If I were king of the forest...
If I were king of the forest...
... I cut down a lightpole in your mall for every tree you cutdown in my domain.
... I'd eat more read meat, also I'd cook it less.
... I'd force lesser animals to re-enact scenes from my life for my amusement.
Puma (as King Trey) reclines with his legs up on a table blocking the path.... I'd remane the days of the weeks. Churchday, Grumpday, Twosday, Churchday the Less, Thurpenstein's Day, TGIF, and Lazyday.
Gazelle (as Maggie) annoyed legs block her path: Move it or loose it!
Puma: I choose loose it!
... Every February is "Reverse Foodchain Month" where animals eat in the opposite order. Also the grass gets to eat one herbivore per acre. This will teach you not to waste food.
... Cars with less than 60 mpg will be melted and crushed into cubes. These cubes will be used to make a wall to keep hippies out of my forrest. Commune with nature elsewere loosers!
... Simpler laws will be in place. There are three kinds of punishment. 1) You get eaten. 2) You get a big bite taken out of you and might die. 3) Someone gets to take a nibble out of you.
... People who don't like the way we do Churchday will be given one chance to change then will be melted and crushed into cubes. These cubes will be used to make a smaller wall around the big wall.
... There will be no soccer in the forrest or neighboring plains anyone caught playing soccer will have a big bite taken out of them and a nibble out of their ball.
... There shall be ample parking in the forrest.
... Teenagers who complain about thier parents not caring even though those parents bought 100 rolls of gift wrap so their kid could get to go to Chucky Cheese shall be eaten.
... LTC practice shall not excede 1 hour a week. Choose one event and quit freaking out.
... Water pollution will be frowned upon.
... All elections shall be held at the old rotten log by the stream. All are allowed to vote but those who vote for the looser will have nibble taken out them and the loser of the election shall be eaten.
If I were king of the forest my mane would be essentially unchanged.
posted by Trey Laminack @ 3:12 PM
11 comments
11 Comments:
Major props. Let me give some respect where respect is due, oh mighty King of the Forest. :)
I would be the Queen Mother and most everyone would pummel me with flowers
As I learned while leaving the church after my wedding, being pummeled with flowers is far more irritating than one might imagine.
Trey, when you are King of the Forest, would you consider making a few rules about stupid road construction plans that would get a few people eaten?
Boooooo. Boooooo. Bow down to him if you want. Bow to him. Bow to the King of Slime, the King of Filth, the King of Putrescence.
Banning soccer!
Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo!
Booing the King?!
Penalty: being eaten. But in light of the funny Princess Bride Parody I'll cut it down to a big chomp and time served.
Trey - I mean "your majesty": I miss you so much. You have always been and will forever remian the funniest person I know. "I choose loose it..." still cracks me up :)If you come visit us I will make you the little cheesy ham sandwiches in the foil!
Mmm... cheesy ham sandwich in the foil... How's April 21st?
I've been wanting to visit for some time but most weekends are booked.
I'll bow down to you when only the last living thing on this earth has perished. Until then I am with Ryan, and oh by the way, I was born with an invisible force field around me, so be my guest and break your teeth on it! Down with the III.
i hope you are serious that would be awesome! call us for sure! mags
Your "li'l bro", the world class goalie, would be incrediby sad without soccer. I guess he would just never visit your forest.
My forest is not content to just sit around it plans on taking over the whole world! Everyone in the forest wakes up and says, "We are the worlds police. Our King knows what is best. My greatest joy is in watching him bite infadels."
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