here is everything you need to know about men and women. (It’s one sentence long so go ahead and memorize it.)

"Women are crazy; men are stupid."

Now before you overreact read it through again. It makes sense, even if you are a man and therefore stupid.

Women: In your defense, it is about half of what men do that makes you so crazy. If we weren’t so stupid you wouldn’t be so crazy. Now I’m not saying this to get in good with women, although that couldn’t hurt. If you could accept how stupid we were you wouldn’t be in such a bad way. Quit trying to think we think. It doesn’t happen. Or if it does happen by accident we won’t be able to relay it to you when asked about our thoughts. The rest of your craziness is due to competition with other lunatic women. I mean the make up, shoes, fashion magazines, gossip, social clubs, church committees and gigantic fuzzy purses... you do all that to yourselves. I’m not expecting women to agree with this, how could they? They’re crazy, and can’t make sound judgments. Fact: Women are crazy. Opinion: I believe women are crazy because they like freedom from accountability.

Now, men: we all don’t recognize how dumb we are. In fact many of those among us who think we’re smart just end up making stupid things like atom bombs, giant breakfast sandwiches, the “Wave”, and reality TV shows (all of which I like). We don’t know as much as we think we do, about the only thing we know for sure is that women are completely nuts. If you don’t think men are stupid watch the news and see how much of that stuff can be blamed on us. (But a good part of that is done to impress a pathological females.) I’m not expecting men to agree with this, in fact I’m not even expecting them to understand it. Fact: Men are stupid. Opinion: I think men are stupid because most of our brainpower is spent trying to understand crazy women.

The best part about knowing what you now know is that it can’t possibly improve your life. This will not save a marriage or a relationship. It will llkely start more fights than it will end. (It also won’t make you less stupid or crazy, or less of both in the case of a hermaphrodite.)

But seriously, I think God made men and women differently. In Genesis, God created Adam “a helper suitable for him.” Men were not complete before women were created. I’m not exactly sure what Eve did way back then but modern women are still more thoughtful than men. They remember thank you notes, coasters and birthdays. Now men were created for a different purpose, Adam had to work harder at the field and sweat and get dirty and stuff. Modern man has to hold that gigantic fuzzy purse while women try on painful shoes.